Eclipses/plutonian whine..

It seems like ages since the last time I wrote.

I’ve tried moving to Bristol already but somehow it didn’t work.

A lot has happened since August 17th (which I’m not going to explain here right now) including being one of the chosen girls to move in that lovely house on Gratitude road. I’m very happy about that but I am only moving in on 1st of October

So obviously I still have to deal with a lot of intense emotions while Pluto squares my natal Moon in retrograde motion now. (It really seems like every time that an outer planet is in retrograde motion hitting one of my natal planets the urge to act is there but I can’t quite do it)

I feel a lot of pressure building up and I really cannot stand being homeless anymore.

There is a lot of intense emotions mixed up with profound insights but without a place to be the container for me to concentrate and work with them is very hard.

I have people around me most of the time and as much as I love helping/listening/healing them all, I am fucking sick of everyone at the moment.

I feel drained.

Everyone has got issues, patterns, bad habits and stuff that I really don’t want to be dealing with 24/7. I’m tired of being the psychologist in exchange for a couch or a floor to sleep on. I’m tired of socialising, tired of giving myself off constantly. I am sick of being the container for other people’s projections..

I just wanna be alone to cultivate and increase my energy.

I want to have space to practice my yoga everyday at the same time, a space to conserve my focus and discipline without having to compromise.

I long for a place where I can profoundly connect with my inner life again. Feel my inner seasons, watch the trees through the window with a silent sense of understanding and stillness, just like I used to do when I had a home.

I want to be able to focus on myself entirely without being judged or interrupted by others. I need a break from this too “masculine” world of productivity.

I need air to just be.


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