Full Moon highlights

We just had a full moon in Cancer on the 1 of January and will be having another one on the 31.

The first one was mildly intense for me. I had my brother and 2 other old friends from school staying over at my place for a few days. It was really nice to have them around and we did have fun.

But I also caught myself worrying about everyone else’s wellbeing and feeling stressed out most of the time.

It is interesting to see how during a full moon things get really heightened depending on what gets activated in your natal chart. Whatever issue is being transformed in a longer process (reflected by a long term transit) gets very much under the spotlight in some kind of exaggerated form if activated by the full moon.

During the last few days I could really see the people pleaser in me (reflected by my moon in Libra) and how difficult it was to assert myself and my needs.

They went back to London couple of days ago and Im still recovering and indulging myself in my own company, aware that on the 31 of January there will be a full moon eclipse exactly conjunct my MC/IC axis.

Financial struggles and perhaps some inflexibility on my part seem to be pushing me to move again.

(Its funny to see that even though I have lots of mutability in my chart and a natural willingness to adapt, having the ruler of the 6th house conjunct Uranus in the first house reflects a side of myself that is very stubborn and peculiar when it comes to daily job and routine…)

I might be getting a job at a community in the Forest of Dean, still waiting to hear from them.

And here we perhaps come full circle.

With the starting point reflected by Pluto transiting my Moon in early 2015 and me leaving my London life behind in search for a more meaningful way to live.

That does not mean that I won’t be working on my astrological practice anymore.

But I can see big changes heading my way, highlighted by the coming full moon eclipse.

Shadow work cast the light

I have presented a talk about the shadow in the horoscope on the 21 of December. The theme was chosen in relation to the season, it just made sense to talk about the shadow on the darkest day of the year.

When I was back at home I did my own private Yule ritual to honor and welcome the Sun’s rebirth.

And that’s when I fully realised that for the past month, whilst preparing my presentation (this time I had a projector available to use), I was doing intense shadow work myself.

{It is amazing to see how we naturally start resonating with whatever subject we decide to put our minds into.}

The last month has been one of the quietest, with no other occasional work to do, and I felt thrown back at myself.

A lot of anxious feelings and many of my insecurities came out to stare me in the face.

It was interesting to be going through yet another layer in this process, which, even though very challenging, seems to be strongly offering me an opportunity to grow and find my sense of self and solidity within rather than without.

(I truly feel that Pluto in Capricorn transiting my second house, and aspecting my Moon from there, symbolises my search for a different, perhaps more authentic, sense of security…)

With Saturn moving into Capricorn in the winter solstice as well, I also had the realisation that my ambitions were somehow being tested and needing reassessment.

My natal Sun is in the 10th house and vocation does seem to be the arena where my light shines the brightest, but it must come from the heart, not from an ego seeking validation!

My spiritual values and integrity have also been challenged throughout this shadow work period. The choices that I have been making so far, based in what I believe rather than “social ideas of success”, versus the incredibly intense insecurity and fear of being “wiped out” and not surviving in this world.

The whole thing got me thinking about community living once more and with a strong urge to move closer to nature again.

Liz Greene said in one of her Pluto webinars that when you are going through a Pluto transit, all of the profound changes that you experience individually are part of your role in the collective changes that Pluto’s cycles are actually reflecting.

Our personal drama gives us the guts and impulses that later on will compound the social transformation.

We are talking about survival here.

And with Pluto in Capricorn (and Saturn as well) I really feel that our survival depends on changing many of the basic values that our society is built upon, and that Donald Trump seems to be the personification of it, in a rather exaggerated form.

I am talking about patriarchy here.

The lack of connection and devaluation of the feminine (objectification of women, lack of connection and caring for the environment, profit coming before wellbeing, etc) and a distorted manifestation of masculinity, if not changed, will destroy us.

All of these rather important questions are the foundation of my need for reassessing ambitions.

How do I want to develop my astrology business in this world? What kind of contribution can I truly make without changing my life style?  How can I put my skills into service without feeding the patriarchal structures in our society?

Colourful Symbolism..

I have been really busy lately, a lot of inner changes taking place and a few short trips.

But I felt the urge to try coming back to writing again.

I have recently gone to a training course in theatre and the experience was quite powerful (I have a strong positive feeling about mixing astrology with theatre!).

Ate the end of the course we performed Macbeth, a play that strongly reflects transiting Pluto’s last almost exact square to my Moon, happening now.

The hero’s journey into the underworld.

A descent into the darkness.

I came back home feeling that there is much to integrate from the whole experience, and obviously, also much to be integrated from my personal descent into the underworld in the last few years. (whilst Pluto transited my Moon)

And yesterday while I was dancing in my room I had this vision about practicing astrology like I would paint a picture.

In my experience, when I tried painting a picture with too much rigidity I never felt quite happy about the result. It was only when I understood that the colours should blend with fluidity that I started to truly appreciate my art work. I started to feel freer to experiment and something quite unique would come out.

I feel that with astrology is a little bit like that, if you get too stuck with the cookbook type of interpretation you end up too rigid in your interpretation of a person’s natal chart or process of growth. There is no movement or texture. No different nuances.

I had this vision while I was reassessing what happened to me in the last year.

Pluto transiting my Moon has never left the background, but different transits have added different tones and stories to it. Around the time that Jupiter transited my Venus I entered a very Jupiterian relationship, with a very Jupiterian character. (from Venus, transiting Jupiter then moved towards making a conjunction to my Moon)

A lot of the themes in the relationship was very much about Jupiter, but, Plutonian themes were also a strong part of the whole thing.

I can almost see this on a canvas!

We can’t really separate one from the other with clear cut. Think about painting with watercolours, about how the colours blend and mix in a unique way..

Now try seeing astrology in this way.

 

A few words on the next Full Moon Eclipse..

Im back home in the UK now and can’t help but feel overwhelmed by I am not even sure what (?).

This is the second month that I can feel very strongly the energetic build up of the full Moon and I try just watching it without getting myself too involved in it.

As I take a look at the full Moon’s chart for Bristol (where I currently live) I can’t help but notice Pluto, placed very closely to the ascendant, still making the exact square to Jupiter while Venus in Cancer moves closer to forming a T square.

To me this feels like a big stretch up for transformation, the transformation (potential growth) of our relationships (Jupiter in Libra) linked up with a somewhat survival agenda (Pluto in Capricorn opposite Venus in Cancer), and/or perhaps questions like how much do we depend on our relationships in order to survive will be brought into light.

I see issues of boundaries, individuality and togetherness being triggered.

Jupiter is the apex of the forming T square and it also aspects both the Moon and the Sun, by respectively a trine and a sextile, seeming to hold the key to all of these conflicting and apparent opposing forces.

What is the feeling connected with Jupiter in Libra?! What can be the key possibly held by this symbolism?!

My take on it is: relationships that promote equality and growth!

With the building up of these energies we can potentially see codependency being strongly challenged.  (an issue not taken lightly by neither Aquarius or Leo who symbolises the axis connected with individuality and the specialness/uniqueness of each individual..)

Also this full Moon, happening at 15 degrees Aquarius (opposite the Sun at 15 degrees Leo), does make me think of issues connected with belonging and our sense of alienation being activated.

The Sabian symbol for 15 degrees Aquarius is ” Two lovebirds sitting on a fence and singing happily.”

This somehow resonates with what I have been feeling regarding this lunation and I can’t help but think that the two lovebirds are sitting on a fence not on a tree or something else, they are sitting on a fence which has division and separation at its core purpose I suppose..

This full Moon is also a lunar eclipse and I see eclipses strongly connected with turning points. It feels like a portal that once crossed there is no way back.. not that we would want to go back necessarily…

 

Inner chaos

No, I didn’t get the job.

And from one moment to the next I am thrown back into the Pluto transiting second house, going back to square natal Moon, situation.

Anxious feelings about survival pervading me… an unpleasant sensation in my stomach and the absolute certainty that I do not want and will not go back to working in hospitality.

Even if that means giving up my life in Bristol and going back to Brasil.

There must be a way out from jobs that you don’t enjoy, jobs that crush your soul. I can’t go on like that anymore.

And at the same time..

The fear that I’m never gonna get out of this, no matter how much I want, how much I try, the fear of never accomplishing my purpose..

The fear of running out of cash like I did when I moved here in September last year.

On another hand I did do quite a few readings since I quit the cafe hell. Is just dealing with the insecurity of not working for someone else, which at the end of the day I don’t truly want anyways. So what is the trouble?! What’s wrong with me?!

Perhaps the last wave of infantile fears and inappropriate behaviour that is coming up to the surface for me to release them?

Pluto will be back at 16 degrees Capricorn by December, only one degree away from my natal Moon, and that does reflect that the transformation (connected with this symbolism in particular) still an ongoing process for me.

I did notice that I had a massive crisis at my cafe work, really wanting to leave, on the very same day that Pluto went retrograde.

It made me chuckle when I realised the synchronicity, and the thought of “no, it isn’t finished yet” came straight back into my mind.

There we go, here I am again, struggling to find a way of surviving in this society (Soulful survival). Getting extremely fed up with what prevents me from becoming myself.

What happens next? I don’t know, I just don’t know.

Lunar mess

Yesterday I went to a little Christmas gathering in one of my neighbours. I didn’t really know anyone there apart from my house mate.

It is amazing to see how much of my lunar function is still sort of out of tune.

People would come to talk to me and I would just see myself reacting in an overly Libran fashion, smiling all the time but also feeling the undercurrents of anxiety or darker feelings in almost everyone in the room (probably more linked to my Saturn and Pluto in the 12th house).

Really, I was amazed to see how this part of my psyche (the one connected with the symbolism of the Moon) is still not functioning in a more authentic fashion yet, (although I can now see that happening whereas before it used to be just a reaction, so there is some growth there.)

Mercury will be going retrograde at 15 degrees, the same degree of my Moon in Libra, so probably more insights for me on the Pluto transit and it’s effects on my Moon.

I think that’s probably part of what happens, when going under an important major transit, whichever planet/drive in your psyche is being touched is going to be completely out of tune for a while.

I guess this is just a natural part of the process of transformation. It has to be messed up in order to be reorganised in a different fashion.

Little chaos

Things are getting pretty intense here.

Pluto has moved just one degree away from the square to my natal Moon and I just noticed the typical energetic buzz of black moon Lilith… its just 2 degrees away from crossing over my Ascendant in Scorpio.

I feel like there is a volcano just about to erup inside me now.

(And I say it by experience, from someone who has Venus in opposition to black moon Lilith in the natal chart…)

Feelings of frustration at work are growing exponentially and the sense, or perhaps fear, that I will never express my solar self is haunting me. The self that I am meant to become but that does not seem to exist at the moment..

Then I’ve broke up my relationship one more time just now. The individual is an original Uranus conjunct the IC and I’m a Mars-Uranus conjunct in the first house, I guess at the moment, at its worst.

I’m having a little drink now, haven’t done this in ages, and I’m feeling that that relationship was somehow holding me back actually?! For some reason bearing frustration is a little harder when I’m in a relationship.

I’m not sure.

But funny enough there still seems to be an island of stillness within me..

Tying knots in the 2nd house..

The intensity of these month with the culmination of the last exact square from transiting Pluto to my natal Moon has been quite different from the previous ones.

The impression that I have is that things have been challenged to transform from within,  beginning with the deepest unconscious layers (still when Pluto was 2 degrees orbit away from the first exact square), and now perhaps hitting mostly the more gross parts that still need to be fined tuned.

In the last two months I haven’t had many internal breakdowns or many difficult emotions to deal with. During the first square in March 2015 I was overwhelmed by fear and sadness and emotions in general.

Now I feel a lot more stable and secure within myself.

What seems to be happening in this last stage is more connected with work and financial life and my values really (a lot of the matters connected with the 2nd house of the horoscope).

It was only in the last week that I consciously noticed how much I’m already feeling deflated and bored at work. I think I sort of came to the realisation that this is “just another job” again.

We aren’t really doing much to get involved in the local community, mainly the boss is focused on making money and a bit desperate because we are still not very busy. He is saving money on certain things that I disagree on like rubbish collection (we are not recycling yet!! I still can’t really believe that he doesn’t seem to care too much about that).

Then I also have noticed him at times behaving like a capitalist desperate boss, feeling agitated when he sees you sitting down for a bit (on a shift of 9 hours and and half standing on your feet) on a day that is extremely quiet and there isn’t much to do anyway.

(I’m not holding a grudge or anything, don’t get me wrong. I can see that he is trying his best and that he doesn’t have much experience.)

But my problem is that there seems to be more preoccupation with looking cool and forward thinking and ecological than actually truly caring about the environment for instance.

I understand that this is just the first month and chaos is all around. But he did get some extra money from the bank so there shouldn’t be an excuse for recycling and composting food  and coffee waste.

I feel like I’m still going against my values, a bit like I was when living in London.

I don’t want to put my energy into egotistical purposes. I want to work for something that will improve the collective situation somehow.

Power to the people.

So this week I’m only working for 3 days and the idea that I could save up money to do a yoga teacher training in 3 months is gone.

Now I’m not sure anymore. All I know is that I have to invest more time and energy into my work as an astrologer and perhaps still live on a low budget for some time.

But I refuse to give my energy full time to something that I don’t believe in..

Words for catching up

Pluto is making its lat exact square to my natal moon for the whole month of November and I feel like I’ve been very busy.

There is a lot that I would like to do, but at the moment most of my energy is concentrated in rebuilding the material structures of my life.

I’m also putting some of my energy into socialising and sharing myself with others, especially with my boyfriend.

Yes, a lot has happened and I haven’t really broken up the relationship with the sagittarian guy I’ve met at the festival during the summer. After much turmoil (especially during the intense month of September and early October), and presenting many challenges to each other, our bond seems to be becoming more solid.

This is proving to be a deeper relationship.

I can’t be bother to pretend being something that I’m not and even when I sometimes unconsciously try reliving some of the old patterns of behaviour he stops me right away by openly challenging me.

He doesn’t let me fall asleep.

Two days ago I bought couple of floral remedies and I am really interested in taking some kind of course or going for a workshop to learn more about it.

They truly fascinate me and I can easily imagine them becoming my next obsession..

I started taking centaury (one of Bach remedies).

The medium I’ve met at a healing centre in Holland during my travels last year who told me I should have that one.

In five minutes she was able to summarise what was one of the main reasons for many of my issues. That was impressive and her words echoes in my mind still.

It felt like an important part of the puzzle was given to me on that day. My search had become a little clearer.

About 10 days ago I watched a webinar about Pluto with Liz Greene.

She is truly brilliant.

One of the tips she gave us was to track down the transits from Pluto to your natal chart, even the ones that happened before you were born, and see what was happening in the family. In this way, she said, we could perhaps achieve a better understanding of what Pluto means to us, of how we experience this archetype in a more personal way. (She says that Pluto is connected with a collective instinct in order to survive.)

With Pluto, she said that, “Events carry a feeling of fatedness, necessity, the unfolding of a previously invisible pattern, unforeseen consequences of earlier choices made not only by oneself, but by one’s family or the collective.”

And further down she said that ” all Pluto transits carry with them an impersonal or collective impetus toward survival through transformation that is archetypal and lies beyond one’s own personal issues.”

Depending on which planet is being touched by transiting Pluto we can have clues on what kind of contribution we are bringing to the collective “impetus to survive”.

The process is so deep and multi layered that I can’t express very well all that has, and still is, happening in my psyche.

But hopefully I will be writing a bit more from now on..

The cafe’s chart

We opened the cafe today!

I took a look at the exact time that we opened the doors as I really wanted to cast it’s astrological chart.

I’m not a hundred per cent sure on how to read it as I am more in tune with the psychological approach to interpreting astrological symbols, but I find it interesting nevertheless.

The rising sign is at 6 degrees Scorpio with both rulers together (Mars and Pluto at 15 Capricorn) in the 3rd house. I thought that perhaps this is the kind of signature of a survivor.

The third house makes me think that we should probably get actively involved with the local community and neighbourhood. Perhaps even promote or facilitate some kind of exchange of information between people?! The Moon is also in Gemini, which somehow speaks of connecting and being flexible?!

The MC is at 18 degrees Leo and the Sun, it’s ruler, in Libra in the 12th house. That sounds a little reclusive for a cafe?! I’m not sure. The Sun is also conjunct Mercury and both are opposing Uranus in the 6th house. Something about being quirk in some way?!

Moon in Gemini is applying to a trine with the Sun in Libra and I like the feel of it.

I specially like that Jupiter and Venus are in mutual reception (Jupiter in Libra, Venus in Sagittarius), Jupiter being the ruler of the 2nd house and Venus the natural ruler of that area. Also Venus is in the second house of the Cafe’s chart and it will eventually make a sextile to Jupiter in the 11th (again the idea of community?! Somehow engaging with groups of people more consciously? An ideal?).

Saturn is in the second house, but it is applying to a sextile with Jupiter also. Perhaps there will be a solid finacial build up?!

I’m feeling quite tired now, not used to doing this kind of work anymore.

It was a 12 hour shift today.

The cool side is that I’ve never worked as a manager before. The challenge of learning new things and taking more responsibility does excite me a bit.

At least for now.

And that’s how I spent the day with transiting Mars activating the Pluto transit to my Moon, working hard!