Lunar mess

by with 5 Comments Astrology and me

Yesterday I went to a little Christmas gathering in one of my neighbours. I didn’t really know anyone there apart from my house mate.

It is amazing to see how much of my lunar function is still sort of out of tune.

People would come to talk to me and I would just see myself reacting in an overly Libran fashion, smiling all the time but also feeling the undercurrents of anxiety or darker feelings in almost everyone in the room (probably more linked to my Saturn and Pluto in the 12th house).

Really, I was amazed to see how this part of my psyche (the one connected with the symbolism of the Moon) is still not functioning in a more authentic fashion yet, (although I can now see that happening whereas before it used to be just a reaction, so there is some growth there.)

Mercury will be going retrograde at 15 degrees, the same degree of my Moon in Libra, so probably more insights for me on the Pluto transit and it’s effects on my Moon.

I think that’s probably part of what happens, when going under an important major transit, whichever planet/drive in your psyche is being touched is going to be completely out of tune for a while.

I guess this is just a natural part of the process of transformation. It has to be messed up in order to be reorganised in a different fashion.

Transiting Nodes

by with 5 Comments Random

Have you ever noticed what happened when transiting North node hit something on your chart?!

Transiting node now is just about to make a conjunction to my natal Sun, and regarding the frustrations I wrote about yesterday, I have a good feeling about it.

The lunar nodes are considered to have a connection with karmic lessons and spiritual growth, and I have been observing it’s reflection when it touched something important in my chart.

In my experience there is usually someone else involved.

When transiting North Node made a conjunction with my Ascendant, Moon and Venus (in different occasions) I met someone that somehow taught me a relevant lesson regarding the principle in question.

When the nodes transited my ASC-DSC axis I met the guy who I shortly after would have my Saturn return intense experience with. Encountering this person has taught me lessons in so many levels that it is still hard to pinpoint.

I also see the karmic intensity of it by the fact that transiting South Node was right on my DSC. (If there is such a thing as past lifes, I certainly have met him before)

The two other occasions were a little lighter.

With North node transiting my natal Moon I got reunited with my past lover, the one that had a very relevant role in me acting upon my decision to leave my life in London behind (culminated with the first square from Pluto to my Moon in early 2015).

Then when transiting North Node was conjuncting my natal Venus I met a very interesting (not in a romantic way) polish man in Thailand, that gave me many insights into my love life (not only) and who gave me a peculiar and intense healing session.

That was quite powerful and somehow prepared the ground for the  intense healing experience I’ve had during my yoga course.

Now transiting North Node is just about to hit my natal Sun, in a moment when I’ve been feeling deflated and longing for more opportunities to express my solar principle.

(I’ve been reading “The Luminaries” by Liz Greene and Howard Sasportas and getting a lot of inspiration from it, couldn’t recommend more! Do read it if you want to get a deeper understanding of the solar and lunar function in the and astrological chart.)

Will keep my eyes wide open now..

Little chaos

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner life

Things are getting pretty intense here.

Pluto has moved just one degree away from the square to my natal Moon and I just noticed the typical energetic buzz of black moon Lilith… its just 2 degrees away from crossing over my Ascendant in Scorpio.

I feel like there is a volcano just about to erup inside me now.

(And I say it by experience, from someone who has Venus in opposition to black moon Lilith in the natal chart…)

Feelings of frustration at work are growing exponentially and the sense, or perhaps fear, that I will never express my solar self is haunting me. The self that I am meant to become but that does not seem to exist at the moment..

Then I’ve broke up my relationship one more time just now. The individual is an original Uranus conjunct the IC and I’m a Mars-Uranus conjunct in the first house, I guess at the moment, at its worst.

I’m having a little drink now, haven’t done this in ages, and I’m feeling that that relationship was somehow holding me back actually?! For some reason bearing frustration is a little harder when I’m in a relationship.

I’m not sure.

But funny enough there still seems to be an island of stillness within me..

Tying knots in the 2nd house..

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

The intensity of these month with the culmination of the last exact square from transiting Pluto to my natal Moon has been quite different from the previous ones.

The impression that I have is that things have been challenged to transform from within,  beginning with the deepest unconscious layers (still when Pluto was 2 degrees orbit away from the first exact square), and now perhaps hitting mostly the more gross parts that still need to be fined tuned.

In the last two months I haven’t had many internal breakdowns or many difficult emotions to deal with. During the first square in March 2015 I was overwhelmed by fear and sadness and emotions in general.

Now I feel a lot more stable and secure within myself.

What seems to be happening in this last stage is more connected with work and financial life and my values really (a lot of the matters connected with the 2nd house of the horoscope).

It was only in the last week that I consciously noticed how much I’m already feeling deflated and bored at work. I think I sort of came to the realisation that this is “just another job” again.

We aren’t really doing much to get involved in the local community, mainly the boss is focused on making money and a bit desperate because we are still not very busy. He is saving money on certain things that I disagree on like rubbish collection (we are not recycling yet!! I still can’t really believe that he doesn’t seem to care too much about that).

Then I also have noticed him at times behaving like a capitalist desperate boss, feeling agitated when he sees you sitting down for a bit (on a shift of 9 hours and and half standing on your feet) on a day that is extremely quiet and there isn’t much to do anyway.

(I’m not holding a grudge or anything, don’t get me wrong. I can see that he is trying his best and that he doesn’t have much experience.)

But my problem is that there seems to be more preoccupation with looking cool and forward thinking and ecological than actually truly caring about the environment for instance.

I understand that this is just the first month and chaos is all around. But he did get some extra money from the bank so there shouldn’t be an excuse for recycling and composting food  and coffee waste.

I feel like I’m still going against my values, a bit like I was when living in London.

I don’t want to put my energy into egotistical purposes. I want to work for something that will improve the collective situation somehow.

Power to the people.

So this week I’m only working for 3 days and the idea that I could save up money to do a yoga teacher training in 3 months is gone.

Now I’m not sure anymore. All I know is that I have to invest more time and energy into my work as an astrologer and perhaps still live on a low budget for some time.

But I refuse to give my energy full time to something that I don’t believe in..

Words for catching up

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

Pluto is making its lat exact square to my natal moon for the whole month of November and I feel like I’ve been very busy.

There is a lot that I would like to do, but at the moment most of my energy is concentrated in rebuilding the material structures of my life.

I’m also putting some of my energy into socialising and sharing myself with others, especially with my boyfriend.

Yes, a lot has happened and I haven’t really broken up the relationship with the sagittarian guy I’ve met at the festival during the summer. After much turmoil (especially during the intense month of September and early October), and presenting many challenges to each other, our bond seems to be becoming more solid.

This is proving to be a deeper relationship.

I can’t be bother to pretend being something that I’m not and even when I sometimes unconsciously try reliving some of the old patterns of behaviour he stops me right away by openly challenging me.

He doesn’t let me fall asleep.

Two days ago I bought couple of floral remedies and I am really interested in taking some kind of course or going for a workshop to learn more about it.

They truly fascinate me and I can easily imagine them becoming my next obsession..

I started taking centaury (one of Bach remedies).

The medium I’ve met at a healing centre in Holland during my travels last year who told me I should have that one.

In five minutes she was able to summarise what was one of the main reasons for many of my issues. That was impressive and her words echoes in my mind still.

It felt like an important part of the puzzle was given to me on that day. My search had become a little clearer.

About 10 days ago I watched a webinar about Pluto with Liz Greene.

She is truly brilliant.

One of the tips she gave us was to track down the transits from Pluto to your natal chart, even the ones that happened before you were born, and see what was happening in the family. In this way, she said, we could perhaps achieve a better understanding of what Pluto means to us, of how we experience this archetype in a more personal way. (She says that Pluto is connected with a collective instinct in order to survive.)

With Pluto, she said that, “Events carry a feeling of fatedness, necessity, the unfolding of a previously invisible pattern, unforeseen consequences of earlier choices made not only by oneself, but by one’s family or the collective.”

And further down she said that ” all Pluto transits carry with them an impersonal or collective impetus toward survival through transformation that is archetypal and lies beyond one’s own personal issues.”

Depending on which planet is being touched by transiting Pluto we can have clues on what kind of contribution we are bringing to the collective “impetus to survive”.

The process is so deep and multi layered that I can’t express very well all that has, and still is, happening in my psyche.

But hopefully I will be writing a bit more from now on..

OrbitIN mind

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner life

These days I was rereading “The horoscope in manifestation” by brilliant mind Liz Greene and got myself thinking about orbits in astrology.

One of my main teachers at the London School of Astrology, Frank Clifford (definitely another brilliant mind), had always made a point on “keeping things simple” when it comes to astrology. He would always advise us on finding signatures (which I find very helpful) and on keeping the orbits tight (max of 5 degrees).

Liz Greene, on the other hand, speaks of an orbit of 10 degrees in her book.

I guess that when the approach is psychological you can’t consider a Pluto transit, for instance, only when the planet is sitting right on top of a natal planet.

There is a process being brewed in the individual’s psyche preparing the ground for the transit, and then afterwards, also a process of slowly breaking down and integrating the changes.

To me that makes sense.

Mercury is a strong planet in my horoscope for different reasons and when it was opposed by transiting Neptune around 3 years ago I had a hard time recognising myself.

Since always I’ve had a great love for books and was constantly reading.

But during those years I just couldn’t concentrate.

My mind felt scrambled, my memory was ineffective and my capacity to debate and exchange information was seemingly gone.

Before, I used to read rouhly around 3 books a month and in the last year I probably have read maybe 5 books in the whole year?

Something like that.

At the moment Neptune is retrograde and around 5 degrees away from the opposition to my natal Mercury.

I resonate with the idea of 10 degrees orbit because I can still feel the effects of this transit.

Yes, my mind has gone through some deep transformation, but I don’t feel that I have come back to the functionality of my Mercury in Virgo yet. I am slowly coming back, slowly reading books again, but in a way that is different from before and that still isn’t completely clear to me yet.

I look forward to see if I feel any difference next year, when Neptune will be 10 degrees away from my Mercury.

This is all very exciting for this is the first major, of the multiple transits (from the outer planets) that I’ve been going through, that is fading.

We’ll see what happens..

 

 

Plutonic Capricorn crisis..

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

I’m sitting down having breakfast on my own.

I just realised that the clock has changed in England and instead of 6:50 is actually 5:51 in the morning.

Having some issues at work and, with that, also having shadowy parts of my psyche popping up regularly.

Being an authority isn’t easy and yesterday, when I went to bed at 8pm feeling down, I was thinking about the reasons why I’ve never wanted to do that (be an authority figure in almost 7 years of experience in this industry).

I am a very good worker and pretty good at taking orders from superiors too (even though I have to respect the person in charge first). And I used to enjoy just being that, the excellent part time worker that comes 3 times a week.

In that way, without committing too much, I’ve managed to keep myself free from the inner critic and almost obsessive perfectionism, at least in these kind of odd jobs (the ones that aren’t really my true passion).

But is really hard to do that now.

I just cannot keep myself detached and make a commitment at the same time.

If I decide to do something, I’m doing it wholeheartedly. I put all of me in it. I am a Scorpio rising after all..

Yesterday when I was in bed really early, resting my exhausted legs and feet, it took me at least 3 good hours and a half to stop thinking about work. I was worried about the inconsistent way that we’ve been serving our coffee (we don’t have a barista), then I was worried that I’m getting my period soon and don’t want to be at work because of the pain (I refuse to take pain killers since my Saturn return and my journey of healing and reconnecting with my womb) but we are a tiny team for financial reasons and at the moment is hard to get someone to cover you..

Then I was worrying that I don’t want to commit myself that much, reasoning that I haven’t opened a cafe myself and that my real passion is astrology.

I want to focus my energy in reading and writing, these are one of my best skills and that’s what I most love doing.

And finally I had to calm myself down and remember that I just need to give him a hand for a little (I’m giving 3 months minimum) and save up some cash working full time, and then I will be free again.

I also can’t forget that Pluto is making the final exact square to my Moon for the whole month of November still.

Home life is pretty good, I’m enjoying it enormously. But what seems to be brought up now is the financial and lifelong (so it seems) crisis in my value system.

I’ve had moments in tears last night thinking about the business mentality of efficiency above human well being and how my ego is easily falling into that trap, for I am the manager now, even though I really don’t believe and don’t want to be a part of that system anymore.

And so I just kept quietly repeating to myself “only 3 months, only 3 months, only 3 months”.. until unconsciousness came to rescue me.

The cafe’s chart

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meProfessional Astrologer

We opened the cafe today!

I took a look at the exact time that we opened the doors as I really wanted to cast it’s astrological chart.

I’m not a hundred per cent sure on how to read it as I am more in tune with the psychological approach to interpreting astrological symbols, but I find it interesting nevertheless.

The rising sign is at 6 degrees Scorpio with both rulers together (Mars and Pluto at 15 Capricorn) in the 3rd house. I thought that perhaps this is the kind of signature of a survivor.

The third house makes me think that we should probably get actively involved with the local community and neighbourhood. Perhaps even promote or facilitate some kind of exchange of information between people?! The Moon is also in Gemini, which somehow speaks of connecting and being flexible?!

The MC is at 18 degrees Leo and the Sun, it’s ruler, in Libra in the 12th house. That sounds a little reclusive for a cafe?! I’m not sure. The Sun is also conjunct Mercury and both are opposing Uranus in the 6th house. Something about being quirk in some way?!

Moon in Gemini is applying to a trine with the Sun in Libra and I like the feel of it.

I specially like that Jupiter and Venus are in mutual reception (Jupiter in Libra, Venus in Sagittarius), Jupiter being the ruler of the 2nd house and Venus the natural ruler of that area. Also Venus is in the second house of the Cafe’s chart and it will eventually make a sextile to Jupiter in the 11th (again the idea of community?! Somehow engaging with groups of people more consciously? An ideal?).

Saturn is in the second house, but it is applying to a sextile with Jupiter also. Perhaps there will be a solid finacial build up?!

I’m feeling quite tired now, not used to doing this kind of work anymore.

It was a 12 hour shift today.

The cool side is that I’ve never worked as a manager before. The challenge of learning new things and taking more responsibility does excite me a bit.

At least for now.

And that’s how I spent the day with transiting Mars activating the Pluto transit to my Moon, working hard!

Moodtracking function

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner lifeProfessional Astrologer

The more I work on the 3 months personal forecast that I’ve been offering for clients, the more I observe the importance of the quick moving planets and the lunations.

They don’t point out huge and deep transformative times, like having either one of the outer planets transiting something important in your chart, but they do act as triggers.

And because of that, I find that they also point out, very interestingly, potential mood swings and stuff like that.

It might not sound very deep at first, tracking down potential moodiness for instance, but it can actually save you a lot of trouble by increasing the awareness of how you might be feeling in a certain day.

In psychological terms, Carl Jung says that sudden moodiness has something to do with being possessed, or suddenly assaulted, by an unconscious part of our psyche.

So I think that it’s just natural that if we can manage to keep track of this daily flow of moods, the thread can potentially take us to where the deeper transformations are occurring.

The enhanced awareness can also save us a lot of energy that we might be putting into pointless arguments or into feeding the inner critic inside our heads.

And again, I insist on the importance of keeping it as individual as possible.

For instance I was a little concerned about this full moon because Mercury would be triggering the current major transit that Pluto is making to my natal Moon.

And I also read many countless material on the intensity of this Full Moon in Aries conjunct Eris and Uranus, but to be honest with you, I had a pretty sound couple of days during this Full Moon.

I could only observe the usual difficulty in getting sleep that I always feel under the influence of a Full Moon.

No disruptions, no major insights or fights for my individuality etc etc etc..

Mind you, I did feel a very intense energy in the air around the area where I’m gonna be working (which is a sort of trendy night life area that has a big mix of people, including lots of homeless and junkies), and I really did not want to be out on that night.

Too much energy in the air combined with too many unaware people doesn’t feel or sound very good to me.

But nothing major going on within myself.

Darkening hours

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner life

I had just about the worst night I’ve had in ages.

I woke up around 3:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep.

Not only that, but had to be the container for a whole range of dark feelings for hours. It was like a well pouring out many variations of anxiety and worries.

I can’t even pinpoint what it is exactly, I don’t really know what caused it. But I think that I can recognise too well the plutonian flavour to what just happened.

Another layer of unconscious fears are being purged.

Then, under the grips of my restlessness I casted the chart for the coming full moon in Aries on the 16th of October (only a few days ahead..) and couldn’t help but notice my breath getting shortened as I looked at the symbols.

Casted for Bristol,  where I am currently living, the Ascendant is 29 degrees Virgo. It’s ruler, Mercury, is at 15 degrees Libra making an exact square to Pluto in Capricorn (with Mars in Capricorn not too far away..) and both activating my natal Moon at 15 degrees Libra.

Was that enough reflection of what’s brewing inside me?!

I saw the myriad of red lines between the planets running in my bloodstream and the tension, symbolically represented in the drawing, was strongly felt in the darkest hour today.

I don’t see the planets causing anything to me, but rather reflecting what goes on inside me.

Around 6am I was sitting down straight in my bed and trying my best to meditate. Trying to just watch those feelings with awareness. Trying hard not to get my head involved in story telling.

The alchemical work has to be done, there is no other choice.