Plutonic Capricorn crisis..

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

I’m sitting down having breakfast on my own.

I just realised that the clock has changed in England and instead of 6:50 is actually 5:51 in the morning.

Having some issues at work and, with that, also having shadowy parts of my psyche popping up regularly.

Being an authority isn’t easy and yesterday, when I went to bed at 8pm feeling down, I was thinking about the reasons why I’ve never wanted to do that (be an authority figure in almost 7 years of experience in this industry).

I am a very good worker and pretty good at taking orders from superiors too (even though I have to respect the person in charge first). And I used to enjoy just being that, the excellent part time worker that comes 3 times a week.

In that way, without committing too much, I’ve managed to keep myself free from the inner critic and almost obsessive perfectionism, at least in these kind of odd jobs (the ones that aren’t really my true passion).

But is really hard to do that now.

I just cannot keep myself detached and make a commitment at the same time.

If I decide to do something, I’m doing it wholeheartedly. I put all of me in it. I am a Scorpio rising after all..

Yesterday when I was in bed really early, resting my exhausted legs and feet, it took me at least 3 good hours and a half to stop thinking about work. I was worried about the inconsistent way that we’ve been serving our coffee (we don’t have a barista), then I was worried that I’m getting my period soon and don’t want to be at work because of the pain (I refuse to take pain killers since my Saturn return and my journey of healing and reconnecting with my womb) but we are a tiny team for financial reasons and at the moment is hard to get someone to cover you..

Then I was worrying that I don’t want to commit myself that much, reasoning that I haven’t opened a cafe myself and that my real passion is astrology.

I want to focus my energy in reading and writing, these are one of my best skills and that’s what I most love doing.

And finally I had to calm myself down and remember that I just need to give him a hand for a little (I’m giving 3 months minimum) and save up some cash working full time, and then I will be free again.

I also can’t forget that Pluto is making the final exact square to my Moon for the whole month of November still.

Home life is pretty good, I’m enjoying it enormously. But what seems to be brought up now is the financial and lifelong (so it seems) crisis in my value system.

I’ve had moments in tears last night thinking about the business mentality of efficiency above human well being and how my ego is easily falling into that trap, for I am the manager now, even though I really don’t believe and don’t want to be a part of that system anymore.

And so I just kept quietly repeating to myself “only 3 months, only 3 months, only 3 months”.. until unconsciousness came to rescue me.

The cafe’s chart

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meProfessional Astrologer

We opened the cafe today!

I took a look at the exact time that we opened the doors as I really wanted to cast it’s astrological chart.

I’m not a hundred per cent sure on how to read it as I am more in tune with the psychological approach to interpreting astrological symbols, but I find it interesting nevertheless.

The rising sign is at 6 degrees Scorpio with both rulers together (Mars and Pluto at 15 Capricorn) in the 3rd house. I thought that perhaps this is the kind of signature of a survivor.

The third house makes me think that we should probably get actively involved with the local community and neighbourhood. Perhaps even promote or facilitate some kind of exchange of information between people?! The Moon is also in Gemini, which somehow speaks of connecting and being flexible?!

The MC is at 18 degrees Leo and the Sun, it’s ruler, in Libra in the 12th house. That sounds a little reclusive for a cafe?! I’m not sure. The Sun is also conjunct Mercury and both are opposing Uranus in the 6th house. Something about being quirk in some way?!

Moon in Gemini is applying to a trine with the Sun in Libra and I like the feel of it.

I specially like that Jupiter and Venus are in mutual reception (Jupiter in Libra, Venus in Sagittarius), Jupiter being the ruler of the 2nd house and Venus the natural ruler of that area. Also Venus is in the second house of the Cafe’s chart and it will eventually make a sextile to Jupiter in the 11th (again the idea of community?! Somehow engaging with groups of people more consciously? An ideal?).

Saturn is in the second house, but it is applying to a sextile with Jupiter also. Perhaps there will be a solid finacial build up?!

I’m feeling quite tired now, not used to doing this kind of work anymore.

It was a 12 hour shift today.

The cool side is that I’ve never worked as a manager before. The challenge of learning new things and taking more responsibility does excite me a bit.

At least for now.

And that’s how I spent the day with transiting Mars activating the Pluto transit to my Moon, working hard!

Moodtracking function

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

The more I work on the 3 months personal forecast that I’ve been offering for clients, the more I observe the importance of the quick moving planets and the lunations.

They don’t point out huge and deep transformative times, like having either one of the outer planets transiting something important in your chart, but they do act as triggers.

And because of that, I find that they also point out, very interestingly, potential mood swings and stuff like that.

It might not sound very deep at first, tracking down potential moodiness for instance, but it can actually save you a lot of trouble by increasing the awareness of how you might be feeling in a certain day.

In psychological terms, Carl Jung says that sudden moodiness has something to do with being possessed, or suddenly assaulted, by an unconscious part of our psyche.

So I think that it’s just natural that if we can manage to keep track of this daily flow of moods, the thread can potentially take us to where the deeper transformations are occurring.

The enhanced awareness can also save us a lot of energy that we might be putting into pointless arguments or into feeding the inner critic inside our heads.

And again, I insist on the importance of keeping it as individual as possible.

For instance I was a little concerned about this full moon because Mercury would be triggering the current major transit that Pluto is making to my natal Moon.

And I also read many countless material on the intensity of this Full Moon in Aries conjunct Eris and Uranus, but to be honest with you, I had a pretty sound couple of days during this Full Moon.

I could only observe the usual difficulty in getting sleep that I always feel under the influence of a Full Moon.

No disruptions, no major insights or fights for my individuality etc etc etc..

Mind you, I did feel a very intense energy in the air around the area where I’m gonna be working (which is a sort of trendy night life area that has a big mix of people, including lots of homeless and junkies), and I really did not want to be out on that night.

Too much energy in the air combined with too many unaware people doesn’t feel or sound very good to me.

But nothing major going on within myself.

Darkening hours

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner life

I had just about the worst night I’ve had in ages.

I woke up around 3:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep.

Not only that, but had to be the container for a whole range of dark feelings for hours. It was like a well pouring out many variations of anxiety and worries.

I can’t even pinpoint what it is exactly, I don’t really know what caused it. But I think that I can recognise too well the plutonian flavour to what just happened.

Another layer of unconscious fears are being purged.

Then, under the grips of my restlessness I casted the chart for the coming full moon in Aries on the 16th of October (only a few days ahead..) and couldn’t help but notice my breath getting shortened as I looked at the symbols.

Casted for Bristol,  where I am currently living, the Ascendant is 29 degrees Virgo. It’s ruler, Mercury, is at 15 degrees Libra making an exact square to Pluto in Capricorn (with Mars in Capricorn not too far away..) and both activating my natal Moon at 15 degrees Libra.

Was that enough reflection of what’s brewing inside me?!

I saw the myriad of red lines between the planets running in my bloodstream and the tension, symbolically represented in the drawing, was strongly felt in the darkest hour today.

I don’t see the planets causing anything to me, but rather reflecting what goes on inside me.

Around 6am I was sitting down straight in my bed and trying my best to meditate. Trying to just watch those feelings with awareness. Trying hard not to get my head involved in story telling.

The alchemical work has to be done, there is no other choice.

Little thoughts on Gauquelin zones..

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meInner life

Today I finally felt the urge to get out into the world again.

I went for my first bike ride to where my new job is going to be.

The place still a mess, painting to be done, etc. We had a nice chat (me and the owner) and I offered myself to give him a hand with all of that without being paid for it (he doesn’t have much money at the moment and is doing the whole thing by himself).

He is a really nice guy and I really feel that I could do with a new sense of mission, at least for now.

I’m thinking that perhaps the theory about the Gauquelin zones make sense to me. I have natal Saturn right there and I do feel that the planet features strongly in my psyche.

I find that I am pretty good at research and, in a funny way, I really enjoy the challenge of starting from zero and slowly building up.

I enjoy hard work.

I guess this is part of a signature in my chart as I also have natal Sun in the 10th house together with Mercury.

Something about the process of slowly, and steadily, earning respect and achieving mastery fascinates me.

I definitely want to pay more attention to planets in Gauquelin zone in my client’s charts.

One of the kids that I used to mind in London couple of years ago had a stellium in the 6th, near the DSC, and he definitely had talent with sports.

 

Food for thought

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

I have the whole house for myself since Saturday night until Wednesday evening.

I had forgotten how it feels.. even the occasional loneliness feels lovely.

My energy is becoming more concentrated in the bedroom and I’m slowly allowing myself to settle in this place.

There is a cemetery around the corner of my house where I went for couple of walks. The energy there is peaceful and soothing.

I had yet another strange experience whilst giving an astrological reading. This time though it wasn’t as awkward, it was just confusing. The client didn’t seem to care much about anything.

It wasn’t difficult for me to do the reading. She was lovely and I’m sure that we could be good friends and have a laugh together.

But once more it wasn’t the kind of reading that I intend to be doing or the kind of astrology that I believe in.

There was no big insight conducive for transformation.

The lady seemed to be the epitome of Neptune. (Of the confusing side at least..)

She just didn’t know anything and didn’t truly care about what direction things were taking. She couldn’t remember what happened at certain times of her life, and with a lot of confusion in the air, even I started feeling clouded during that reading.

These last couple of readings have made me question a few things about my work as an astrologer.

Perhaps I should trust more and flow with it.

Today I was rereading Carl Jung “Man and his Symbols” and at some point, speaking of dream interpretation and the relationship between the analyst and the analysand, he says:

“The individual is the only reality. The further we move away from the individual toward abstract ideas about Homo Sapiens, the more likely we are to fall into error.”

Maybe that’s it, the more we try to fit or shove the symbols down the client’s throat the more likely we are to fall into error..

Professional quest..

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meProfessional Astrologer

I feel strange now.

Just had a confusing experience with a client.

I’ve been quite busy this week with astrological work and everything is going pretty well with that.

As I come out of my personal crisis, my practice as an astrologer is becoming clearer. I feel that I work as a “transformer”.

The work is shamanic.

I’m also realising that most of the time parental introjection and family karma is an important part of my readings.

Is about becoming who you are by also realising who you’re not.

Or in other words, all about what Carl Jung called the “process of individuation”, the process of becoming your own individual.

But I’m not sure how to deal with a situation where the client doesn’t resonate much with his/her astrological blue print.

It’s weird and uncomfortable for both of us.

They usually seem to be out of touch with their innermost self, without any interest in psychology, and what they are looking for is a ready made answer or prediction of what’s going to happen.

I guess I should have stayed with the basic sets of characteristics of each planet in each sign?! Maybe I could have helped more that way?!

Fellow astrologers out there, what do you do in this kind of situation?!

Feel free to also share your experiences!

 

Transforming forms..

by with 7 Comments Astrology and meInner life

If my writing is becoming somewhat repetitive I apologise.

But this Pluto transit is taking most of my attention and energy at the moment. I can’t really talk or think about anything else other than one of the many Pluto-Moon layers that one can feel being triggered right now..

Yes, finally I’ve got a home. (at least for now anyways)

In the past few days I’ve been indulging in spending time in my new bedroom, specially in bed. I’ve got the mattress from someone else and I’ve been working on putting my energy in it.

I’ve been working on concentrating my energy in this space.

Jolly good.

But yesterday we finally spoke, me and the guy I was seeing since July. He finished the retreat and told me he has signed up for long term service there.

He seems happier  and lighter than before and I’m glad about that.

But here comes the next Pluto square Moon event: he also told me that he somehow has lost interest in our relationship. He isn’t as attracted to me as he was before. Just like that.

Since the beginning of this relationship he was always saying how crazy about me he was. He was always all over me, doing things for me, giving me compliments, buying me things… saying that he was concerned that he liked me a lot more than I liked him.

I just wanted to go slow.

Knowing about the Pluto transit to my Moon I knew I couldn’t just allow him to take care of me like he wanted to. I had to keep some space. I had to do it on my own, moving cities and also getting acquainted with my new place. I didn’t want to rely on him too much.

I just knew I wasn’t supposed to.

Not when Pluto, transiting my second house of self reliability, was making the final (and longest) square to my natal Moon in Libra, changing patterns of co-dependency in relationships.

But yesterday was a bit shocking to hear, and to feel his coolness towards me. I was already contemplating the idea of being on my own so I could focus on myself, but witnessing how someone can flip and change in only a few days feels slightly scary to me.

I am not terrified like I was when my previous lover broke up with me when I was just about to move out from my house on my own (back on the first square from Pluto to my Moon in March 2015).

I am not scared in a survival kind of way. No.

I just feel a little scared with the possibility that love might never stay..

Toiletroom

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for homeTrip

How amazing.

I’m laying down on the floor of a tiny little room beside the toilet at my friend’s house. The boiler is in this place and keeps making quite a bit of noise every now and then.

There is a broken chair and some of my stuff spread around.

A bag filled with books, a backpack and a big box containing a random selection of my belongings that I’ve picked up yesterday at my brother’s house.

The last time I saw these box was when I moved out back in March 2015. It feels like having a little treasure really. I had forgotten a lot of those things and it was a joy yesterday to have them in my hands again.

Never mind that though, I’m not so much into the material side of things. Things are just things. They’re replaceable.

What I want to state here is my feeling of appreciation for this piece of floor in this tiny room (while Pluto goes direct!). The old me would not be able to even conceive myself being relax and feeling secure in a situation like this one right now.

And right now I just feel so grateful for being able to sleep alone again…

Lately I’ve been craving my own company so much that I would rejoice in the toilet for having the feeling of aloneness between 4 walls..

(And speaking about that, someone just used the toilet as I was writing this post and the smell is pretty bad here now..)