Moodtracking function

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

The more I work on the 3 months personal forecast that I’ve been offering for clients, the more I observe the importance of the quick moving planets and the lunations.

They don’t point out huge and deep transformative times, like having either one of the outer planets transiting something important in your chart, but they do act as triggers.

And because of that, I find that they also point out, very interestingly, potential mood swings and stuff like that.

It might not sound very deep at first, tracking down potential moodiness for instance, but it can actually save you a lot of trouble by increasing the awareness of how you might be feeling in a certain day.

In psychological terms, Carl Jung says that sudden moodiness has something to do with being possessed, or suddenly assaulted, by an unconscious part of our psyche.

So I think that it’s just natural that if we can manage to keep track of this daily flow of moods, the thread can potentially take us to where the deeper transformations are occurring.

The enhanced awareness can also save us a lot of energy that we might be putting into pointless arguments or into feeding the inner critic inside our heads.

And again, I insist on the importance of keeping it as individual as possible.

For instance I was a little concerned about this full moon because Mercury would be triggering the current major transit that Pluto is making to my natal Moon.

And I also read many countless material on the intensity of this Full Moon in Aries conjunct Eris and Uranus, but to be honest with you, I had a pretty sound couple of days during this Full Moon.

I could only observe the usual difficulty in getting sleep that I always feel under the influence of a Full Moon.

No disruptions, no major insights or fights for my individuality etc etc etc..

Mind you, I did feel a very intense energy in the air around the area where I’m gonna be working (which is a sort of trendy night life area that has a big mix of people, including lots of homeless and junkies), and I really did not want to be out on that night.

Too much energy in the air combined with too many unaware people doesn’t feel or sound very good to me.

But nothing major going on within myself.

Darkening hours

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner life

I had just about the worst night I’ve had in ages.

I woke up around 3:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep.

Not only that, but had to be the container for a whole range of dark feelings for hours. It was like a well pouring out many variations of anxiety and worries.

I can’t even pinpoint what it is exactly, I don’t really know what caused it. But I think that I can recognise too well the plutonian flavour to what just happened.

Another layer of unconscious fears are being purged.

Then, under the grips of my restlessness I casted the chart for the coming full moon in Aries on the 16th of October (only a few days ahead..) and couldn’t help but notice my breath getting shortened as I looked at the symbols.

Casted for Bristol,  where I am currently living, the Ascendant is 29 degrees Virgo. It’s ruler, Mercury, is at 15 degrees Libra making an exact square to Pluto in Capricorn (with Mars in Capricorn not too far away..) and both activating my natal Moon at 15 degrees Libra.

Was that enough reflection of what’s brewing inside me?!

I saw the myriad of red lines between the planets running in my bloodstream and the tension, symbolically represented in the drawing, was strongly felt in the darkest hour today.

I don’t see the planets causing anything to me, but rather reflecting what goes on inside me.

Around 6am I was sitting down straight in my bed and trying my best to meditate. Trying to just watch those feelings with awareness. Trying hard not to get my head involved in story telling.

The alchemical work has to be done, there is no other choice.

Reaffirming

by with 5 Comments Astrology and meInner life

This is just a very short one.

I’m at a cafe in central London just about to start working.

I’m helping Frank Clifford (amazing astrology teacher!) and Wendy Stacey (also amazing) with the Student’s Astrological Conference in exchange for watching the lectures.

Very ultra excited to be back in class after travelling so much and living in a low budget. I hope the lectures help inspiring me. (I’m sure it will)

I need some reaffirmation on my choice of going on without a “regular” job for so long. I need to feel again the certainty in what I’m doing, even if I’m penny less most of the time.

And I truly hope that this situation won’t prolong for much longer. (The living without cash part..) (well Pluto is about to finish his loooong period travelling through my second house after the last square to my  Moon, I hope that that will reflect the change!)

I have to reaffirm and trust myself.

Be no scared.

Will be back writing on what happens in the conference, new ideas or brilliant insights..

Quick one

by with 6 Comments Inner life

I just came here for a quick one.

The full Moon in Sagittarius was bang on my nodal axis and I was really flooded with ideas to write about (my north node is in Gemini). Unfortunately, I haven’t got much time so won’t be able to go too deep into anything.

Tomorrow I’m heading to another off grid festival, this time in Kent. I feel quite excited. It seems that the Sagittarian mood has contaminated me with a thirst for adventure. A feeling that I can recognise too well.

It feels like a little break from the heaviness of Pluto transiting my Moon.

It’s been 3 months since I’m back in England and I still haven’t seen my ex lover (the one that had an important role during these transits from Pluto and Uranus to my natal Moon). It seems that I’m finally getting over my obsession for him, or rather for what he represented to me.

I feel the need for freedom screaming louder inside my chest.

It’s funny how sometimes we can fall for an idea of someone rather than the actual person. In the last year I think that I’ve been relating more to a character that he has woken up inside myself than to him.

I’m beginning to free myself from a mental cage and starting to reclaim my power back from my own delusions.

 

Cracking the eggshell

by with No Comment Inner lifeSearch for home

Yesterday I went for drinks at what I used to call a “cool pub in Peckham”.

I could not help but keep watching other people’s behaviour with a  sense of total disconnection,  just like I used to feel when I was much younger and had started going out to nightclubs.

Everything around me seemed so shallow and soulless. People getting drunk and behaving with uncontrollable compulsion.

I somehow could feel the desperate longing for fulfilment, for imediate happiness at all costs. Everything surrounds this search, even the huge amounts of makeup on women’s faces trying to hide away insecurities  for not looking like the girl in the magazine.

I was again sensing how much in main stream society people are trained and expected to feed more and more the false self. To seek things that don’t have real value to the real Self.

I felt how much I don’t belong. How much I’ve never did.

I was wandering for a bit, trying to spot someone different and exciting to have a chat with but without success. Everyone really seemed immersed in their city lives.

Work, money, smart phones, putting up with unlikable routines because that’s just “normal”. Wedding rings, fashionable clothes and shaky hands holding the cigarette that appears to hold the confidence of some. Appearances…and awkwardness behind huge amounts of alcohol.

I’m still cracking the eggshell of my new life, of the new me. I don’t feel the despair I did, when Pluto squared my Moon for the first time, in March last year when I blew my London life up without flinching.

I am more centered, more calm and solid. More certain that that was not the way to go for me. That a life based on appearances and compulsions won’t be much of a life to me.

But yesterday hanging out at that incredibly noisy and lousy environment I felt that pain again. The pain of being isolated, without a supportive community of like minded people. The pain of rejection.

At least with my current gypsy life of uncertainty and search I’ve had had a taster of how it feels to belong and to truly share with people.

I’ve had moments of grace singing and dancing mantras to Shiva, moments of warmth sharing cups of tea around the fire, moments of bliss observing nature’s wonderful beauty and simplicity. Moments of inspiration in the arms of so many genuine hugs that I’ve had the honor to experience on the road.

I think this post is more of a thank you.

I am grateful to the pain of separation that has thrown me into what seems to be my true path.

Pluto transforming the Capricorn principle

by with One Comment Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

This is a long title for a post, but I couldn’t think of a better one.

I’ve had an important insight from the book I already mentioned that I’m reading now. (“Yoga and the quest for the true self”)

In one of the chapters the author, who is also a psychotherapist, stretches the equal importance of cultivating insight as well as equanimity in the process of becoming real. He called them the two pillars.

I’ve always had a strong introverted tendency. Even if sociable and very talkative at times I would always need lots of time on my own to recharge myself. To regain balance. To understand and to know myself more deeply.

With my strong Pluto/Scorpio plus Virgo nature, insight and analysis always had a very important place in my life.

Only now, after couple of years in this process of changing my lunar function (represented by the Pluto transit) I’m paying more attention to the equanimity principle.

Basically, a lot of insight without equanimity (the ability to hold and nurture ourselves, the ability to feel safe) we are under the risk of some serious fragmentation of the self. And I can’t help but hear the symbolism connected with the Moon/Cancer in the horoscope when I think about equanimity.

Since Pluto has been squaring my natal Moon I’ve been challenged to take care of myself in so many ways. I’ve been challenged to learn how to nurture myself instead of just projecting my sense of security and well being into someone else (I’m a libra moon!) or into material resources (Pluto is transiting my second house).

It’s been quite a ride, but since my encounter with yoga this process is becoming somehow easier. I am sinking more into my body, understanding more of it’s flow. I am learning that from one day to another I’m different and that’s just natural. In some days some postures are easier to perform than in another. We are not as fixed as we think of ourselves and there is nothing wrong with that.

I am learning to appreciate and accept myself more. I am learning to love my constant flow, just like a river.

And that’s where I thought about the title for this post. I believe that understanding that we are not robots and that efficiency is costing too much by removing us from our natural flow and our connection with the earth and the natural cycles. By removing us from our genuine connection with each other.

How can one be sympathetic when the lack of basic inner nurturance and equanimity is so strong?

Pluto in Capricorn is giving us the opportunity to transform and regain some balance, collectively as well as individually. The opportunity to balance the axis of Capricorn and Cancer in our lives, in our relationship with ourselves. To develop more equanimity is to become more gentle. And that makes me think of Che Guevara’s famous quote:

“Hay que endurecerse, pero sin perder la ternura jamas “

Layers of meaningfulness

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

One of my greatest discoveries about astrology happened when transiting Neptune was opposing my natal Mercury couple of years ago. It happened when I could not concentrate to read one single sentence in a book but was having astrological lectures through my dreams instead. Obviously, as expected with Neptune’s symbolism, it took me sometime to clarify and understand this new way of interpreting the symbols.

I was listening to some samba just now, a traditional kind of music from Brazil that I rarely listen to. To be honest with you, and that’s how I started to wonder, I rarely listen to any brazilian music at all. Not that I don’t like it. Brazilian music is pretty good. But there is something about the national identity that has always bugged me and since I’ve left Brazil eight years ago I’ve been somehow avoiding it altogether.

I guess that my Uranic nature never felt like truly belonging anywhere, but specially to a culture that has strongly been based, between other frivolous things like carnaval and football, in the sexual objectification of women.

That macho culture, perhaps present in most Latin countries, has always annoyed me tremendously. I didn’t want to be part of that and leaving the country seemed like a great relief. I could finally be myself. I could finally be free to interact in any way that I felt like with people from everywhere else in the world.

That was grand, but at the same time, when I look back, I think that with the urge of freeing myself from the caveman’s culture I sort of lost a precious connection with my roots.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not a big fan of nationalism. But there is something important connected with where we come from that perhaps can also give us a hand in the search for ourselves. I am not my country or plainly my nationality, but there are certain things that I grew up on that still speaks to my soul.

Im only mentioning it, now we get to the astrological point, because I totally see this as part of the Pluto transit to my Moon. There are so many different layers to it.

It’s amazing how astrological symbolism works with layers and layers of meanings.

Pluto is transiting my second house, it has a lot to do with changing completely the way that I make my money and, on a deeper level, transforming my sense of self worth. Pluto is making a square to my Moon in Libra, yes, it also has a lot to do with leaving compulsive, childish and less desirable traits that would come out in relationships. I am developing yet another level of self reliability and independency, maybe after that I can truly hope for partnerships based in equality. The Moon is also connected with mother and I’ve been dealing with my mother complex big time. My Moon is also in the eleventh house, one of the strong themes with this transit has been the search for a community of like minded people that can give me a sense of belonging. Then my Moon rules the ninth house and I have been traveling quite a bit in search for home.

Perhaps the second half of this year will have something to do with me going to Brazil for a little. Maybe I need to revisit and reconnect with my roots. Find that part of myself, the brazilian part.

I don’t know about that. What I really know, and wanted to make a point in this post, is that astrological symbolism has many levels and we should always keep that in mind I think. If we are too ready to interpret a transit or aspect or whatever for ourselves or clients we are bound to miss a lot of potential important information.

I see the astrologer’s work as translation but also as detective work. We need to do our best to stretch out the symbolism as much as we can in order to see the bigger picture. In order to help people finding their bigger picture.

Reminder

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner lifeRandomSearch for home

Mostly I’m writing this post now as a reminder to myself.

I’m in Clapham Common having a coffee at the place I used to work before leaving everything behind. I actually just finished my second coffee. I really shouldn’t have done this as I’m now feeling a bit hyper. At the yoga school coffee is one of the things they tell you to quit.

I’m having my period in about a week, (I’ve been having my period around the full moon for quite a while), and feel strange. My PMS isn’t nearly as strong as it used to be before consistently practicing yoga like I’ve been doing everyday for the past 2 months and a half, but I can still feel it. The practice of yoga is not only decreasing my levels of PMS, but also providing me with detachment. That is truly great. Is like I can, instead of just becoming instantly possessed by it, stare at the more destructive parts of myself in the face.

Anyways, the more infantile part of me, the one that was desperately in love with that young man over a year ago, has been actively throwing emotions at me today. I’m still quite centered though. I’m not necessarily felling cheerful, but I’m peaceful.

This situation reminds me of the realisation I’ve had after coming back from Bristol last week.

The Pluto transit to my Moon is still an ongoing process, with the longest hit taking place pretty much during the whole second half of this year. I don’t like predictions and I strongly believe that thoughts create reality, but after I came back from Bristol I realised that my confusion and search for home is still going to linger on for a bit longer. The feeling of contentment and belonging that I’ve had during my last two weeks in Thailand whilst being super busy with astrology was just a taster. It was just a preview of, more or less, how my life can be once Im done with all of the detox and transformation expected from an intense plutonic time.

I feel that I really need to keep reminding myself of that in order to work constructively with whatever is being born within me. And the transit is perhaps only a reflection.

I like to think like that. I believe it to be more empowering and helpful in the cultivation of patience, a fundamental virtue in the process of maturation.

Out of sync

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for homeTrip

I’ve been out of sync in the last month. Definitely too much going on around here and inside me.

Tomorrow I’m finally graduating from the first level yoga course that I’ve been doing since January here in Thailand. I was pretty busy with that and with the second exact hit of transiting Pluto square to my natal Moon also taking place in January.

The first one, in March 2015, was connected with me leaving my home in London and many realisations about my mother bringing a lot of old anger back to the surface. (Also with the break up of an important relationship)

The second one had me practicing yoga twice a day for six days a week and a physical breakdown for 5 days that they call “process of purification”. There is definitely something really powerful about yoga and practicing it with awareness. I got pretty sick for those 5 days and all that I wanted was, funny enough, my mother! For the first time in years I really wanted to be with her and truly missed her care and love. I can totally see the connection there, the healing taking place while a lot of toxic energy was making its way out of my body. We spoke on Skype, me and my mother, everyday during that week like we haven’t done it in a really long time.

I’m now feeling a lot better. My mind is much more clearer and lucid than when I arrived in the island. A lot less emotional clutter, even my body is lighter as I’ve lost some weight with the combination of yoga and the sickness.

I have no doubt that I’ve made the right decision about coming here to do this course during this Pluto transit. I highly recommend to everyone having a strong Pluto transit to go for some kind of powerful detox process, a course like this or some kind of retreat. Whatever catches your attention, go for it. You won’t regret. It really helps the purging process and makes you feel a lot lighter afterwards.

This transit still an ongoing process for me, with the last and longer hit on the second half of this year. I have no idea what’s going to happen. What I know is that I’ve quit smoking and feel much lighter at the moment. Almost like a little glimpse of what could be the feeling at the end of this whole process of death and rebirth. Its exciting as well as profound and demanding. What can make a great difference is the awareness that enable you to make wiser choices to facilitate the process of purification represented symbolically by Pluto. Resisting this process isn’t the best attitude and I believe it can only make things more painful. The amount of resistance equals the necessary violence applied to make a change..