Venus-Neptune rant

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meInner life

After much tension for the last couple of weeks here I am to write another blog post. This one I think is more of a need for self expression than anything else.

I feel confused and not sure about how to proceed, where should I be or how should I deal with my situation now. My natal Venus Square Neptune has been transited by Pluto and Saturn for some time, with my progressed Venus just about to conjoin natal Saturn, and I do feel this is potentially a big time of learning. Learning about boundaries and self worth, learning about my self-delusion tendencies in love, etc. Learning to get hold of my longings and to not project into a potential partner.

But these days I met an ex lover and all of that knowing and self awareness sort of went down the drain. I’ve always made a point in meeting past lovers after sometime just to complete the process of getting over someone. Just to see how much that person does not have a hold on me anymore. Banishing someone I like from my life forever, has never been my way of dealing with a broken heart.

But what do we do when even after not seeing someone for 5 years you realise that you still have strong feelings for that person? How can that even be possible? I feel like I’ve had so many lives for the past five years, so much travelling, moving cities, jobs, doing a masters, different relationships, etc. So much has happened, so much growth. How is it possible to still have strong feelings for someone that I thought I left behind long ago?

He is one of the only people I’ve met that I felt completely comfortable sleeping beside me, I didn’t feel restless and could manage to go into deep sleep quite easily. Many of his personal planets fall into my 12th house and I have the feeling that that reflects an access that he has to my unconscious, which is quite nice for sleeping. I don’t know. It actually feels like he has free access to my soul, and that’s the trouble. How can you let go of a connection of this kind?

Although a lot of good things are happening in my life at the moment, I feel sad. I wonder what is the point of having such a strong and deep link with someone if you’re not able to pursue and explore it further. Grow together. Why? What is the point in learning about letting go of someone you like so much, knowing that they feel similarly towards you?

Not meant to be? What does that even mean? …

Productive quarantine and Pluto retrograde

by with 14 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

I think that I am finally managing to create a productive routine during the lockdown. I guess moving countries again was also inevitably disruptive on my daily practices, etc.

That Mars/Uranus in Sagittarius in my chart reflecting the part of me that keeps travelling and moving around no matter what…

Anyway, Im enjoying the time and space to focus on the things that truly matter to me, in this case, my astrology work. I’ve been working on talks that I will be giving this June, and also taking the opportunity to watch free online courses as well. It really is mind blowing the quantity of online webinars and lectures available even for free at the moment.

That really made me think about the Saturn-Jupiter conjunction in Aquarius that will be taking place in December 21 this year. It seems like we are heading towards the direction of a massive boom of online education, where information is made accessible to a larger number of people.

These days I watched an interesting webinar on how to create online courses and it was quite insightful. Im glad I did it. Now Im being flooded with ideas for creating a short course on astrology myself. I love teaching and public speaking, especially about a subject that Im so passionate about like astrology, so I see potential for developing something really nice.

I even had someone getting in touch with me for a short astrological session in order to learn a bit, rather than just receive the interpretations. That is a sign, isn’t?!

As I work on my talks and think about these ideas of mine, I have to witness a very strong fear of coming out, perhaps a fear of failure, Im not entirely sure. But I do remember astrologer Frank Clifford talking about the journey of Virgo being connected with developing self-confidence because they never believe they know enough or that they are good enough.

That resonates with me so much!

My first big talk for the Astrological Association is happening in June 28 or 27 and Im dreading that moment and, at the same time, really looking forward to it because I will have to break an old pattern of fear, otherwise I won’t be able to do it.

I feel that I was born to be a communicator (amongst other things of course), but it does not come very easily in terms of taking action and being confidently encouraged. But once Im on stage it is almost like something else takes me over and it is really joyful, I feel incredibly high during and afterwards as well.

Anyway, Pluto is going retrograde today until around October the fifth, and this is a great time for revisiting our shadow work. Looking into those paralysing fears that are limiting our capacity to live our lives to the fullest, preventing us from being what we are meant to be.  That’s what Im going to do as I prepare myself for the series of talks that I will be giving in the near future…

Wish me luck!

And if you have been following me and my work for a while and feel that you could be interested in knowing more about the teaching side of it, get in touch. I would love to hear from you.

Saturnian Quarantine, times of change!

by with 3 Comments Astrological InsightsSearch for home

I’ve been back in the UK for the past 5 days and things here (regarding the corona virus) are more heated than it was in Brazil when I left (apparently the panic is beginning to catch up there too).

My friend has left to Brazil and I’ve decided to live in Brighton, a small town on the beach 50 minutes by train from London. Im currently staying at his bedroom until the girls in the bedroom next door (which is meant to be mine) are able to travel (they were planning to go to USA and Spain, both have their boarders shut at the moment).

In moments like this I think of what Liz Greene said about the outer planets talking about collective movements of change related to survival and how much we individuals have little to say regarding that. Some things are beyond our control and we would do good in keeping our peace and mental health in any way that works for us. Meditation, prayer, drawing, painting, dancing, jogging… you name it. Whatever works!

This is actually what I wanted to write about in here. We are in a situation where a quarantine is somehow ‘forced’ upon us, take that as an opportunity to go back to yourself. To reflect upon your life, your choices, your values and who you are in the most authentic way. Who are you? What do you truly need? How can you best contribute with the transformation that we (collectively) and the world seems to be going through?

Jupiter and Mars joining in the conjunction of Pluto and Saturn in Capricorn seems to be reflecting this ’emergency crisis’ in the forefront and I feel this to be symbolising what has been going on in the last few years, a big political and economic crisis. It seems like we are hitting a point where we cannot ignore what is going on anymore. The structures that organize our society are purging and in need for massive transformation.

How can we contribute in this process?

This is one of the questions that we could ask ourselves during the quarantine. What would we like to see more in the world? It’s another one.

By the end of the year Saturn and Jupiter will conjoin in Aquarius marking the beginning of a long cycle in the air element (it will be a change from earth to air) and a 20 year cycle focusing in the aquarian archetype.

Aquarius at best connects with humanitarianism, how individuals can best contribute with the group, progress in a digital sense and acceleration of time (more?). As Jessica Murray said, we will be moving from materialism to idealism.

How is the best way that we, as individuals, can take responsibility in this process?

I think that the answers to some of these big questions could come up as we take advantage of this quarantine to do some soul searching rather than wallow in fear and panic.

What kind of society would you like to see manifesting, starting from your neighbourhood?!

Not just another Saturn-Pluto post…

by with No Comment Astrological InsightsAstrology and meProfessional Astrologer

The building up of the conjunction between Saturn and Pluto is happening and Im feeling more and more excited about ideas and compelled to write more as well. (The stellium in Capricorn is transiting my third house at the moment!)

The other day I had orgasmic sensations, not joking, when I had the thought that I would like to write my dissertation on mystical experiences, astrology and deep ecology. Im in the process of communicating with my tutors and enquiring about the feasibility of my ideas, at the moment it looks like is too much of a big theme for a master thesis. On another hand, I still have time to reformulate and polish it up so it hopefully becomes more achievable. I love the idea of including deep ecology into my dissertation for this is such an important theme right now.

I think that the conjunction between Pluto and Saturn also reflects the importance of thinking and contributing with research that can enlighten and enhance our relationship with nature and mental health as well… I have very strong feelings towards this. And Im thinking about researching on what might be the role of astrology in this process, if any.

After I wrote my last essay on ‘peak experience’ and astrology I realised that one of the main ideas that connects both is a sort of dependency on a feeling of interconnection between everything. In a similar way, I think that deep ecology’s backbone also relies on the premise that everything is part of a greater system, regardless the illusory sense of separation that we have most of the time. Based on this premise, investing our energy in a system that prioritise competition above cooperation is a fallacy and a threat to, not only our physical and mental health, but also to the myriad of existing ecosystems.

What can we do about it? I think that this question is one of the most pertinent ones during this great conjunction between Pluto and Saturn in Capricorn… and I also feel that whatever this conjunction is activating in your chart is reflecting where you can contribute the most for the changes that we are collectively in need of making. The changes that you successfully facilitate in yourself now will have an impact on the collective change.

This is our responsibility (Saturn) in the regeneration (Pluto) of our social structures and values (Capricorn).

How are you doing after yesterday’s eclipse? Im feeling wonderfully excited. Hope you are all doing well.

 

Insights on today’s Full Moon!

by with 8 Comments Astrological Insights

Today is Full Moon on Jupiter day!

This already gives away much of what I felt in relation to the energies reflected by this lunation. When the full moon takes place in the axis of Sagittarius and Gemini I feel that there is usually great intellectual energy in the air. Information gets somehow revealed, and because of Mercury travelling in Sagittarius at the moment as well, we can also potentially put the newly found information within the bigger picture of our lives and contextualise.

Astrology reveals cycles within cycles and the interconnection of everything, this full moon wouldn’t be different and I see it as a moment of revelation pos Scorpio Season (also pos last month’s reassessment and insight reflected by Mercury retrograde in Scorpio). I feel that now we can digest all of that much more and by contextualising it, we can achieve not only greater understanding, but we can also move on from whatever came up in the last month.

Mind you, I did see the T square that both the Sun and Moon were doing with Neptune, a planet usually connected to confusion and dissolution of boundaries, so maybe some confusion might still be in the air, but because this t square is a separating one, rather than an applying one, I see it as past confusion not coming confusion. I can imagine Neptune’s presence in the configuration as a reminder to search for something higher in whatever situation you find yourself in.

Transcendence, Neptune also talks about that, so transcending the limitations that we came to meet from very close during last month’s lunation and mercury’s retrogradation process..

Another strong presence during this full moon is Saturn/Venus/Pluto, all very close to each other in Capricorn. This configuration reflects the need to become deadly serious about our values! Ask yourself what do you truly value, how do you value yourself, is there any way of improving this? How do you communicate your values? What are your values in relationships? Transformation is also in the air, and it is important to be conscious of what needs to be changed in order to achieve greater empowerment within and without!

The dark side of the Moon

by with 2 Comments Astrology and me

This is another one about or based on astrology’s fluidity.

I’ve been tracking my progressed moon since 2012, when I started officially studying astrology at the LSA. I wanted to check and see for myself how each shift from houses or signs would be reflected in my life.

Recently my progressed moon has moved from Capricorn into Aquarius, forming a square to my natal Pluto in Scorpio. I went from to do lists and working full time plus studying, (basically from being ultra busy), to freeing myself and spending a lot of time with an aquarian friend who also happens to have his natal moon conjunct Pluto.

Interestingly, with the progressed moon making that square to my natal Pluto I’ve observed how entertainment has been taking a darker tone for me… I have been reading ‘The dark of the soul’ written by Liz Greene on psychopathology in the horoscope and I just finished watching a tv series called ‘The Act’ with Patricia Arquette.

The series is based on real facts about this girl who was raised by a mother who suffered from ‘Munchausen syndrome by proxy’, also known as ‘Factitious disorder imposed on another’, according to wikipedia a ‘condition where a caregiver creates the appearance of health problems in another person, typically their child’ in order to get attention and sympathy from others.

The girl was confined to a wheel chair and basically forced to pretend that she had a whole myriad of health issues that she did not have. And as she starts growing up, wanting to get a boyfriend and look beautiful etc, problems start arising between her and her super, over the top, protective mother and the girl end up finding a way to assassinate her and break free.

This is such a crazy story, in so many levels, and in my opinion reflective of an extreme manifestation of Moon-Pluto contacts in astrology. I have tried finding their astrological charts to look into the symbolism and compare to the story, but it has proven to be quite difficult with unreliable birthdates etc.

Myth seems to mix up with reality rather often, but this is a case where the devouring mother mythic theme is overwhelmingly powerful.

Liz Greene talks about the conflict between the rational ego and the ‘instinctual energies of the unconscious’ saying that: ‘particular individuals are like safety valves for the pressure that builds up. They are the scapegoats and vessels for what is, in effect, a collective madness.’

I wonder if that is what happened in that story, or if at least there was an element of that.

The importance of developing a strong and healthy ego, capable of mediating unconscious material that seems to well up into consciousness is paramount in the process of becoming an individual. And according to Greene, with more individuals comprising society the less likely that there will be a collective psychosis breaking out like in nazi Germany for example.

This is a very interesting idea, and timely for the current weird political climate. By developing healthy individuality we can contribute with less collective madness.

 

 

Reflections on life’s changes…

by with 16 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

I am getting ready to move out from where I’ve been living for the past year and a half.

Writing down organisational lists, to do lists, to let go lists, getting very organised, after all, is Virgo season!

I don’t feel devastated or fearful.

Having a Pluto transit to the natal Moon works as a kind of painful initiation. The transit is still within orb for me, and I guess all this moving around in the last 4 years is a reflection of it.

This moving out is also marking the end of a relationship that began when Pluto was forming the 3rd exact square to my natal Moon.  I have learned a lot and there are not many regrets, I try to look forward to my next steps.

I actually catch myself feeling excited about these changes as I think that my life was somehow stuck in a rut. My job as a chef and volunteer’s coordinator in the community wasn’t doing anymore for a long time. Working full time in something that isn’t my true passion is very difficult for me. Well… I think that working full time is difficult for me in most circumstances, if we consider full time hours as 40 hours per week.

That is crazy!! I mean, what about time for yourself, for organising your life, or taking care of our basic needs for food and personal hygiene etc, plus our needs for novelty and creative endeavours, plus our need to stimulate our intellect… Jesus, working 40 hours a week makes quite impossible to do all of that in a well balanced manner.

I cannot do that.

I believe, selfishly or not, that the belief that we have to be constantly productive and working is a fallacy. I probably have written about this here many times in different ways, but I cannot stress this idea enough. We need time to wonder, to just be. That is not laziness, is rather a necessity for our mental, physical, and spiritual health.

Screw the full time hours system!

Thats the thing, I feel so excited and happy and relieved that I am free again to think about whatever I want to think about, that the sadness of leaving or breaking up isn’t making such a huge impact on me at the moment. I think I have grieved quite intensely during the new moon eclipse in July so I feel ready to move on again.

As tiresome, hard work and uncomfortable as moving out and changes in general can be, I love and need them rather often… or so it seems. Or is that the Pluto transit still in orb with my Moon?

The fact is, and here is a Uranus/Mars conjunct in Sag in the first house speaking, I thrive in change and it seems to me such a delusional idea that one day there will be a plateau of peace and contentment in life capable of leaving changes and disruptions at bay. And as human beings I think that we somehow gravitate towards this idea of placidity and total fulfillment in a somewhat unchangeable situation. No…

The only constant is change.

We are a process, a life process, constantly changing and expanding, and there is nothing we can do about that other than aligning ourselves as best as we can and dance to the music… life will throw different rhythms at different times, and astrologically we can associate that to planetary transits, and somehow there is less suffering in surrendering to these rhythms.

Cheers to life!

Saturn-Pluto nightmares…

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner life

Yesterday I had the pleasure to watch a webinar that astrologer Lynn Bell gave on the Saturn-Pluto conjunction in Capricorn (already within orbit, will be perfecting in January 2020).

She made use of some powerful photographs made by artist Nicolas Bruno (who has a natal square between Pluto and Saturn) to illustrate the archetypal energies of Pluto and Saturn encountering each other.

I have experienced Saturn and Pluto’s powerful symbolism through family stuff, even though neither is placed in the 4th house in my chart.

Lately I have been feeling a little unsettled with the powerfully changing energies around, especially because of my father. He has Sun in Capricorn at the exact degree that the conjunction between Pluto and Saturn are going to happen in January next year. My mother has Sun in the last degree of Cancer, and my brother’s Sun is in the last degree of Capricorn with his Moon also in the final degrees of Cancer.

With all of my willingness to focus on spiritual growth and the powers of transformation and healing through crisis, I couldn’t ignore the fact that the Pluto-Saturn conjunction is activating every member of my nuclear family in a powerful and fundamental way!

The webinar was very helpful because it somehow helped me to keep a sense of the bigger picture, not to mention a deeper understanding of that planetary configuration. Interestingly, Lynn Bell shared that most of the pictures taken by the artist is inspired by his recurrent problems with sleep paralysis and nightmares, and she said that this transit is actually asking that we face those paralysing fears ourselves.

Something needs to die and we cannot hold it anymore.

Astrology, Symbolism and Fluidity

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meProfessional Astrologer

February has been an interesting month for me so far.

The latest journey (Im realising more and more that there is always a journey within a journey within a journey…), the one connected with this month’s unfoldment, has been very much related with astrological work and symbolism for me.

I’ve had around 12 clients this year and the more I work with astrology the more it mesmerises me as something that is totally alive and mysterious.

What is behind the astrological symbolism communicating with us? Who is IT, or even, is there a who? The universe? The cosmos? God? I have no answer. And yet every single time, I feel something grand happens when Im reading a horoscope, and the connections that I can make afterwards also.

In the book ‘Cosmic Loom’  Dennis Elwell says:

‘For the non-mathematician 196 and 2744 seem unconnected, since they have not a single digit in common, but the mathematician recognises them as the square and cube of the same number. So there is a language of mathematics whereby hidden relationships are revealed, and there is a language of astrology which connects things that might seem unconnected’ (pp. 10 – 11).

I really like that he uses mathematics as an example to explain the hidden language encoded in astrological symbolism as well.

Symbols are a wonderful and elusive thing at the same time.

It never ceases to surprise me and I’m inclined to give it space to communicate rather than rush into putting it inside interpretative boxes.

Out of these 12 clients that I’ve mentioned above, more than half are currently dealing with a Pluto transit/progression to natal Venus/Moon, and my Solar Arc Venus has just conjoined my natal Pluto a few months ago. There is something about this archetypal union between the feminine and Pluto, the God of the underworld, that has been trying to communicate with me. I feel honoured that with each one of my clients I had the opportunity to explore a different dimension of this combination, in a different context, with a different life story.

Im in awe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturnian growth pos Plutonic apocalypse…

by with 2 Comments Astrological InsightsAstrology and meSearch for home

Saturn is transiting around 14 degrees Capricorn and just about to form the first of 3 or 4 exact squares to my natal Moon in Libra. I can feel this transit reflecting couple of different processes within myself.

On one hand I felt the urge to communicate my need to cut down my hours at my current job as a chef so I can dedicate more of my time to what I believe is my call and vocation: astrology.  Saturn is currently transiting my second house so material issues and my values in general have been taken under consideration before I made this decision.

Interestingly, people have been in touch with me inquiring about my services, and when I was travelling in Brazil earlier this month, I had about 6 clients (plus 3 that I did not have time to see before coming back to the UK), which in a way is telling me to get back on track and follow my bliss!

(I also did a successful talk for the Psychedelic Society in Bristol at the end of November last year in which a scholar from Bristol University was present, and later on he contacted me saying how much he appreciated my talk and invited me to participate of one of his projects about paganism and well being!)

Last week I also started to go to the gym, for the first time in my life, and Im actually really enjoying it! I feel so good after exercising (I used to cycle regularly when I lived in London but not anymore since I’ve moved to the forest) that I don’t really need to eat all the sugar and comfort food that I needed in order to make me happier. It’s interesting that just the act of exercising more seems to naturally make you want to choose healthier foods. This is also a lunar theme, the daily routine and diet, which seems to be going under transformation at the moment.

Saturn in Capricorn reflects the gift of discipline and the potential to develop will power. Im doing my best to take this moment as an opportunity to strengthen and bring myself closer to the kind of life that I want to live rather than wait for people to change or opportunities to be given.

I believe this is a DIY time!

Another theme connected with the Moon in Libra is love relationships.

Me and my partner have been living together for a few months and Im realising more and more that this relationship isn’t fulfilling my needs (Moon again) and that I have been oblivious to this fact for quite some time. The feeling that I’ve been having lately is strongly motivating me to fill up the gaps myself and to move out eventually (when is the right time I suppose, I don’t really want to rush anything under a Saturn transit…).

I am not sure how this process is going to unfold, but Im feeling a strong urge not only to be self contained but also to be self motivated enough to create my own happiness instead of expecting someone else to change.

I feel like I have done my homework when Pluto was transiting my Moon and a lot of the challenges that came up were met head on. Many of my “libran” fears connected with relationships, including the fear of being alone (fear of doing things on my own, like travelling or moving houses, etc), was addressed in the last 5 or 6 years and I feel so much stronger now.

I feel that I can do anything by myself! Hah!

We shall see how things unfold, with new awareness and my commitment to the process of individuation and growth, and I hope that all of you out there are making the most of the energies available for your individuation and growth as well.