I had just about the worst night I’ve had in ages.
I woke up around 3:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep.
Not only that, but had to be the container for a whole range of dark feelings for hours. It was like a well pouring out many variations of anxiety and worries.
I can’t even pinpoint what it is exactly, I don’t really know what caused it. But I think that I can recognise too well the plutonian flavour to what just happened.
Another layer of unconscious fears are being purged.
Then, under the grips of my restlessness I casted the chart for the coming full moon in Aries on the 16th of October (only a few days ahead..) and couldn’t help but notice my breath getting shortened as I looked at the symbols.
Casted for Bristol, where I am currently living, the Ascendant is 29 degrees Virgo. It’s ruler, Mercury, is at 15 degrees Libra making an exact square to Pluto in Capricorn (with Mars in Capricorn not too far away..) and both activating my natal Moon at 15 degrees Libra.
Was that enough reflection of what’s brewing inside me?!
I saw the myriad of red lines between the planets running in my bloodstream and the tension, symbolically represented in the drawing, was strongly felt in the darkest hour today.
I don’t see the planets causing anything to me, but rather reflecting what goes on inside me.
Around 6am I was sitting down straight in my bed and trying my best to meditate. Trying to just watch those feelings with awareness. Trying hard not to get my head involved in story telling.
The alchemical work has to be done, there is no other choice.
I can’t entirely blame the planets for all my moments of anxiety, panic or woe…can I? If so, my whole life could go on trial with Pluto, Mercury and Mars needing the best lawyer Aether can provide.
However, I have been hitting some all-time lows emotionally/esteem-wise recently. And, just last night, whilst battling a bad cough and restless desires riddled with inadequacy and confusion, I was trying to rekindle a story I had stopped writing a few years ago. Suddenly, my computer started acting up; the screen kept jittering. I thought it might have a seizure and die/blue screen on me. Or, had someone taken control of it? In any case, I had this bad feeling like I had done this before and should not be writing such a sad account of recent events. It was what I gave up doing about four years ago, now. I was only attempting it again because an old, familiar face knocked on email’s door.
As for Capricorn, I have been dreading a day I now forget when it will occur. I think it’s a Capricorn Mercury day. All I remember is that some placement of Capricorn that only happens about once every 10 or 20 years is due to repeat…or, rather, I am concerned what happened the last time it was in that placement will erupt, again. I don’t want to go through those darkest days, again. Nor something just as tragic which feels like it could be on the horizon.
Reblogged this on Lost Dudeist Astrology.