Things are getting pretty intense here.
Pluto has moved just one degree away from the square to my natal Moon and I just noticed the typical energetic buzz of black moon Lilith… its just 2 degrees away from crossing over my Ascendant in Scorpio.
I feel like there is a volcano just about to erup inside me now.
(And I say it by experience, from someone who has Venus in opposition to black moon Lilith in the natal chart…)
Feelings of frustration at work are growing exponentially and the sense, or perhaps fear, that I will never express my solar self is haunting me. The self that I am meant to become but that does not seem to exist at the moment..
Then I’ve broke up my relationship one more time just now. The individual is an original Uranus conjunct the IC and I’m a Mars-Uranus conjunct in the first house, I guess at the moment, at its worst.
I’m having a little drink now, haven’t done this in ages, and I’m feeling that that relationship was somehow holding me back actually?! For some reason bearing frustration is a little harder when I’m in a relationship.
I’m not sure.
But funny enough there still seems to be an island of stillness within me..
Yes, frustration bearing can be harder in a relationship. Why? Because, you are giving up a part of yourself or your independence to work with the other person. You let your guard down, hoping your partner will pick up the slack or fill in some gaps.
I am not sure if the same can be said for those die-hard independent types who supposedly feel no need to be completed yet laugh and play and romance like some model duo for a hotel/resort ad. But, I would imagine most who are later blown away or, at least, emotionally impacted by a breakup/divorce relinquish some of their usual “strength” in a relationship. They give one backpack strap to their mate, figuring he/she will carry part of the load. So, when that fails to happen, the load falls off our shoulder, and we get that annoying feeling of having to hitch up the load, again, solely on our own backs.
Hope you find strength to hang in there and see how things unfold! My difficult Saturn transit to natal SN brought into my life someone whose natal Saturn conj my natal NN (this guy hired me a couple months back into my new job) – the situation has been tough (an understatement) so far – but very recently things appear to look up and new exciting growth potentials are crossing my path as I meet new people (and new opportunities) in my new job. So, who knows what good things lie ahead of you moments away 🙂
Thank you for your supportive words, it means a lot! ♡♡♡