Pluto-Moon bummer 3

(Just need to get this out of my chest)

Unbelievable.

I’m aware of Pluto’s retrograde motion getting closer to square my natal Moon again, but I wasn’t expecting that.

I just got a phone call from my mother telling me that she broke her foot and that it will take her at least 45 days to recover (maybe). She won’t be able to do anything so obviously I am going to be the one to just drop everything down (which perhaps isn’t much anyways?) and go to Brazil to nurse her 24/7.

Unbelievable.

I cannot put in words the myriad of intense emotions that this situation has just triggered in me.

One of the big things during this Pluto transit was to realise that my mother isn’t really who I thought she was.

Most of my life, out of feminism or I don’t really know what, I’ve always bought what she told me. I was always on her side. I would always protect and help her, no matter what. I would many times be against my father or sacrifice myself in some way or another for her.

And she always told me we were friends. And I believed it. (Moon in the 11th?)

Well, things turned out to be very different than what she made me believe most of my life. (With Sun in Cancer and Moon in Pisces playing the victim can be one way of manifesting the energies..)

I somehow realised how much that “close friendship” was actcually controlling and suffocating me most of the time.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of anger and resentment for having to play her mother many times. (especially emotionally)

I don’t want that anymore! I’m aware of this dynamic now, the subtle manipulative tactics, emotional blackmail etc.

But I know that she isn’t aware. She isn’t very self aware at all.

I’m amazed to see that, after having what it seemed to be a little break from the intense crisis during the first 2 hits, as Pluto move backwards and approach my natal Moon once more, the whole “life and death”/intense emotions are back almost straight away.

And life reflect symbols that reflects life…