Travels again..

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional AstrologerTrip

I have been traveling for quite a bit this month.

Even though all that I can think of and feel truly excited about is dedicating myself to my work and career, I couldn’t refuse the opportunity to go away for a little.

Im in Barcelona visiting my brother. (And managing to work from here.)

I had one client two days ago and today have another one for an astrology reading.

The feeling of freedom is incredible when you work for yourself!

I also feel that the time is ripe for me as I witness many different opportunities opening up.

Transiting Jupiter is making its last conjunction to my natal Moon and at the same time my progressed Moon in Capricorn is approaching a conjunction to my natal Jupiter.

A double whammy that propelled me to take the opportunity and travel.

Buddhafield was also incredible. Once more (like in the previous year) I had a very powerful experience of healing and profound exchanges with people. (I also managed to do some work there!)

Different than last year though, Pluto’s square to my natal Moon wasn’t exact anymore (the transit is beginning to move away now, even if slowly..) and I could feel the difference internally (also externally with all the changes that have occurred in my life).

More solidity and sturdiness, less destruction and feeling the void within.

The void has actually somehow become the gravity centre that allows me to be present..

Toiletroom

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for homeTrip

How amazing.

I’m laying down on the floor of a tiny little room beside the toilet at my friend’s house. The boiler is in this place and keeps making quite a bit of noise every now and then.

There is a broken chair and some of my stuff spread around.

A bag filled with books, a backpack and a big box containing a random selection of my belongings that I’ve picked up yesterday at my brother’s house.

The last time I saw these box was when I moved out back in March 2015. It feels like having a little treasure really. I had forgotten a lot of those things and it was a joy yesterday to have them in my hands again.

Never mind that though, I’m not so much into the material side of things. Things are just things. They’re replaceable.

What I want to state here is my feeling of appreciation for this piece of floor in this tiny room (while Pluto goes direct!). The old me would not be able to even conceive myself being relax and feeling secure in a situation like this one right now.

And right now I just feel so grateful for being able to sleep alone again…

Lately I’ve been craving my own company so much that I would rejoice in the toilet for having the feeling of aloneness between 4 walls..

(And speaking about that, someone just used the toilet as I was writing this post and the smell is pretty bad here now..)

Updates of plutonian times..

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for homeTrip

I’m hanging out at my friend’s kitchen now.

As usual he has woken me up at 7:30 am with his idiosyncratic routine. He is renting both of the bedrooms in the flat so we share the living room when I’m around.

I’m back in London again. I’m still traveling quite a bit even though I’m just getting more and more tired of it.

Last week I was at the forest of Dean which was lovely.

The man I’ve been seeing came to visit me and again we had an intense fight on the third day that we spent together. That’s also the third time this happens.

The Venus square Neptune part of my psyche really can’t seem to be able to discriminate and see this relationship clearly.

On one hand he challenges me a lot, which is great. I’ve never been with a guy who would confront me like he does. On another hand our encounters are becoming very stressful when we fight (even though we also share intense positive moments) and I can’t help but think that perhaps I would be better off on my own.

Since Pluto started transiting my natal Moon I’ve gone through so much strife and crisis. So much destruction has happened and now I just feel like rebuilding myself. Moving into my new home, focusing on saving up some money to buy myself a laptop again (pretty hard to keep writing on this small tablet.), sticking up to a good daily routine.. loving myself…

I’m also sure that he is a manifestation of this transit as I’ve met him when Pluto was retrograde making the third exact square to my moon in July.

Old manipulative tecniques, emotional blackmail, victimisation.. old unconscious patterns of relating in general don’t feature in my interaction with this man.

It doesn’t work. (Not that I consciously want them to work)

He always challenges and questions my communication a lot. He has Venus in Scorpio in the third house and is a lot more direct and talkative than most Scorpio in Venus men that I’ve been with in the past.

He is currently at a 10 day meditation retreat and we agreed not to talk to each other for those days.

Today I’m officially counting down the days to move in to my new bedroom in Bristol. 7 days to go. (And Pluto will be direct when that happens..)

Saturn is also making a trine to my MC and I’ve had a few unexpected requests for astrology work. That’s truly great because I’m not putting much of my energy into my passion at the moment (domestic issues are feeling more urgent with this Pluto/Moon stuff)  so I can only imagine how it will be when I do focus on my work.

Internally I already feel different though. More confidence is available as I’m stepping more and more into my inner authority without feeling scared.

Empowerment.

Also yesterday I did my first head stand.

I’ve been patiently and slowly working towards that since January. I wanted to do it with control and equilibrium rather than by throwing my legs against the wall.

Respect the timing..

(This also works as a symbolic reflection of all the work that I’ve been doing on myself with those multiple transits in the last few years..)

My gratitude to Hades..

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeTrip

I’m back to London feeling tremendously happy and grateful.

Not because I’m in London but because I’ve had a magical time at the festival.

I can hardly believe how amazing I am feeling during this third hit from transiting Pluto to my Moon.

(Thank you to some of you that contacted me saying that now it would not be as painful, I think you are right, having experienced 2 hits previously does make a big difference I guess!)

I’ve met so many good people and felt so much at home over there.

I also (surprisingly) did a talk on astrology during the festival that went well and made me feel alive. The opportunity served as a confirmation of my decisions as well.

The more I become myself, the more I’m on the right path and able to listen to my true call.

It was beautiful!

On top of that I got a message from my friend who is opening a cafe in Bristol confirming that it is happening in about a month and that he wants me to be the manager.

I’m soon moving to the city I wanted to live in for a while and will be able to rebuild myself financially while helping someone that I really like. Someone that values myself for who I am and appreciates my work.

Amazing.

And then, towards the end of the festival, I’ve met someone new.

It was magical.

It felt so good to hang out with someone older and more emotionally mature. Someone that seems to be committed to self growth and spirituality as much as I am.

It was beautiful.

We went to Bristol together for a few days (that’s where he is from!!!) And I had a truly beautiful time.

For some reason I had totally forgotten how it is when someone really values you and your company.

He made a point in reminding me.

With previous lessons on my natal Venus square Neptune, I am keeping my feet on the ground this time.

Never mind the future.

At the start of my third Pluto/Moon experience I’m just gratefully contemplating what seems to have happened as a big leap.

A leap of consciousness being reflected by outer reality..

 

Travels of a progressed Moon in Sagittarius..

by with 5 Comments Astrology and meSearch for homeTrip

I feel a warmth in my heart. Excitement.

I’m all set to travel again, this time I’m heading to Taunton in Devon to work at another summer festival.

Since my progressed moon entered Sagittarius in February last year packing up has become a kind of routine. By now I think that I’ve developed the most effective way of packing everything I need in my backpack. It’s amazing!

And somehow being constantly on the road really feels like home to me! (I’m also a life path number 5 in numerology)

Anyways, this festival is meant to be a very especial one that I haven’t been to yet. It’s called Buddhafield  :), and as the name already says, it is a spiritual one. (without drugs or alcohol being sold)

By experience, it is great to be with a crowd that tries getting their kicks from spiritual work rather than drugs. (nothing against alternate states of consciousness induced by substances when not done on a daily basis)

While I’m there, in a week or so, Pluto is going to go down to 15 degrees again and make the third exact square to my moon.

I hope I have some kind of breakthrough hanging out there. Perhaps a feeling of being at home, even if temporary, leads me further in my path. (which is becoming more and more connected with spirituality)

Fingers crossed and a positive mindset.. ♡

Astrologicality..

by with One Comment Astrology and meInner lifeTrip

I’ve been gardening a lot in the last few days and having insights.

So much seems to have happened inside me during the month of June. The whole mutable grand cross and Mars retrograde as well reflecting some kind of inner turmoil.

The funny thing that got me thinking is the fact that since Mars stationed and went direct a few people got in touch with me requesting some astrological work.

During the last two months, while Mars was retrograde, I did worry quite a bit about having to make a decision regarding how I’m gonna be making my income. I also had many moments thinking that perhaps I would have to borrow money from someone else for the first time.

Self doubt.

This whole thing made me think about my approach to astrology.

If I was writing a forecast to someone else I would have noticed the retrograde Mars more clearly, especially if it was natally the ruler of the 6th house and Ascendant, and speak about the need to rethink actions or strategies.

Why did I forget that myself?!

One thing that somehow disturbs me is how, many times, (we) astrologers try too hard to fit the symbolism into reality.

Is the other way around of what it should be in my view.

The capacity to interpret and understand symbols should enhance our ability to make choices. It should be used to deepen our understanding of life and other people, it should somehow add complexity and not be used to oversimplify and to put people in boxes.

One of the greatest risks with the astrology of disempowerment is using it to justify some kind of behaviour or circumstance without having to take much responsibility for it.

“I’m like this because of my Mars conjunction Pluto” “I can’t do this because I’m too fiery” “I do that because I lack fire” and so on.

Is also a little like going back to the medieval mentality of praying to a “father figure” God that will punish or reward you depending on your behaviour.

Is not being able to be responsible and thoughtful about your actions and life situation.

Blame on the planets. “This is happening because Saturn is on my Ascendant”…

In my view is becoming clearer that the astrological position of the planets are reflecting your inner life.

There is no out there causing you something. We are one and the same. Perhaps we are still the result of an explosion expanding together.

It’s a dance.

I think that by trying to avoid the more passive kind of astrological interpretation I end up sometimes ignoring things like the retrograde Mars on my Ascendant.

I really feel that I need to find a good balance here..

Chironic pain

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeTrip

I’ve had a sound day today.

A few chats about astrology and couple of people asking me for readings. It seems like Mars going back to forward motion is about to reflect me getting a bit busier with my work. (Mars rules my ascendant and 6th house)

I took a walk in the rain on my way back to where I’m staying.

That felt liberating.

Such a familiar feeling when I’m on the road. Strong sense of belonging. Lightness in my heart as I move forward.

Freedom.

Then, when I got “home” had the room for myself and the chance to catch up with sad feelings.

Feeling rejected always brings the old pain back.

And that’s when I realise that transiting chiron has just turned retrograde. It’s at 25 degrees Pisces, just one degree away from making an opposition to my Venus from my natal 5th house. (5th house is ruled by Neptune which makes a square to natal Venus..)

Disillusionment.

That is painful. But a different kind of pain, compared to the plutonian one.

This seems to be a more silent kind of pain, less dramatic. Not so much death involved, but a sense of damage beyond repair.

It’s quiet and yet profound. Pluto pain is a lot louder, it really messes you up. It cuts you open and throws your guts all over the place. Blood everywhere. Dramatic shock.

Not with chiron though.

Transiting Saturn has also been activating my natal chiron, and so has Neptune. Again, similar “chironic”/neptunian theme.

Feeling damaged and silently crying, like an orphan on mother’s day.

Then I speak with a friend, laughter. Her healthy and beautiful face fills my heart and removes me from that space.

And for now I am whole again.

Pluto teachings on impermanence..

by with 12 Comments Inner lifeTrip

I’ve been feeling quite weird since the referendum’s result yesterday. (UK leaving the EU)

Confusion.

But I think, mostly, I am tapping into the collective confusion.

I know that, because my life has been quite messy and unclear for over a year now. Since I left my “stability” I’ve been working hard on a stronger sense of solidity and strength. (The kind that does not come from any temporary situation)

It really seems like I have truly understood that everything is so changeable that if we attach our happiness/security/meaning to anything outside ourselves we are bound, sooner or later, to be in despair.

I don’t see any other way to achieve inner peace than achieving it through some serious personal work. What else can we do really?

How can you stop life from happening? (in a larger sense)

Everything inevitably has an end and that causes suffering.

(No news for the Buddhists)

Places, countries, jobs, relationships, economy, you name it. There is always going to be the birth, development and then death of something. That’s the natural law.

And our ego self isn’t necessarily our wisest source of guidance, most of the time I find it to be just the opposite really.

Vanity, pride, greed, selfishness…  the unconscious fear of disappearing is very often a guiding force to our ego. Fear of not being good enough, fear of not having enough, fear of the fear..

There must be a way out!

And for me, the way out is only through finding Me.

I really don’t know what the future holds. Even when I look at future planetary transits (that so many times can be counterproductive as it easily becomes a source of fear and anxiety) I don’t truly know what is going to happen.

It might be this, it might be that.

In this way, I don’t feel I have much power over the future really.

My power is over myself, is over how I learn to master myself. Not about how I suppress my emotions but, more perhaps, about how I can work with these powerful energies. CONSCIOUSLY.

It’s about finding ways to keep yourself centred so nothing (am I deluding myself?!) can throw you off balance. Nothing!

Feeling fearful or anxious won’t make any situation better.

And so I’ve practiced yoga twice today and I’m really paying attention to boundaries. It feels good.

The funny thing is that retrograde Saturn is making an exact trine to my MC and I ended up, surprisingly, leading a yoga practice here in the mornings. Tomorrow is my third day doing it..

 

Professionautism..

by with 13 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeTrip

I’m in Little Dean now (just near the forest of Dean) at the lovely community I spent last year’s summer.

It’s really amazing to be back here, this is one of those really special places in the world. The kind that you always want to go back to.

Yesterday we had dinner together, big table and many blessings. Abundance. Laughter.

Then we improvised a little ritual for the summer solstice/full moon in Sagittarius.

They were asking me what should they write it down. Me, the astrologer.

So I briefly said some stuff about the solstice and full moons and Sagittarius/Gemini flavours.

It was difficult to translate the symbols to each and everyone without being able to get personal.

As an astrologer you really have to, not only master your understanding of what those symbols could possibly mean, but also have the sensitivity and flexibility to translate the meanings back to a language that each individual can relate to.

I’m specifically speaking about a very mixed crowd of people. (different than teaching a group of people that somehow are on the same “page”)

Anyways, the situation made me think about the slow pace that my astrological career is taking. It made me think of how I’m really binding my time when it comes to “putting myself out there”.

Connecting this with what I wrote on my last post (and the conflicting dialogue between Saturn and Neptune in the sky) I am reluctant to getting out there as the “mystic astrologer” kind of thing. The airy fairie type that keep always speaking of changes and letting go and everything that is also nothing at the same time.

I thought about it. I’ve questioned myself if this is an ego trip (the need to be recognised for doing a serious intellectual work) and I’m really trying to peal my ego by having almost nothing at the moment.

But my conclusion is that this isn’t really about my ego. (or is it?!)

I just need to be authentic and true to myself.

That way of doing it (selling myself hard, advertising that I can help you find your purpose or whatever, or perhaps making my practice into a business) doesn’t seem to resonate with me.

I’m resistant. I just want things to unfold organically.

And I am hoping that I’m not deluding myself.. the whole Saturn/Neptune thing again..

(and this full Moon was bang on on my natal Neptune in the second house..)