Reflections in the darkness

(Written last night)

There was a thunderstorm here earlier today and we are still out of electricity, it has probably been around 5 hours and a half already (already?) and time moves very slow. These words just made me think about the energy reflected by the symbolism of Uranus, which is usually linked to electricity and lightning bolt speed insights.

Uranus and boredom don’t go very well, in my vision.

Interesting to see myself without all of these gadgets that electric power enables us to have on our daily life, our daily routines. How much of my experience of reality changes, how much more presence can I feel versus how much more boredom? Or do I feel as much boredom in my daily life but just have a myriad of different options of gadgets that serves best as a distraction for myself and, at the same time, a distraction from myself?

For now, I still have my laptop, though with only 20 per cent of battery, so a few more ‘not sure how many minutes’ moments for me, and I just caught myself writing this and moving my thoughts again to ‘when will the electricity finally come back’?

It’s helpless.

But another interesting idea that just came to my mind is observing how much more limited having a laptop without wifi is. What really is the internet? This blob of connections with a massive capacity for keeping information, sort of like a giant invisible brain that forms and keeps connections. Infinite connections. Infinite combinations and possibilities?

And then there is me here, disconnected. But I somehow hear the sounds of my neighbours more clearly, and the children laughing at a distance, I think they might be playing on the street? Sounds like they’re having fun. There is electricity on that side though and I wonder if the laughter is caused by a distraction or by more presence in playful games. Sounds like they’re running.

And I listen. And I also hear my thoughts, and my feelings seem to be a little louder by candlelight. I’m not really sure.

Coming back to what perhaps my first idea in writing this piece was on and the relationship to astrology and some material that I’ve been recently reading on ‘Deep Ecology’. I read a very interesting paper where the author critically discusses the relationship between ‘Social justice’, ‘Mysticism’ and ‘Deep Ecology’ and different possible combinations between the three. For example, sometimes criticising mysticism and at other times arguing that the feeling underlining mystical experiences is the same feeling described by Deep Ecology and is a requirement for a change of paradigm powerful enough to promote the social changes we are so much in need for. (or is this the idealism of Uranus speaking through me here?)

I excitedly ask myself if astrology can promote a mystical experience by reconnecting us with the cosmos and the sense of unity which always seems to be importantly present in the description of these kinds of experiences. Maybe I will pursue this question in my dissertation.

Anyway, my insight is that this year of 2020 seems to be an important one regarding ecology and collective change especially reflected by Saturn and Jupiter conjunction in Aquarius that will happen later on this year. And how can we make these necessary changes without changing ourselves first? Impossible I believe.

How can we become greener in our psyches? And I don’t mean here becoming greener by only cutting down your consume of meat or plastic, although these changes on routine and priorities are also an important part of the process. I mean doing the inner work at the same time. Changing our old patterns of thinking and behaviour, becoming more conscious and elevated in our self-awareness and relationship to each other and to the world around us.

And how is that process going for you?

Only 15 per cent of battery left for me and still no sign of electricity. Dogs are now barking in the background. And I listen.

Not just another Saturn-Pluto post…

The building up of the conjunction between Saturn and Pluto is happening and Im feeling more and more excited about ideas and compelled to write more as well. (The stellium in Capricorn is transiting my third house at the moment!)

The other day I had orgasmic sensations, not joking, when I had the thought that I would like to write my dissertation on mystical experiences, astrology and deep ecology. Im in the process of communicating with my tutors and enquiring about the feasibility of my ideas, at the moment it looks like is too much of a big theme for a master thesis. On another hand, I still have time to reformulate and polish it up so it hopefully becomes more achievable. I love the idea of including deep ecology into my dissertation for this is such an important theme right now.

I think that the conjunction between Pluto and Saturn also reflects the importance of thinking and contributing with research that can enlighten and enhance our relationship with nature and mental health as well… I have very strong feelings towards this. And Im thinking about researching on what might be the role of astrology in this process, if any.

After I wrote my last essay on ‘peak experience’ and astrology I realised that one of the main ideas that connects both is a sort of dependency on a feeling of interconnection between everything. In a similar way, I think that deep ecology’s backbone also relies on the premise that everything is part of a greater system, regardless the illusory sense of separation that we have most of the time. Based on this premise, investing our energy in a system that prioritise competition above cooperation is a fallacy and a threat to, not only our physical and mental health, but also to the myriad of existing ecosystems.

What can we do about it? I think that this question is one of the most pertinent ones during this great conjunction between Pluto and Saturn in Capricorn… and I also feel that whatever this conjunction is activating in your chart is reflecting where you can contribute the most for the changes that we are collectively in need of making. The changes that you successfully facilitate in yourself now will have an impact on the collective change.

This is our responsibility (Saturn) in the regeneration (Pluto) of our social structures and values (Capricorn).

How are you doing after yesterday’s eclipse? Im feeling wonderfully excited. Hope you are all doing well.

 

An Astrologer’s wishes for 2019

The heat in Brazil is so strong that for most of the day I cannot do much. Sometimes it feels like my brain is melting.

For the last five or six years I consciously went through a Pluto transit to my natal Moon and this is the first time that I came back since. Everything looks and feels strange and familiar at the same time.

That strange familiar feeling of not belonging strongly remains.

I miss my home in England.

I am enjoying some things here, but after couple of weeks its clear to me that many of the structures, customs, opinions, ideas, ideals, cultural identity… have all changed to me? Sao Paulo somehow feels largely small?

Since 2012 I went through multiple transits, I’ve had my first Saturn return and transits from all 3 outer planets to my personal planets. I’ve been dissolved, dismembered and initiated into adulthood. Much pain and suffering was met on the way, but looking at myself in the mirror I can see that it was worth it.

I believe that if we don’t adapt to the seasons we can’t make the most of it. The idea of intermittent happiness to be pursued in life is a fallacy. But being stuck in a loop of sadness for too long can also be damaging.

Nature and its cycles have much to teach us. Accepting and taking action that is aligned with our personal cycle is one of the biggest lessons that I’ve learnt in the last 5 years. (Not that it was easy or that I have ceased to struggle with it. But I feel incredibly aware of it now.) Even if the action is by not taking any action. (something that can also be very challenging in a society that emphasises doing and achievement so strongly!)

So in this New Year Eve, close to a New Moon in Capricorn, my wish is that we can all learn how to be deeply rooted in ourselves, how to feel, trust, and follow the natural wisdom of our cycles, and, in this way, develop more authenticity in a mature and solid manner.

Then, and only then (I feel), we are going to be able to, genuinely, have a positive impact in our society, planet, cosmos, universe… whatever needed.

Happy new year!

 

Obscure times…

I am sat at my table with everything ready to start writing my first essay for the university, but instead of doing that, Im catching myself trying to understand what is going on in the world.

I am wondering what is prompting us to give rise, and our votes, to the far right and what it seems like a speech, and ideology, against minority, diversity and the environment? Obviously not all of us are doing this, but it seems like the majority of us are, otherwise people like Donald Trump and Bolsonaro would not have been elected president in their respective countries.

I feel overwhelmed with the amount of arguments between people in the social media and with the bigger picture of what is happening.

Astrologically speaking, I am wondering what does the conjunction between Saturn and Pluto in Capricorn in couple of years time will be reflecting. Pluto/Saturn in Capricorn does feel like the consequences of the abuse of power, death and destruction, could become more clear. What will happen to the environment after years of exploitation? Are we heading towards our own destruction?

6 planets going retrograde! (+ Chiron)

The last two weeks seemed to have been especially intense.

I haven’t particularly observed the effect of many planets travelling in retrograde motion together, but it is interesting to see that we have currently 6 planets plus Chiron moving backwards at the moment.

For the last 18 years (I only checked until the year 2000!) the outer planets (Uranus, Neptune and Pluto) have had a period of retrogradation together during the month of August, so this isn’t new right now.

During this month I’ve always felt a strong energy of rethinking and checking with myself what direction should I be taking in my life. But my birthday is also in August, so this is probably a major influence, I think.

{The solar return (what we call birthday) is an important time for reevaluating your sense of purpose and expressing/reconnecting with your core self more authentically. So I’ve never thought much of August’s outer planets retrogradation.}

But if we think about it though, there is an interesting energy in August. A quiet and yet transformative energy is in the air, when the seasons are once more drastically beginning to change (from summer to autumn, or winter to spring in the Southern Hemisphere). At least the building up for the change is starting to happen.

The outer planets astrologically reflect different forces of collective change. Collective longings and yearnings tend to be revisited in the month of August I suppose?

What seems to be new though (and most probably not entirely new), is Saturn, Mars and Mercury joining in this year’s period of revisiting and reconnecting with the collective/big changes.

I feel that we (specially westerners) tend to struggle with these periods of introspection and no action, reflected astrologically by the retrograde planets. We are socially conditioned to believe that being active and productive is the only way to guarantee a successful and meaningful life.

We prioritise doing rather than being.

My last two weeks have been difficult because taking time out is something that does not come easily. We have to work and socialise …  really, there is always so much to be done that feelings of guilt creeps in whenever we are doing nothing without being ill or having a good excuse for the lack of activity …

With 6 planets currently going on retrograde motion what we need most is silence. It is a break from the over stimulation that we expose ourselves to on a daily basis.

I feel that the cosmos is reflecting a moment in the cycle of life where contemplating is more urgent than going forward. This is the moment to stop and re-access where you’re at in your life, where you’re at in your process of growth.

It is a time to take time and reorganise yourself.

 

 

Saturn stabilising energy

I have been meaning to come back here for quite a while but just didn’t manage.

In the last month I’ve developed a taste for the magazine “Womankind” (amazingly beautiful and ad free, full of really interesting articles and interviews), continued reading books and worked on developing my new routine in the community Im living and working since February this year.

Since Pluto has made the last square to my natal Moon things seem to have settled within and without.

My boyfriend also got a job as a cook and has moved here with me since around March. We’ve met in July 2016, when Pluto was making the third or forth square to my Moon, and we have been developing what for me is the most authentic, challenging and rewarding partnership that I’ve ever had.

Since Pluto moved from the 2nd to the 3rd house in my chart issues connected with money and self sufficiency are slowly fading. I feel secure and quite solid materially speaking, which is a very different place to be compared to the last 6 years of insecurity and little money to spend.

I can buy things now. I can also invest money in education or travels if I wish to do so. (Jupiter is placed in the second house in my horoscope, can you tell?)

It is very interesting to observe how feelings and themes are constantly shifting in a synchronous dance with the cosmos.

Going from these long lasting years of emotional breakdown and a tragic, and intense, feeling of insecurity and death to regained confidence and solidity.

From transiting Pluto square natal Moon to transiting Saturn trine natal Mercury and Sun (with Uranus heading towards a trine to those natal planets as well).

I feel strong and capable. I also see recognition being bestowed upon myself in the community and at work. Me and my boyfriend have been offered a little wonderful house in the grounds where we work. We are finally going to have the chance to live on our own within the community.

And the house is amazing, with beautiful big windows facing the forest.

We move in less than a month.

Life has a funny way of developing if we dare allowing it enough space to do so.

Now in the last few days I’ve been contemplating applying for a master in cultural astronomy and astrology. I somehow feel that this could be a wonderful way of expressing these supportive and earthy transits that I am going through.

At my job I also have the opportunity for writing projects for training courses and I feel that this master course will perhaps be giving me much needed food for thought and inspiration.

I had my eye on this master degree for a while but was put off by my lack of stability and material security. How can I concentrate and write essays when Im not sure if I can pay the rent in the end of the month?

 

 

Splits in the psyche

Im almost all settled down in my new home in the Forest of Dean.

It’s interesting to see that, albeit somewhat painful, the process of moving really keep us in check with how much we have accumulated in our lives.

I don’t mean only material stuff but also stories and feelings…

Every time I move (and I have been moving quite a lot, compared to my childhood, in the last 10 years) I always make that a ritual for getting in touch with my deeper self.

The unchanging self that keeps me going.

I do that through reading passages of my (many) journals while I put them in a box to take with me.

Even though the rational-analytical in me is very strong, I can also sense a powerful emotional undercurrent happening in the process.

With many of my personal planets in Mutable signs I see changes as an important and necessary part of life. But in a strange way they also trigger a feeling of getting closer to death.

I can see my Ascendant in Scorpio playing its part in how I initiate things.

Death and grief are mixed up with the joy and excitement that guided me in making the decision to change in first place…

Mutable signs versus fixed signs in the astrological chart can reflect one of the potential splits in our psyche.

And Im writing this post in an attempt to give voice and integrate these two distinct sides in me.

 

In between worlds

Im on a haze.

It has been challenging to concentrate in the last couple of months and again I find myself struggling to keep up with my writing.

The full super blue blood moon eclipse on the 31 of January at 11 degrees Leo/Aquarius (bang on my MC/IC) has been truly intense.

It culminated with me finding out that I got the job at the Forest of Dean and everything in my life (regarding home and belonging) changes once more.

I am happy… and although surprisingly busy with astrology work, I just can’t seem to be able to focus a hundred per cent in my career at this moment.

Readings and lectures are going quite well but my process of change and becoming is taking over for now. The whole Pluto-Moon stuff that has been happening within me still going strong.

I would love to be doing and writing more, but there doesn’t seem to be much separation between my process of growth and the services that I can offer people. And at the moment, growth and change takes me over.

I have been reading a lot about greek mythology and psychology though, and have a strong feeling regarding a master course on the subject.

We will see.

For now, Im in between worlds. And that’s that.

Acceptance.

 

Never give up to feel your way…

Capricorn season is on and interestingly I’ve been seeing a few different posts on social media advising never to give up or stating that there is never the “right time”, it’s all about forcing your way through.

I understand that cultivating will power and determination can be empowering, especially for the strong Capricorn/Saturnian people out there.

But my intuition says that there is a fine line between the positive and the more shadowy manifestations of it.

I feel that many of the transformative lessons reflected by current Pluto transiting Capricorn is somehow connected with the other end of the axis, Cancer and self-care.

Cancer is the astrological sign that I mostly connected with the archetype of the great mother, it is ruled by the Moon which, in the sky, is our most obvious reflection of natural cycles and changes.

It’s no news that the 28 days cycle of the Moon resonates with the 28 days of the female cycle.

Every month it reminds us that we also wax and wane, and that expecting to be productive and strong willed every day is unrealistic and potentially damaging.

How many years, I, oblivious to my cyclic nature, have felt guilty and tried forcing activity when what I needed most was resting and paying attention to my inner visions.

Same about seasons.

How many fruits can you reap during winter time, when the trees are resting and concentrating energy in its roots under the ground?!

We are not machines, we also need our restful phases and I do believe that, like everything in the natural world, there is a right time to do things.

Reconnecting with our intuition, the feminine within, will provide us with guidance. But for that to happen, we need to learn how to shut our overly busy minds up and listen to our body.