Mercurial Wanderings under Venus Retrograde…

Venus has turned retrograde with the last full moon in Gemini and has been hovering around Pluto for quite some time now and this post is a reflexive product of it somehow. As usual a mix of personal experience and food for thought which I hope you might find useful, or inspiring, or at least entertaining. 

Mercurial wanderings…

I sometimes find it amusing the way that our society works. Not that I am completely outside of it, of course not. But with the strong Aquarian, Uranian, 11th house and out of bounds emphasis in my natal chart, I confess that it feels like I am ‘out of bounds’ myself most of the time. I don’t think I always fully understand the logic behind some of our taken for granted agreements. 

I see a powerfully strong Capricorn theme when it comes to work ethics, productivity, goals, and visions of success. Ambition is very high rated, material gratification too. But I am also especially thinking about the idea of ‘professionalism’ here. 

When did we stop valuing humanness and buying into this concept that absolute detachment equals a more ‘professional’ and capable approach? Don’t get me wrong, I understand the need for ethics, in a deeper sense, I would say. But the coldness that usually accompanies the generally accepted ‘professionalism’ really hugs me, no, I mean bugs me. 

Another thing that comes to mind is how value is attributed to money and how much not having money has a detrimental effect on self-esteem. It is difficult to value yourself if not having enough money prevents you from having a voice, from making choices and being considered important by other members of society. 

As my secondary progressed ascendant slowly transitions from Sagittarius into Capricorn (it has already made the shift in Solar Arc direction last year), the more I see myself valuing professionalism and the material realm without losing sight of some of the questions stated above. I have most of the time considered myself a freedom loving and informal type of person – always hated the hypocrisy that sometimes being ‘professional’ makes you comply with.

But now I see myself getting increasingly tired of the hippish approach to life and really feeling the need to gather all my professional experience (which by now is kind of considerable as I’m no spring chick anymore…) and put it into one place. Have a brand – (did I really say that?!) – and make a proper income (whatever that means) solo from astrology work. Get myself deeply involved with the potential productivity, which is quite vast considering the possibilities that the internet and digital era offers us.   

You see, these words seem like a great example of what we could be doing during this cycle of retrogradation from Venus in Capricorn. Ask ourselves where we are going and if that place is truly aligned with our core values. I would also say, as I think about the shift that my progressed ascendant seems to be reflecting, this could be a great time for catching up with your shifting values too. What important and major themes in your life are slowly fading and losing their grip on you now? How aligned are you with your natural changes and the resulting new-born values within it? 

Recently, while I was trying to relax and enjoy the holiday season, I decided to reread my last journal – another great thing to do during one of the fast-moving planets’ cycles of retrogradation. It can be wonderfully insightful to be able to see your process and how (surprisingly) congruent it usually is with how you intuitively feel from moment to moment. 

This time I was surprised to see how much had been written about my search for a fulfilling relationship (another relevant topic for this Venus retrograde period) and how to get there by being clear about what I really want – my natal Venus/Neptune square has been transited by Pluto, whilst progressed Venus conjoined natal Saturn.

There is no healthy relationship without healthy boundaries. 

I can’t remember where I read this, or who mentioned it to me, but it is so true. 

In one entry from my journal, I wrote: 

‘Is this what self-worth looks like? Making difficult choices that puts your mental/emotional/physical wellbeing first? I guess so. His love life is a mess that I don’t want to be part of – There is no role for me there, at least, there isn’t a role that I am willing to play.’    

And later I wrote:

‘It is exciting to be able to be more myself and less of what people want me to be’, with the conclusion that more validation coming from within gives space for authenticity to be truly expressed out there. 

If you don’t feel comfortable being yourself around someone, or if that person does not support your authenticity and shows no appreciation for who you are, always making demeaning comments or trying to change you into what they want you to be, it is a sign that this might not be the right relationship for you. 

Remember, you are nobody else’s dream! (that used to be a little note to myself, natal Venus-Neptune’s things…) 

And these thoughts also remind me of psychotherapist Mark Vernon’s great article ‘What is Love?’ where, amongst other things, the author discuss the idea that love grows through conflict – and that in fact, the secret of a successful relationship many times is in our capacity to deal with disagreement and not necessarily in our capacity to love. In his words ‘an inability to handle conflict is a good predictor of divorce’.

According to Antoine de Saint-Exupéry ‘experience shows us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction’, and for that to happen, we have the obligation (with ourselves, more than anyone else) to know our values! To be (absolutely) aware of the importance and urgency of asking ourselves: what do I value the most in life, partnerships, career, daily choices, etc?! With Venus retrograde this is the perfect time for you to seriously (Capricorn) and deeply (conjoined Pluto) ask yourself these questions, get to the bottom-line of your core values and how much they might be changing. Cath up with them, ponder on them. Befriend them, for in a way, your values define who you are.

Uranian new moon in Leo today

As Saturn made its way back into my 3rd house again recently, I have been feeling this strong urge to express myself through writing. I also realised, once more, how much I actually love words and playing around with them.

Today is the new moon in Leo, with a waning square to Uranus in Taurus. I don’t know about you people, but I have been struggling a bit with the disruptive energies reflected by that particular configuration. Interestingly, I do have a Sun-Uranus square in my natal chart, shouldn’t I be more familiar with that type of cosmic weather?

I guess this logic makes sense, but it is always important to see the natal chart as a whole, and the Sun-Uranus square in my chart is actually part of a t square which involves Chiron in Gemini in the 7th house and Mars in the first.

Ouch!

Yes, charged disruption, restless feelings, behaviours that although outdated have proven to still be extremely compelling. All of that fuelled (perhaps fuelling at the same time) by miscommunication with others.

But that have also thrown me back to writing. I find tremendous solace in the written word. I have the time and space to express myself more accurately, more eloquently, sometimes even poetically… a real achievement to my analytical mind.

Transiting Saturn isn’t only back in my third house, but it is also applying to trine my Chiron in Gemini (with north node conjoined it right now!). Yes, maybe this is a time where I can work with communication blocks differently.

Obviously, with the nodes activating my natal super charged Uranian configuration, I also sense this to be a big time, a great opportunity for me to rethink/reset some of my patterns. Why do I have this extreme urge to do what I want, when I want, and I don’t take a no as an answer? Or the voice in the back of my mind that wants to sabotage intimate relationships by being uncompromising in a disguised manner? It is daunting to see this side of myself in comparison to my moon in Libra and Venus square Neptune, all those two want to do is compromise all the time.

A tug of war within.

But now, with this new moon square Uranus, I believe this is an interesting time for setting intentions regarding expression of the Uranian dimension of our charts. I somehow really think about the Sun-Uranus people out there as the new moon takes place in Leo.

Everything in the chart seems to be charged with tremendous power (some configurations more than others, of course) and it is our job to fine tune it. It is our job to use awareness to direct that power.

Surely it is challenging to do that constantly, but I believe that consciousness it’s like a muscle. The more we train it, the stronger and more present it becomes.

So I will be using this new moon to envision how I could express that strong urge to be my own man in a more creative and conscious manner, somehow, and hopefully, less taxing on my connections. Perhaps more active on my astrology work and less urgently and compulsively expressed in my private life. I feel this is what the alchemists have talked about, about how nature isn’t finalised but requires our conscious dedication to transform the lead into gold.

The archetype of the magician…also the trickster, hence the difficulty…but I believe it is possible… Happy new moon everyone.

Saturn and Inner Wisdom

Ok, so this writing just happened to me.

I was listening to music and having a cry when these words just started coming to me, so here they are.

But before that, just an astrological note. I see my Saturn in Scorpio being reflected in the text below, and when I recently found out (or maybe realised) that this planet sits exactly in the midpoint between my natal Venus square Neptune, I am convinced of its importance. Getting to know this Saturn and daring to integrate it a bit further seems to hold an important key for me and the potential success of my relationships. I think that the text below encapsulate a bit of it, a bit of my Saturn in Scorpio in the 12th at best.

Feeling things intensely isn’t the issue, the real issue is how we manage and work with the powerful energy that gets released/triggered with powerful emotions. Having someone that supports this process is of utter importance to me, for my growth and self-understanding. It is also paramount to not project and blame another for those feelings, either when they’re pleasant or unpleasant. Either way, we need taking a position of ownership rather than victimhood and to not act out onto another. 

The respect has to be mutual. 

It is clear to me that I cannot be with someone that cuts off emotions, or that find it all a bit too much. People that shy away from tears as if they’ve seen the antichrist disturbs me. Emotions are just that, something in motion, changeable. It is just a powerfully healing and transformative force. And I do not take the power of emotions for granted. This is why it is necessary to be like some sort of samurai, some kind of martial art master – to be brave enough to master your emotions. To ride them and see where the destination is, at least in that moment, for it changes from moment to moment. 

Bravery to be an observer of the change.

I see emotions like a powerful chariot, like the one in the Tarot, with a white and black horse pulling it around. Happy or sad, emotions drag us around, it pushes us to do things, to take chances, to cry in the bathroom when no one is looking. One thing is for sure, emotion is what heals, inflames, possess us at all times, so getting to know them, making them your acquaintance is, in my view, a positive way of relating with it. It is a powerfully transformative way of relating with your deepest and authentic self, of getting to know you…    

A little on midpoints

Astrology as a subject for research never ceases to amaze me.

I have currently been looking into midpoints a bit more and what a fascinating topic. My Moon in Libra, ultra sensitive towards symmetry and beauty, really seems to love the idea of a midpoint being a place where integration can happen.

For the ones reading this and thinking ‘what the hell are midpoints?’, it is a very simple concept, for instance every single point or planet in the horoscope, in relation to another, will have a half way – if mars in your chart is at 6 degrees Sag and your Venus is 26 Virgo the middle between the two is 1 Scorpio. Does that make sense? It is a simple mathematical calculation really. (there will be a further midpoint and a closer one, the closer is the most commonly used including to cast composite charts – another fascinating use of midpoints!)

In the astro.com website they say: ‘A midpoint marks the focal point at which the energies of two planets meet. If a third planet is conjunct this point it receives these energies and to a certain degree acts as a channel for them.’

Exactly!

It is very interesting, if you have a planet in the midpoint of two planets in an opposition (that would be a T square) or in between two planets forming a square, it could act not only as a ‘channel’ but also it could reflect a possible way out from the dichotomy and towards more inner integration.

I love how we can potentially discover new things as we continue our astrological learning journey, including discovering new placements and things about our own astrology chart that we did not notice before.

I have written about my currently progressed Venus forming a conjunction to natal Saturn and roughly how serious I have been feeling regarding love relationships and personal boundaries – well, as I researched the midpoints in my chart I realised that Saturn sits right in the midpoint of my natal square between Neptune and Venus!

How interesting! To me this placement is somehow quite hopeful. The more I work on my Saturn in order to integrate it further in my psyche, the more I can potentially become more solid and realistic in how I deal with others… I feel that my natal Saturn holds a potential key for practicing boundaries and realism when my Venus-Neptune combo gets too dreamy.

Has any of you found an important planet in between a natal square like this? Do you feel that that planet can help you out with the conundrum?

Prognostication as New Lenses

One of the things that I find most interesting regarding prognostic techniques in astrology is to see them as an opportunity to experience your natal chart differently. To have a temporary experience of how different certain placements are from what you know (especially regarding progressions/solar arc directions).

For instance I have a tight natal square between Venus and Neptune (with Venus being the ruler of my 7th house) and this has been very obvious in my love life. All of the classic stuff that we usually link to that kind of aspect: evasion, confusion, being the saviour or saved by someone else… my sometimes (many times to be honest) lack of discrimination has consistently put me into trouble.

It is not a surprise then that having my progressed Venus exactly conjoined natal Saturn has somehow been feeling refreshing (a word that we hardly imagine paired up with Saturn’s symbolism). But that’s how it partly feels to me. Suddenly I am more sober, more serious and unwilling to delude myself.

I want to see who is truly in front of me rather than dream about it. As I get older I am increasingly tired of the Neptunian fog that comprised my love life and this progression seems to reflect that. This time is an opportunity to learn Saturn-Venus lessons (transiting Saturn is also trine my natal Venus!).

And I welcome that right now!

The other day I had a date with someone and it was brilliant not to do anything, it was great to just hold and give myself time to slowly meet someone else. I told him I want to be friends and make sure we do have anything before becoming physical. I’ve never really done that before. It was great!

Sure I do feel isolated and alone at times (all of the Saturn stuff), but it somehow feels good being able to be with myself. I don’t want any illusions anymore, I’d rather isolate myself instead and concentrate on important things, like my dissertation (which I just started the process) and my astrological practice.

So whenever you see something like that coming up (progressed Venus on your Saturn), this could be a great opportunity, an antidote to an old pattern represented by the natal astrological symbol, like my Venus-Neptune for example.

Another Venus-Neptune post

We are all living in a liminal space at the moment, perhaps for this whole year. Around me I see people struggling with different things, some having financial problems, others psychological struggles, but everyone seems to be feeling the difficulties of a very charged moment of change (collectively and individually).

As I work on my dissertation’s topic and delve deeper into concepts like ‘peak experiences’, ‘enchantment’, ‘ecofeminism’, I realise how disconnected from each other and everything else we are as a society. I feel that it is exactly in the ‘illusion of separation’ that lies our troubles. And how are we going to work on that?! Are we even going to?!

Sometimes (most of the time) I think that our survival as a species depends on that, on this spiritual shift and realisation that we are all interconnected. The deep understanding that if someone is suffering in the room I too suffer. The notion that if we continue to exploit and usurp from the environment there will be consequences, as above so below – as within so without. The way we treat the environment reflects how we treat ourselves and each other.

Transiting Venus, the ruler of yesterday’s new moon in Libra, is just about to oppose Neptune and I feel flooded by these feelings and I somehow resent being in this world at this moment. I resent having to witness all the ugliness around me, the lack of solidarity and kindness. I feel alone and sad right now, hoping that I can transform this energy into fuel for something else…

New Moon and Venusian things

Happy New Moon everyone!

This one is quite a powerful one personally as it activates my natal Venus (which happens to be in the midpoint of my Sun-Moon, and also square to Neptune-Jupiter).

I actually have been overly aware of everything Venusian, together with my already mentioned eagerness to have a home. In fact, they’re both connected as my natal Moon is ruled by Venus.

Dreaming about having a beautiful home (that’s a good phrase for the Venus-Neptune-Moon combo…) and I guess that it won’t be much longer until I move into my new flat. I am so excited about that, I could scream!

Perhaps this is the beginning of my midlife crisis, me wanting to settle down a bit more and being tired of travelling much. Or maybe that’s my progressed/solar arc ascendant moving to Capricorn. All I wanna do is to have my beautiful base and to work and study. At least for now, that’s how I feel.

Regarding the New Moon Venus stuff, with also lots of trines from the Capricorn transiting planets as well as progressed Venus conjoined my natal Saturn, I feel more pragmatic and rational when it comes to love. At least so it seems.

It’s like I have taken down my rose tinted glasses for a bit and it feels good. My new mantra is: from now on, they will have to EARN (I can hear Saturn here!) my respect, time and attention. No more freebies! No more projecting my worth; validation needs to come from within.

I guess that I will always be a Venus Square Neptune person, but throughout life I believe that we can fine tune our natal aspects into a more refined way of expression. I enjoy the potential for compassion, forgiveness and unconditional love that the Venus-Neptune combo can reflect; and I also love art and beauty.

I am planning to learn how to play the guitar when Neptune opposes my natal Venus in a couple of years; maybe that’s a good way of negotiating with the universe in order not to fall into a massive delusion again and again and again… ? Have you ever ‘negotiated’ challenging transits to difficult points in your natal chart before? How did that go?

Venus-Neptune rant

After much tension for the last couple of weeks here I am to write another blog post. This one I think is more of a need for self expression than anything else.

I feel confused and not sure about how to proceed, where should I be or how should I deal with my situation now. My natal Venus Square Neptune has been transited by Pluto and Saturn for some time, with my progressed Venus just about to conjoin natal Saturn, and I do feel this is potentially a big time of learning. Learning about boundaries and self worth, learning about my self-delusion tendencies in love, etc. Learning to get hold of my longings and to not project into a potential partner.

But these days I met an ex lover and all of that knowing and self awareness sort of went down the drain. I’ve always made a point in meeting past lovers after sometime just to complete the process of getting over someone. Just to see how much that person does not have a hold on me anymore. Banishing someone I like from my life forever, has never been my way of dealing with a broken heart.

But what do we do when even after not seeing someone for 5 years you realise that you still have strong feelings for that person? How can that even be possible? I feel like I’ve had so many lives for the past five years, so much travelling, moving cities, jobs, doing a masters, different relationships, etc. So much has happened, so much growth. How is it possible to still have strong feelings for someone that I thought I left behind long ago?

He is one of the only people I’ve met that I felt completely comfortable sleeping beside me, I didn’t feel restless and could manage to go into deep sleep quite easily. Many of his personal planets fall into my 12th house and I have the feeling that that reflects an access that he has to my unconscious, which is quite nice for sleeping. I don’t know. It actually feels like he has free access to my soul, and that’s the trouble. How can you let go of a connection of this kind?

Although a lot of good things are happening in my life at the moment, I feel sad. I wonder what is the point of having such a strong and deep link with someone if you’re not able to pursue and explore it further. Grow together. Why? What is the point in learning about letting go of someone you like so much, knowing that they feel similarly towards you?

Not meant to be? What does that even mean? …

Full Moon in Aquarius and Authenticity

Im not sure how I missed out the fact that the coming full moon will be exactly conjoined my natal IC in Aquarius this coming Monday.

I guess that when you start studying astrology you become so keen that you never miss something like that, but once you have been studying it consistently for a few years, you then start to take the fast moving transits a bit for granted. Or maybe you just realise that every month there will be a new moon, and a full moon, etc…

But lunations do trigger long lasting transits, solar arc directions and secondary progressions. They have a way of emotionally intensifying whatever it is that you are going through.

I am working on my last assignment before my masters’ thesis and it happens to be a sky journal, a piece of phenomenological research on my observations of how the weather affects me emotionally. One of the themes that came up from the exercise is the awareness of a strong connection between weather x culture, home and belonging.

Lots of food for thought and it amazes me that for my last essay I am doing such a personal piece of work which enables me to explore an issue that feels so urgent to me right now. What and where is home? All of the internal work that took place during the transit from Pluto to my natal Moon still hasn’t given me the answer. I feel closer to finding it out maybe, but the concept of home still eludes me…

Back to the full moon though.

I have the feeling that this full moon will be triggering and challenging to reveal the amount of authenticity in our lives at the moment. Are we really in the right place? Are we really being ourselves in whatever situation that we are going through?

The full moon will be square to Uranus in Taurus and Venus (ruler of Taurus) might have some clues on how to solve the dilemma represented by this t square. Venus is in Gemini and very close to the North Node, so allowing people the space needed to find out what they need to find out, rationality and open communication afterwards might be what we need. Perhaps there is something that we will need to communicate regarding the process that Venus retrograde was reflecting earlier this year as well. Also these days Venus formed the last of 3 squares to Neptune (which started in May), and some resolutions regarding previous confusion might be a possibility with this full moon as well.

What are your values, what is important to you in order to feel loved? Are you happy with the flow of give and take in your relationships or are you giving more than receiving? And if that’s the case, why? These are some of the questions worth asking ourselves now..

Neptunian longings …

Im feeling tremendously nostalgic as I prepare myself emotionally to move on from the past six months spent in Brazil. Its like I already miss everything around here so much…

Then I looked into the astrological chart of this moment and realised that the Sun is exactly conjoined Neptune in the sky. I tend to feel the Sun as a big spotlight that illuminates whatever else it touches, so in that sense, Neptune is really under the spotlight right now.

My melancolia has this Piscean Neptune’s signature.

I have always found hard to write about Neptune but Liz Greene’s book on Neptune really helped me understanding this archetypal dimension of life a bit more. She talked about it in relationship to a few different possibilities/themes like for example martyrdom, victimisation, art, transcendence, nostalgia, the scapegoat, and many other dimensions, including the longing to go back to the source.

This is such a complex and yet simple idea to think about, the longing to be in union with everything once again, a sense that resonates with the experience of being in the womb. It touches one of the main points regarding Neptune I believe, for Neptune really talks about our boundaries being easily dissolved. Compassion is a potential manifestation of this phenomena, but victimisation, a less pleasant one, is also a possibility when Neptune features strongly. They are two sides of the same coin.

With transiting Sun in an exact conjunction to Neptune I think that our longings are bound to come to the surface now. In my case is connected with the sense of belonging and searching for home, but I think that this might be a coverup to this deeper longing to stay in union, to go back and swim in the waters of the goddess’s womb. To be one again.

Today and tomorrow, and perhaps for this whole lunation cycle so rich in Neptunian energy since the New Moon was also conjoined with Neptune, we would do well in being aware of this longing underneath what we think we need. We would do well also in honouring this energy consciously by writing poetry, or painting, or appreciating beautiful music… anything that can help us dissolve the boundaries in a constructive way…

How are you feeling?   …