Prognostication as New Lenses

by with 10 Comments Astrological InsightsAstrology and me

One of the things that I find most interesting regarding prognostic techniques in astrology is to see them as an opportunity to experience your natal chart differently. To have a temporary experience of how different certain placements are from what you know (especially regarding progressions/solar arc directions).

For instance I have a tight natal square between Venus and Neptune (with Venus being the ruler of my 7th house) and this has been very obvious in my love life. All of the classic stuff that we usually link to that kind of aspect: evasion, confusion, being the saviour or saved by someone else… my sometimes (many times to be honest) lack of discrimination has consistently put me into trouble.

It is not a surprise then that having my progressed Venus exactly conjoined natal Saturn has somehow been feeling refreshing (a word that we hardly imagine paired up with Saturn’s symbolism). But that’s how it partly feels to me. Suddenly I am more sober, more serious and unwilling to delude myself.

I want to see who is truly in front of me rather than dream about it. As I get older I am increasingly tired of the Neptunian fog that comprised my love life and this progression seems to reflect that. This time is an opportunity to learn Saturn-Venus lessons (transiting Saturn is also trine my natal Venus!).

And I welcome that right now!

The other day I had a date with someone and it was brilliant not to do anything, it was great to just hold and give myself time to slowly meet someone else. I told him I want to be friends and make sure we do have anything before becoming physical. I’ve never really done that before. It was great!

Sure I do feel isolated and alone at times (all of the Saturn stuff), but it somehow feels good being able to be with myself. I don’t want any illusions anymore, I’d rather isolate myself instead and concentrate on important things, like my dissertation (which I just started the process) and my astrological practice.

So whenever you see something like that coming up (progressed Venus on your Saturn), this could be a great opportunity, an antidote to an old pattern represented by the natal astrological symbol, like my Venus-Neptune for example.

Venus-Neptune rant

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meInner life

After much tension for the last couple of weeks here I am to write another blog post. This one I think is more of a need for self expression than anything else.

I feel confused and not sure about how to proceed, where should I be or how should I deal with my situation now. My natal Venus Square Neptune has been transited by Pluto and Saturn for some time, with my progressed Venus just about to conjoin natal Saturn, and I do feel this is potentially a big time of learning. Learning about boundaries and self worth, learning about my self-delusion tendencies in love, etc. Learning to get hold of my longings and to not project into a potential partner.

But these days I met an ex lover and all of that knowing and self awareness sort of went down the drain. I’ve always made a point in meeting past lovers after sometime just to complete the process of getting over someone. Just to see how much that person does not have a hold on me anymore. Banishing someone I like from my life forever, has never been my way of dealing with a broken heart.

But what do we do when even after not seeing someone for 5 years you realise that you still have strong feelings for that person? How can that even be possible? I feel like I’ve had so many lives for the past five years, so much travelling, moving cities, jobs, doing a masters, different relationships, etc. So much has happened, so much growth. How is it possible to still have strong feelings for someone that I thought I left behind long ago?

He is one of the only people I’ve met that I felt completely comfortable sleeping beside me, I didn’t feel restless and could manage to go into deep sleep quite easily. Many of his personal planets fall into my 12th house and I have the feeling that that reflects an access that he has to my unconscious, which is quite nice for sleeping. I don’t know. It actually feels like he has free access to my soul, and that’s the trouble. How can you let go of a connection of this kind?

Although a lot of good things are happening in my life at the moment, I feel sad. I wonder what is the point of having such a strong and deep link with someone if you’re not able to pursue and explore it further. Grow together. Why? What is the point in learning about letting go of someone you like so much, knowing that they feel similarly towards you?

Not meant to be? What does that even mean? …

Pluto-Moon transit update and roots

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

In less than a month I will be heading back to the UK after almost 6 months living in Brazil. I have mixed feelings and think about how much the decision of living outside your home country changes things for good.

Where then is home?

For many years I rejected Brazil as my place of origin and adopted the foreigner identity, but now this seems to be changing again. I don’t feel completely Brazilian in a cliche sort of way, but I also don’t feel ‘not Brazilian’ anymore either.

These feelings made me think about writing a sort of update on my long lasting/ongoing Pluto-Moon transit.

For the last 5 years much has happened in connection to transiting Pluto forming a square to my natal Moon.

(if you’re curious about this whole process just click on the tag ‘Pluto Square Moon’)

I now find myself a lot more balanced and emotionally honest, giving more space for healthier emotional bonds in my life, and the list really goes on. Feeling more secure within myself, more solid, living what seems to be a more authentic life, more courageous in lots of different levels, with a transformed relationship with my mother but also the inner mother has changed a lot… (the list really goes on…) but…

I still find myself without a home.

Since I moved out from London in early 2015 I’ve travelled a lot and experimented a lot. I’ve developed myself through moving around, also through gathering the courage and guts to move on my own. I lived in Bristol, in Thailand for 3 months, I hitchhiked for 3 months, I’ve worked on summer festivals by myself, I moved to a community in the Forest of Dean for a year and a half, I came back to sense myself in Brazil for 6 months… I’ve put down roots just to shortly pull them up again.

I think I did a lot. (A lot of moving around, definitely)

Now, as I stare into my temporary keyring which is once more with multiple sets of keys (one for my mom’s, one for my friend’s where I currently live, and one from the guy I’ve been dating)  I wonder how long it will take until I’m able to have a home that’s not so much temporary…

How long until I can put down roots which will grow a little further than usual?

I am looking into buying a flat in Sao Paulo with my father and my intuition says that perhaps my 12 year chapter in England is coming to an end…

At the moment transiting Pluto is forming a trine/sextile to my ASC-DSC axis and trine to my natal Venus, but it will eventually conjunct my IC in Aquarius. And I wonder what will be the condition of my roots by then…

I also find interesting the fact that my Progressed Moon is in Aquarius, the sign of my IC, and in 6 months it will be crossing over it and into my 4th house, exactly when Im thinking about coming back to Brazil to spend another 6 months, but by then, possibly with a flat of my own.

Progressed Moon conjunct IC

by with 4 Comments Astrological InsightsAstrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

I’ve been back in Brazil for just over 3 weeks and much has happened already, or has it not?!

Since my progressed Moon entered the sign of my natal IC in the beginning of September my attention has naturally turned towards exploring and understanding more about my roots.

I’ve been socialising quite a bit and going out observing everything with the curiosity of an anthropologist doing field work in some remote and yet familiar place.

I used to feel that I don’t belong here, and for the first time I am willing to recognise a slight sense of belonging that seems to be increasing as time goes by…

Not sure.

Perhaps Im getting more comfortable with being part of the syncretism that I come from. Being some sort of Alien Frankenstein (how much Aquarius on the IC does this sound?!) returning ‘home’… home?!

Transiting Saturn is forming its last square to my natal Moon and I don’t feel the typical symptoms associated with this transit: loneliness, depression, etc. I really don’t, which is a reminder to never dismember astrological symbolism too much. What I sense happening instead, is me questioning if I should come back to live here…  or not…

Subpersonalities and Astrology

by with 3 Comments Astrology and meInner life

I have been truly busy.

I guess that’s no news since my last post (or maybe the one just before the last?)

I remember talking about how much I’m actually enjoying the energy that the entrance of my progressed Moon into Capricorn is reflecting at this moment in time.

Focus, grounding, practicality and the enjoyment of doing what needs to be done.

But everything has two sides, and yesterday I just realised how much I’ve been under the grips of my animus. The masculine in me has been repressing and beating my feminine up big time.

The realisation came after a heated argument with my boyfriend about statistics and astrology that went wrong.

Why was I so strongly attached in defending my point of view like that?

After crying a little and consequently allowing the feminine energy to flow back through me it was clear that the man inside me was just becoming a bit of a tyrant..

And going back to the magical ways that astrology works… right when my boyfriend left, a bit pissed off, I straight away went back to working on the 3 months forecast that I was writing to one of my clients before he arrived.

As Im back to the writings, feeling still quite angry myself, I realised that I was speaking about the Moon activating my client’s natal Chiron in Gemini opposing Mars in Sagittarius when my visitor interrupted me..

I have Chiron in Gemini making an opposition to Mars (conjunct Uranus) in Sagittarius myself and I knew that this configuration, which is the symbolic representation of my animus as well, was being activated at that very moment with the recent argument..

Not only that.

I then became aware that this configuration was somehow overtaking me in the last few days and I wasn’t sure what was going on, why I wasn’t feeling quite right, until that moment..

And now Im also reading a lecture by Howard Saportas on Subpersonalities and psychological conflict.

So interesting!

Seeing each different configuration in the astrological chart as one of your subpersonalities fighting for attention or sometimes possessing you..

Timed by transits and progressions, or perhaps activated by the influence of another person’s presence (which you can see with the synastry), these are the moments that you have the opportunity to reintegrate them and move further ahead on your individuation process.

So today, to bring balance, Im making a point on embracing my feminine energy again.

 

Symbolifed

by with No Comment Astrology and meTrip

Excuse me the weird tittle for this post, but yesterday I’ve had one of the most interesting synchronicity here in Istanbul regarding how astrological symbols pervades real life. This is actually one of the themes that truly fascinates me about astrology, how the symbols come out, how the archetypal energy gets manifested.

Since I’ve had a phase of exploring one night stands searching for myself I started to get curious about what astrology could speak in terms of attraction in each specific case. For instance we know that interaspects between Mars and Venus usually light up a spark between two people. But I wanted more than that, I wanted to see and understand how I feel the different nuances between each attraction and connection I would have with someone. It has been quite a fascinating journey and I definitely should write some more stuff about that.

But anyways, yesterday I decided to go out on a date with myself. It was one of these days that I just crave my own company. And so I went in search of a bookshop that would sell books in English.

As I was walking in the street I saw this guy sitting on a step listening to a turkish old man playing the flute. I don’t really know how to explain, but I just felt this urge to sit down beside him and have a chat. I didn’t really know exactly why as I didn’t really fancy him or anything like that. But because I’m making sure that I connect more and more with my instincts and wild self I simply turned around and sat beside him asking if he speaks English. He was surprised and asked me if I was from Turkey and was even more surprised to find out that I’m from Brazil because so was he. We went for coffee and shared many stories and feelings. After couple of hours we said good bye and when I got back I was curious to see the synastry or anything that could enlighten me about that sudden attraction. I was searching for meanings, like I usually do. Didn’t find anything in the synastry, so decided to check his progressions and found out that his progressed chart at the moment is exactly the day of my birthday. So most of the planets of his progressed chart is in the same degree and configuration of my birth chart. I don’t know what my conclusions are about this happening, but that made me think a lot about vibration and resonating yet from another perspective. Were we just meant to be some kind of mirror, but very literally at this point in time, to each other for couple of hours in such apparently random situation?