A few words on Jupiter in Scorpio

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meInner life

So much has happened since the last time I posted something here.

I am trying to keep the discipline and write more, but somehow it isn’t working. I feel like I have gone to an extreme of disciplining my daily routine and now Im going a bit to the other end of wanting to be free and not restrict myself so much.

Since Jupiter has moved into Scorpio I feel like a shift has happened and it looks like I am taking the study of the Occult a bit more serious.

It was interesting to see Liz Greene (Gosh, I still need to write at least one blog post about her workshop that I went to!) speaking about the split that Carl Jung had between the scientist and the mystic in his psyche.

Well, I feel that I too have a similar split. On one hand the academic historian that wants to be respected and do some serious intellectual work, and on another hand, the thirst to explore the mysteries of the occult and develop the imagination.

But now with Jupiter recently entering Scorpio I do feel a stronger impulse to explore those hidden areas, perhaps even to develop my magical powers?!

I am note sure, but I am enjoying this energy at the moment, and I am looking forward to explore and see what this transit will be reflecting.. and I feel that another few steps towards empowerment could be one of the best potentials here..

I do enjoy the Scorpio season.

 

Colourful Symbolism..

by with 2 Comments Astrological InsightsAstrology and me

I have been really busy lately, a lot of inner changes taking place and a few short trips.

But I felt the urge to try coming back to writing again.

I have recently gone to a training course in theatre and the experience was quite powerful (I have a strong positive feeling about mixing astrology with theatre!).

Ate the end of the course we performed Macbeth, a play that strongly reflects transiting Pluto’s last almost exact square to my Moon, happening now.

The hero’s journey into the underworld.

A descent into the darkness.

I came back home feeling that there is much to integrate from the whole experience, and obviously, also much to be integrated from my personal descent into the underworld in the last few years. (whilst Pluto transited my Moon)

And yesterday while I was dancing in my room I had this vision about practicing astrology like I would paint a picture.

In my experience, when I tried painting a picture with too much rigidity I never felt quite happy about the result. It was only when I understood that the colours should blend with fluidity that I started to truly appreciate my art work. I started to feel freer to experiment and something quite unique would come out.

I feel that with astrology is a little bit like that, if you get too stuck with the cookbook type of interpretation you end up too rigid in your interpretation of a person’s natal chart or process of growth. There is no movement or texture. No different nuances.

I had this vision while I was reassessing what happened to me in the last year.

Pluto transiting my Moon has never left the background, but different transits have added different tones and stories to it. Around the time that Jupiter transited my Venus I entered a very Jupiterian relationship, with a very Jupiterian character. (from Venus, transiting Jupiter then moved towards making a conjunction to my Moon)

A lot of the themes in the relationship was very much about Jupiter, but, Plutonian themes were also a strong part of the whole thing.

I can almost see this on a canvas!

We can’t really separate one from the other with clear cut. Think about painting with watercolours, about how the colours blend and mix in a unique way..

Now try seeing astrology in this way.

 

Multifaceted transiting Pluto..

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

I just came back from visiting my boyfriend in Wales.

He is staying at an Ashram on the top of a hill in the countryside.

With Neptune activating a strong configuration in his natal chart, which includes his Moon, he has decided to go on a journey in search for home and his purpose in this world.

He is also a number five in numerology. And so am I.

My knowledge in numerology isn’t very vast, but I know a little about number 5 being strongly connected with freedom and travels (which in turn, in my astrological mind, resonates with the archetypal energy of Sagittarius).

This visit has given me some food for thought.

As Pluto slowly makes its way back in the sky (in our perspective), heading to form the last almost exact square to my natal Moon, I realise that the huge transformation (which includes my search for home) hasn’t finished with me yet.

The strong call I felt in the beginning of this transit, back in early 2015, to go and live in a community of like minded people came back to me rather strongly while I was in Wales.

Living in nature and gardening almost daily, chanting and practicing yoga together, sharing the space with people that are somehow in a similar wave length felt closer to home than being in the city.

Eating fresh food from plants that you can potentially form a relationship with, by caring daily and communicating with them, gets you in touch with your centre much more than going to supermarkets.

We really are what we eat!

I know that one of the manifestations of Pluto transiting my Moon in the last few years has been a big and gradually change in my diet and relationship with food. (This is my second month experimenting with/eating Vegan food and the awful period pain that I used to get every month has improved a lot.)

I now have the feeling that I will be going back to the road in a few months.

But it is interesting to see that the earlier feelings of destruction and despair inside me has given place to something else, a stronger “Me”, so this is a different phase in the process of searching for home.. and I somehow look forward to it..

Inner chaos

by with 11 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

No, I didn’t get the job.

And from one moment to the next I am thrown back into the Pluto transiting second house, going back to square natal Moon, situation.

Anxious feelings about survival pervading me… an unpleasant sensation in my stomach and the absolute certainty that I do not want and will not go back to working in hospitality.

Even if that means giving up my life in Bristol and going back to Brasil.

There must be a way out from jobs that you don’t enjoy, jobs that crush your soul. I can’t go on like that anymore.

And at the same time..

The fear that I’m never gonna get out of this, no matter how much I want, how much I try, the fear of never accomplishing my purpose..

The fear of running out of cash like I did when I moved here in September last year.

On another hand I did do quite a few readings since I quit the cafe hell. Is just dealing with the insecurity of not working for someone else, which at the end of the day I don’t truly want anyways. So what is the trouble?! What’s wrong with me?!

Perhaps the last wave of infantile fears and inappropriate behaviour that is coming up to the surface for me to release them?

Pluto will be back at 16 degrees Capricorn by December, only one degree away from my natal Moon, and that does reflect that the transformation (connected with this symbolism in particular) still an ongoing process for me.

I did notice that I had a massive crisis at my cafe work, really wanting to leave, on the very same day that Pluto went retrograde.

It made me chuckle when I realised the synchronicity, and the thought of “no, it isn’t finished yet” came straight back into my mind.

There we go, here I am again, struggling to find a way of surviving in this society (Soulful survival). Getting extremely fed up with what prevents me from becoming myself.

What happens next? I don’t know, I just don’t know.

With no title

by with 15 Comments Astrology and meInner life

Once again I’ve left such a huge gap between now and my last post. So much has happened..

I’m gonna keep myself free to just write about what I feel truly matters at this moment in time..

On 29th of march I went for a 10 day Vipassana meditation course. 10 days in silence, without almost any distraction, and learning how to meditate for around 10 hours a day.

That was intense. Life changing.

I’ve been meditating 2 hours a day since I came out from the course and I feel that something in me has massively changed and  in a very fundamental level.

I am also still taking a selection of the Bach flower remedies (have I told I’ve done a level one course about the remedies?!).. big changes, massive healing…

At the moment (for a few weeks already) my progressed moon is transiting my natal Neptune and I consciously chose this period to learn how to meditate. Although I’ve practiced yoga consistently for a year, meditating has always been a real struggle.

I guess this is the reality for many of us living in an overly stimulating world. Our minds just go wild and we don’t seem to have any control over it.

Transiting Saturn is also crossing over (more precisely about to cross over) my natal Neptune. Good time for getting serious about spirituality, good time for developing discipline and consistency in my spiritual practice.

This is the way I’ve been using my knowledge in astrology. And it seems to work..

Finding creative ways of working with the symbolism, brainstorming what could be the best potential for those flavours..

Aiming higher..

(I still haven’t bought myself a laptop so will stop here, for writing in a small tablet is tiring..)

Ongoing kales. .

by with One Comment Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

One of the little quirk things that we do at the cafe I’m working is having Cavolo Nero in bottles on the tables (rather than flowers or more common types of plants for decoration).

We used to change them quite often when I realised that maybe putting a little water in the bottles could perhaps make the kale last for longer and save us the trouble and wastage.

It turns out that they are growing roots now!

My feelings towards my job are getting better again. We’ve got someone else working with us that I really appreciate. In synastry his Sun is conjunct my Moon and his Mars conjunct my Venus.

Contrary to what you might be imagining (the ones that know a bit about astrology) I don’t feel sexually attracted to him. But we do work well together and I truly enjoy his energy.

I also got a place to volunteer once a week at a wellbeing centre.

I feel like I’m starting to move forward with my outer life again.

This mercury retrograde in Capricorn has been an interesting time for me to draw a plan for doing more of the things that I’d rather be doing.

Then in only couple of months my progressed Moon will change to Capricorn and I already can feel a slight shifting in my energy.

More grounding and planing in my life is welcome. Earth is my element.

I also feel more serious.

But obviously, the ongoing transit from Pluto to my Moon has a strong part in these feelings of seriousness.

Dieing isn’t like a walk in the park.

Yesterday I was rereading couple of my old journals, from 2015/2016, and I saw how intense these last two years have been. How much ego death has brought difficult emotions for me to deal with.

A lot of stuff from my mother as well. I really feel like I’ve been dealing with my “family curse”.

The process was gradual. As soon as I opened the can of warms there was an increase of trapped dark emotions with more truth after feeling those difficult emotions, then more emotional junk followed by more raw insightfulness .. and so on and so forth..

I’ve been digging so deep that I can’t transcribe here all of my realisations, I would have to write for days and days.

Perhaps I just can’t do it because I’m still in it.

Just like those ongoing kales at work.. but with a bit of fresh water to help me growing new roots instead of just dieing over and over again…

Lunar mess

by with 5 Comments Astrology and me

Yesterday I went to a little Christmas gathering in one of my neighbours. I didn’t really know anyone there apart from my house mate.

It is amazing to see how much of my lunar function is still sort of out of tune.

People would come to talk to me and I would just see myself reacting in an overly Libran fashion, smiling all the time but also feeling the undercurrents of anxiety or darker feelings in almost everyone in the room (probably more linked to my Saturn and Pluto in the 12th house).

Really, I was amazed to see how this part of my psyche (the one connected with the symbolism of the Moon) is still not functioning in a more authentic fashion yet, (although I can now see that happening whereas before it used to be just a reaction, so there is some growth there.)

Mercury will be going retrograde at 15 degrees, the same degree of my Moon in Libra, so probably more insights for me on the Pluto transit and it’s effects on my Moon.

I think that’s probably part of what happens, when going under an important major transit, whichever planet/drive in your psyche is being touched is going to be completely out of tune for a while.

I guess this is just a natural part of the process of transformation. It has to be messed up in order to be reorganised in a different fashion.

Transiting Nodes

by with 5 Comments Random

Have you ever noticed what happened when transiting North node hit something on your chart?!

Transiting node now is just about to make a conjunction to my natal Sun, and regarding the frustrations I wrote about yesterday, I have a good feeling about it.

The lunar nodes are considered to have a connection with karmic lessons and spiritual growth, and I have been observing it’s reflection when it touched something important in my chart.

In my experience there is usually someone else involved.

When transiting North Node made a conjunction with my Ascendant, Moon and Venus (in different occasions) I met someone that somehow taught me a relevant lesson regarding the principle in question.

When the nodes transited my ASC-DSC axis I met the guy who I shortly after would have my Saturn return intense experience with. Encountering this person has taught me lessons in so many levels that it is still hard to pinpoint.

I also see the karmic intensity of it by the fact that transiting South Node was right on my DSC. (If there is such a thing as past lifes, I certainly have met him before)

The two other occasions were a little lighter.

With North node transiting my natal Moon I got reunited with my past lover, the one that had a very relevant role in me acting upon my decision to leave my life in London behind (culminated with the first square from Pluto to my Moon in early 2015).

Then when transiting North Node was conjuncting my natal Venus I met a very interesting (not in a romantic way) polish man in Thailand, that gave me many insights into my love life (not only) and who gave me a peculiar and intense healing session.

That was quite powerful and somehow prepared the ground for the  intense healing experience I’ve had during my yoga course.

Now transiting North Node is just about to hit my natal Sun, in a moment when I’ve been feeling deflated and longing for more opportunities to express my solar principle.

(I’ve been reading “The Luminaries” by Liz Greene and Howard Sasportas and getting a lot of inspiration from it, couldn’t recommend more! Do read it if you want to get a deeper understanding of the solar and lunar function in the and astrological chart.)

Will keep my eyes wide open now..

Little chaos

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner life

Things are getting pretty intense here.

Pluto has moved just one degree away from the square to my natal Moon and I just noticed the typical energetic buzz of black moon Lilith… its just 2 degrees away from crossing over my Ascendant in Scorpio.

I feel like there is a volcano just about to erup inside me now.

(And I say it by experience, from someone who has Venus in opposition to black moon Lilith in the natal chart…)

Feelings of frustration at work are growing exponentially and the sense, or perhaps fear, that I will never express my solar self is haunting me. The self that I am meant to become but that does not seem to exist at the moment..

Then I’ve broke up my relationship one more time just now. The individual is an original Uranus conjunct the IC and I’m a Mars-Uranus conjunct in the first house, I guess at the moment, at its worst.

I’m having a little drink now, haven’t done this in ages, and I’m feeling that that relationship was somehow holding me back actually?! For some reason bearing frustration is a little harder when I’m in a relationship.

I’m not sure.

But funny enough there still seems to be an island of stillness within me..

Words for catching up

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

Pluto is making its lat exact square to my natal moon for the whole month of November and I feel like I’ve been very busy.

There is a lot that I would like to do, but at the moment most of my energy is concentrated in rebuilding the material structures of my life.

I’m also putting some of my energy into socialising and sharing myself with others, especially with my boyfriend.

Yes, a lot has happened and I haven’t really broken up the relationship with the sagittarian guy I’ve met at the festival during the summer. After much turmoil (especially during the intense month of September and early October), and presenting many challenges to each other, our bond seems to be becoming more solid.

This is proving to be a deeper relationship.

I can’t be bother to pretend being something that I’m not and even when I sometimes unconsciously try reliving some of the old patterns of behaviour he stops me right away by openly challenging me.

He doesn’t let me fall asleep.

Two days ago I bought couple of floral remedies and I am really interested in taking some kind of course or going for a workshop to learn more about it.

They truly fascinate me and I can easily imagine them becoming my next obsession..

I started taking centaury (one of Bach remedies).

The medium I’ve met at a healing centre in Holland during my travels last year who told me I should have that one.

In five minutes she was able to summarise what was one of the main reasons for many of my issues. That was impressive and her words echoes in my mind still.

It felt like an important part of the puzzle was given to me on that day. My search had become a little clearer.

About 10 days ago I watched a webinar about Pluto with Liz Greene.

She is truly brilliant.

One of the tips she gave us was to track down the transits from Pluto to your natal chart, even the ones that happened before you were born, and see what was happening in the family. In this way, she said, we could perhaps achieve a better understanding of what Pluto means to us, of how we experience this archetype in a more personal way. (She says that Pluto is connected with a collective instinct in order to survive.)

With Pluto, she said that, “Events carry a feeling of fatedness, necessity, the unfolding of a previously invisible pattern, unforeseen consequences of earlier choices made not only by oneself, but by one’s family or the collective.”

And further down she said that ” all Pluto transits carry with them an impersonal or collective impetus toward survival through transformation that is archetypal and lies beyond one’s own personal issues.”

Depending on which planet is being touched by transiting Pluto we can have clues on what kind of contribution we are bringing to the collective “impetus to survive”.

The process is so deep and multi layered that I can’t express very well all that has, and still is, happening in my psyche.

But hopefully I will be writing a bit more from now on..