I’m having a cup of tea on my own while evaluating my process of change.
I think that its good to be aware of all the pain and struggle during a Pluto transit, but keeping perspective is equally important. Being able to have at least a glimpse of who you are becoming and seeing the improvement is paramount for honestly managing the pain without suppressing it or feeling lost in depression.
Filling up your lungs with the fresh air available in the newly uncluttered parts of your psyche feels really good.
I think I’ve always had the tendency to seek relationships compulsively. Being in a partnership is nurturing for the Moon in Libra. We feel comfortable sharing. We feel stronger when mirrored by someone else’s eyes.
Obviously there is more to it, but nevertheless romantic relationships tend to be extremely important for the wellbeing of libran moon individuals.
And I spent most of my youth being in relationships. In a very unconscious manner I would always find a way to be in a partnership, even if I wasn’t in love or truly passionate about the other person. Somehow it felt better to “have” someone rather than to be on my own. I think that because the Moon has a resonance with our unconscious behaviour and mother (our sense of safety) it was easier for me to go along with the Libran shadow even though many other parts of my psyche were screaming for independency and self sufficiency.
It’s been a while since I’ve been in a serious relationship. I’ve had many flings (many) and fell in love a few times in the last five years. But it was only with Pluto/Uranus transiting my Moon in March last year that I got the real kick on my butt with the failure of what seemed to be a very important connection to me.
I felt desperately lost and sad. Well yeah, by that point I was already dealing with something much bigger than the blowing up of yet another one of my illusions (I’m also a Venus square Neptune). I was terrified to be leaving my comfort zone behind (when I was leaving my home in London). I was dealing with all of the infantile fears represented by that Pluto transit to my Moon. Nobody was going to take care of me. (even though I was already taking care of myself by myself very well) I was dealing with issues of emotional dependency.
I have been traveling and moving around quite a bit ever since and as a consequence, and by choice really, I’ve been alone most of this time.
For the first time in my life I consciously don’t want to have a relationship. And for the first time I feel very okay with my aloneness. I think that only by facing the challenges of not having any validation from someone else I am honestly becoming aware of my potentials as an individual, aware of my true values when it comes to partnerships and more conscious of who I really am. My sense of self is becoming stronger and sturdier.
I believe that is only by going through this process that equality in relationships is possible. And equality is one of the best manifestations of the Libra archetype.
But how can you give yourself to someone else when you don’t own yourself in first place?