Moodtracking function

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

The more I work on the 3 months personal forecast that I’ve been offering for clients, the more I observe the importance of the quick moving planets and the lunations.

They don’t point out huge and deep transformative times, like having either one of the outer planets transiting something important in your chart, but they do act as triggers.

And because of that, I find that they also point out, very interestingly, potential mood swings and stuff like that.

It might not sound very deep at first, tracking down potential moodiness for instance, but it can actually save you a lot of trouble by increasing the awareness of how you might be feeling in a certain day.

In psychological terms, Carl Jung says that sudden moodiness has something to do with being possessed, or suddenly assaulted, by an unconscious part of our psyche.

So I think that it’s just natural that if we can manage to keep track of this daily flow of moods, the thread can potentially take us to where the deeper transformations are occurring.

The enhanced awareness can also save us a lot of energy that we might be putting into pointless arguments or into feeding the inner critic inside our heads.

And again, I insist on the importance of keeping it as individual as possible.

For instance I was a little concerned about this full moon because Mercury would be triggering the current major transit that Pluto is making to my natal Moon.

And I also read many countless material on the intensity of this Full Moon in Aries conjunct Eris and Uranus, but to be honest with you, I had a pretty sound couple of days during this Full Moon.

I could only observe the usual difficulty in getting sleep that I always feel under the influence of a Full Moon.

No disruptions, no major insights or fights for my individuality etc etc etc..

Mind you, I did feel a very intense energy in the air around the area where I’m gonna be working (which is a sort of trendy night life area that has a big mix of people, including lots of homeless and junkies), and I really did not want to be out on that night.

Too much energy in the air combined with too many unaware people doesn’t feel or sound very good to me.

But nothing major going on within myself.

Darkening hours

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner life

I had just about the worst night I’ve had in ages.

I woke up around 3:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep.

Not only that, but had to be the container for a whole range of dark feelings for hours. It was like a well pouring out many variations of anxiety and worries.

I can’t even pinpoint what it is exactly, I don’t really know what caused it. But I think that I can recognise too well the plutonian flavour to what just happened.

Another layer of unconscious fears are being purged.

Then, under the grips of my restlessness I casted the chart for the coming full moon in Aries on the 16th of October (only a few days ahead..) and couldn’t help but notice my breath getting shortened as I looked at the symbols.

Casted for Bristol,  where I am currently living, the Ascendant is 29 degrees Virgo. It’s ruler, Mercury, is at 15 degrees Libra making an exact square to Pluto in Capricorn (with Mars in Capricorn not too far away..) and both activating my natal Moon at 15 degrees Libra.

Was that enough reflection of what’s brewing inside me?!

I saw the myriad of red lines between the planets running in my bloodstream and the tension, symbolically represented in the drawing, was strongly felt in the darkest hour today.

I don’t see the planets causing anything to me, but rather reflecting what goes on inside me.

Around 6am I was sitting down straight in my bed and trying my best to meditate. Trying to just watch those feelings with awareness. Trying hard not to get my head involved in story telling.

The alchemical work has to be done, there is no other choice.

Little thoughts on Gauquelin zones..

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meInner life

Today I finally felt the urge to get out into the world again.

I went for my first bike ride to where my new job is going to be.

The place still a mess, painting to be done, etc. We had a nice chat (me and the owner) and I offered myself to give him a hand with all of that without being paid for it (he doesn’t have much money at the moment and is doing the whole thing by himself).

He is a really nice guy and I really feel that I could do with a new sense of mission, at least for now.

I’m thinking that perhaps the theory about the Gauquelin zones make sense to me. I have natal Saturn right there and I do feel that the planet features strongly in my psyche.

I find that I am pretty good at research and, in a funny way, I really enjoy the challenge of starting from zero and slowly building up.

I enjoy hard work.

I guess this is part of a signature in my chart as I also have natal Sun in the 10th house together with Mercury.

Something about the process of slowly, and steadily, earning respect and achieving mastery fascinates me.

I definitely want to pay more attention to planets in Gauquelin zone in my client’s charts.

One of the kids that I used to mind in London couple of years ago had a stellium in the 6th, near the DSC, and he definitely had talent with sports.

 

Food for thought

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

I have the whole house for myself since Saturday night until Wednesday evening.

I had forgotten how it feels.. even the occasional loneliness feels lovely.

My energy is becoming more concentrated in the bedroom and I’m slowly allowing myself to settle in this place.

There is a cemetery around the corner of my house where I went for couple of walks. The energy there is peaceful and soothing.

I had yet another strange experience whilst giving an astrological reading. This time though it wasn’t as awkward, it was just confusing. The client didn’t seem to care much about anything.

It wasn’t difficult for me to do the reading. She was lovely and I’m sure that we could be good friends and have a laugh together.

But once more it wasn’t the kind of reading that I intend to be doing or the kind of astrology that I believe in.

There was no big insight conducive for transformation.

The lady seemed to be the epitome of Neptune. (Of the confusing side at least..)

She just didn’t know anything and didn’t truly care about what direction things were taking. She couldn’t remember what happened at certain times of her life, and with a lot of confusion in the air, even I started feeling clouded during that reading.

These last couple of readings have made me question a few things about my work as an astrologer.

Perhaps I should trust more and flow with it.

Today I was rereading Carl Jung “Man and his Symbols” and at some point, speaking of dream interpretation and the relationship between the analyst and the analysand, he says:

“The individual is the only reality. The further we move away from the individual toward abstract ideas about Homo Sapiens, the more likely we are to fall into error.”

Maybe that’s it, the more we try to fit or shove the symbols down the client’s throat the more likely we are to fall into error..

Transforming forms..

by with 7 Comments Astrology and meInner life

If my writing is becoming somewhat repetitive I apologise.

But this Pluto transit is taking most of my attention and energy at the moment. I can’t really talk or think about anything else other than one of the many Pluto-Moon layers that one can feel being triggered right now..

Yes, finally I’ve got a home. (at least for now anyways)

In the past few days I’ve been indulging in spending time in my new bedroom, specially in bed. I’ve got the mattress from someone else and I’ve been working on putting my energy in it.

I’ve been working on concentrating my energy in this space.

Jolly good.

But yesterday we finally spoke, me and the guy I was seeing since July. He finished the retreat and told me he has signed up for long term service there.

He seems happier  and lighter than before and I’m glad about that.

But here comes the next Pluto square Moon event: he also told me that he somehow has lost interest in our relationship. He isn’t as attracted to me as he was before. Just like that.

Since the beginning of this relationship he was always saying how crazy about me he was. He was always all over me, doing things for me, giving me compliments, buying me things… saying that he was concerned that he liked me a lot more than I liked him.

I just wanted to go slow.

Knowing about the Pluto transit to my Moon I knew I couldn’t just allow him to take care of me like he wanted to. I had to keep some space. I had to do it on my own, moving cities and also getting acquainted with my new place. I didn’t want to rely on him too much.

I just knew I wasn’t supposed to.

Not when Pluto, transiting my second house of self reliability, was making the final (and longest) square to my natal Moon in Libra, changing patterns of co-dependency in relationships.

But yesterday was a bit shocking to hear, and to feel his coolness towards me. I was already contemplating the idea of being on my own so I could focus on myself, but witnessing how someone can flip and change in only a few days feels slightly scary to me.

I am not terrified like I was when my previous lover broke up with me when I was just about to move out from my house on my own (back on the first square from Pluto to my Moon in March 2015).

I am not scared in a survival kind of way. No.

I just feel a little scared with the possibility that love might never stay..

Toiletroom

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for homeTrip

How amazing.

I’m laying down on the floor of a tiny little room beside the toilet at my friend’s house. The boiler is in this place and keeps making quite a bit of noise every now and then.

There is a broken chair and some of my stuff spread around.

A bag filled with books, a backpack and a big box containing a random selection of my belongings that I’ve picked up yesterday at my brother’s house.

The last time I saw these box was when I moved out back in March 2015. It feels like having a little treasure really. I had forgotten a lot of those things and it was a joy yesterday to have them in my hands again.

Never mind that though, I’m not so much into the material side of things. Things are just things. They’re replaceable.

What I want to state here is my feeling of appreciation for this piece of floor in this tiny room (while Pluto goes direct!). The old me would not be able to even conceive myself being relax and feeling secure in a situation like this one right now.

And right now I just feel so grateful for being able to sleep alone again…

Lately I’ve been craving my own company so much that I would rejoice in the toilet for having the feeling of aloneness between 4 walls..

(And speaking about that, someone just used the toilet as I was writing this post and the smell is pretty bad here now..)

Updates of plutonian times..

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for homeTrip

I’m hanging out at my friend’s kitchen now.

As usual he has woken me up at 7:30 am with his idiosyncratic routine. He is renting both of the bedrooms in the flat so we share the living room when I’m around.

I’m back in London again. I’m still traveling quite a bit even though I’m just getting more and more tired of it.

Last week I was at the forest of Dean which was lovely.

The man I’ve been seeing came to visit me and again we had an intense fight on the third day that we spent together. That’s also the third time this happens.

The Venus square Neptune part of my psyche really can’t seem to be able to discriminate and see this relationship clearly.

On one hand he challenges me a lot, which is great. I’ve never been with a guy who would confront me like he does. On another hand our encounters are becoming very stressful when we fight (even though we also share intense positive moments) and I can’t help but think that perhaps I would be better off on my own.

Since Pluto started transiting my natal Moon I’ve gone through so much strife and crisis. So much destruction has happened and now I just feel like rebuilding myself. Moving into my new home, focusing on saving up some money to buy myself a laptop again (pretty hard to keep writing on this small tablet.), sticking up to a good daily routine.. loving myself…

I’m also sure that he is a manifestation of this transit as I’ve met him when Pluto was retrograde making the third exact square to my moon in July.

Old manipulative tecniques, emotional blackmail, victimisation.. old unconscious patterns of relating in general don’t feature in my interaction with this man.

It doesn’t work. (Not that I consciously want them to work)

He always challenges and questions my communication a lot. He has Venus in Scorpio in the third house and is a lot more direct and talkative than most Scorpio in Venus men that I’ve been with in the past.

He is currently at a 10 day meditation retreat and we agreed not to talk to each other for those days.

Today I’m officially counting down the days to move in to my new bedroom in Bristol. 7 days to go. (And Pluto will be direct when that happens..)

Saturn is also making a trine to my MC and I’ve had a few unexpected requests for astrology work. That’s truly great because I’m not putting much of my energy into my passion at the moment (domestic issues are feeling more urgent with this Pluto/Moon stuff)  so I can only imagine how it will be when I do focus on my work.

Internally I already feel different though. More confidence is available as I’m stepping more and more into my inner authority without feeling scared.

Empowerment.

Also yesterday I did my first head stand.

I’ve been patiently and slowly working towards that since January. I wanted to do it with control and equilibrium rather than by throwing my legs against the wall.

Respect the timing..

(This also works as a symbolic reflection of all the work that I’ve been doing on myself with those multiple transits in the last few years..)

Eclipses/plutonian whine..

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

It seems like ages since the last time I wrote.

I’ve tried moving to Bristol already but somehow it didn’t work.

A lot has happened since August 17th (which I’m not going to explain here right now) including being one of the chosen girls to move in that lovely house on Gratitude road. I’m very happy about that but I am only moving in on 1st of October

So obviously I still have to deal with a lot of intense emotions while Pluto squares my natal Moon in retrograde motion now. (It really seems like every time that an outer planet is in retrograde motion hitting one of my natal planets the urge to act is there but I can’t quite do it)

I feel a lot of pressure building up and I really cannot stand being homeless anymore.

There is a lot of intense emotions mixed up with profound insights but without a place to be the container for me to concentrate and work with them is very hard.

I have people around me most of the time and as much as I love helping/listening/healing them all, I am fucking sick of everyone at the moment.

I feel drained.

Everyone has got issues, patterns, bad habits and stuff that I really don’t want to be dealing with 24/7. I’m tired of being the psychologist in exchange for a couch or a floor to sleep on. I’m tired of socialising, tired of giving myself off constantly. I am sick of being the container for other people’s projections..

I just wanna be alone to cultivate and increase my energy.

I want to have space to practice my yoga everyday at the same time, a space to conserve my focus and discipline without having to compromise.

I long for a place where I can profoundly connect with my inner life again. Feel my inner seasons, watch the trees through the window with a silent sense of understanding and stillness, just like I used to do when I had a home.

I want to be able to focus on myself entirely without being judged or interrupted by others. I need a break from this too “masculine” world of productivity.

I need air to just be.

 

Confessions of a transformed Libra Moon..

by with 13 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

This is my second official morning in Bristol.

I’ve managed to start moving here even though I still haven’t found a home yet.

Got on a train on Wednesday with my backpack, a suitcase and my bicycle and it was very nice to see a few people really keen on offering me a hand. The world is full of good people.

Then on the same day I went to check a potential home and really enjoyed it. It just felt right. Even the name of the street: Gratitude Road. Love it.

They have a nice garden in the back where they used to grow some veggies but now is mostly overgrown nasturtium. She seemed happy when I told her that I have a bit of experience with gardening. She is Taurus and also on a spiritual path.

So then my uncertainty about the room that I had checked previously just grew.

Strange situation.

When I came here straight after Buddhafields I had the opportunity to go and see a house. I knocked on the door and when the woman opened it and invited me in, the first thought that crossed my mind was a clear and loud no.

I don’t know why I didn’t listen to it from the beginning.

Suddenly I was caught in the middle of the whole (bizarre) agency bureaucratic process when I still wasn’t even sure if I wanted to move in. I wasn’t completely sure that that was my home to be.

Anxiety over the referencing process. Somehow, in a strange way, they make you feel like a criminal. Checking this, checking that.

The whole thing was just making me feel very uncomfortable and a little scared of coming back to a “normal” life in society. I sent couple of emails that didn’t get any response, from the agency as well as one of the potential house mates.

No clear communication. No real connection or appreciation. Only a business like thing going on.

Big lesson to me about not allowing myself to get wrapped up in situations anymore. (perhaps my neptunian side combined with the Libra moon?)

Then yesterday I had to finally speak up my truth.

An email was sent to the agency (still without a response) and another one to the potential house mate.

It was really hard to let these people down, but I couldn’t sign a contract and move in somewhere only because I didn’t want to disappoint others. She straight away replied to me fairly aggressive, saying that I would have to deal with the “very bad karma that you have just generated” and also saying that I don’t have integrity.

My intuition was confirmed and I felt relieved that I didn’t sign the contract.

Everyone that knows me a little bit knows how much integrity is important to me.

I still replied a very nice email apologising again and explaining that it was out of integrity with them and integrity with myself that I wasn’t going to move in because it didn’t fell right.

I can see how my Moon in Libra’s unconscious reactions, (to be a people pleaser for instance), is being challenged now. I can see how much I really need to be liked and how that need has driven me to almost move in with people that I didn’t truly feel connected.

(After all the trouble that I went through in order to find and to relate with like minded people!)

I’m very proud of myself though. Proud of being able to say no. And I am Happy to see myself becoming more and more authentic.

So I will end this post with a positive message.

After lots and lots of suffering and dealing with toxic emotional junk that was lingering on my psyche, during the last hit of transiting Pluto to my moon I can already see how much I’ve changed for better. I feel lighter and much more able to be truthful to my essence.

I am not here to make everyone like me as there is no point in being appreciated by compromising your truth.

I still make an effort to be nice to people because that’s a strong part of my nature, but without betraying my essence.

Is a pity if you don’t like me, but life goes on.

On astrological compatibility..

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner life

Finally I’m sitting down to write a little.

Life on the road is becoming a series of catching up; with laundry, with different people, with myself (Im still rarely spending time on my own company), with my diet, my yoga practice…

I am really looking forward to have a room for myself but I know that it won’t happen for another month or perhaps 2 months (I’m going to check another place that I would only be able to move in on 1st of October).

But that doesn’t bother me.

Life has its seasons and I’ve been learning how to respect and flow with it rather than fight it.

Anyways, enough of catching up with myself here.

What I really was thinking about is writing a few posts on common questions that people ask you when they find out that you’re an astrologer.

Astrology still so much misunderstood.

So, one of the questions people always ask me (together with the usual is that good or bad?!) is:  “which star sign would be my perfect match?”

I think this is such a funny question. And naive at the same time.

When I think about compatibility I think about commonality.

Traditionally if your sun is in Aquarius you wouldn’t be a match made in heaven with someone that has a cancerian sun, but what if your Moon is in Cancer?! And even better, the other person’s Moon is also in Aquarius?

Synastry has always been one of my favorite topics in astrology and because of that I’ve been experimenting with it a lot in my life. I was always paying attention to how I feel around a certain person and then checking the symbolic reflection of it.

Then, as I was becoming more acquainted with the astrological language, I started comparing how the same interaspect would feel with two different people. I once dated a guy for couple of months that had a very tight conjunction from his Saturn to my natal Sun, an interaspect that I also had with my father.

So fascinating to see those energies playing out in “real life”!

I went to Bristol for another week and spent more time with the man I’ve met at the festival. Things are unfolding pretty well between us and I can’t ignore the strong amount of commonalities between our charts.

I have a strong angular square involving Virgo and Sagittarius and in a different way (involving slightly different houses and planets) so does he.

We share something; a similar conflict is playing out in our psyches.

The need to be free to explore and be spontaneous (Sagittarius) versus the analytical and grounded tendencies that need to be put into service (Virgo). The switch back and forth from the bigger picture to the smallest details in a situation.

And because we are both made of these energies we sort of understand each other’s two sides.

I think that this is what I mean by commonalities.

When people share similar energies, like for example someone with a strong Capricornian nature can relate well with someone that has a stellium in the 10th house, there is a natural understanding.

Not to forget that our level of awareness has a major impact on how much you get on with someone else or not.

And this part still pretty much a mystery, in my opinion, impossible to be measured with astrology.