I’ve been back in London for over a week and I’m already thinking about going away again.
I know this is no news, considering that one of the only things that has been quite clear to me is that my life in London is gone.
I also know that I am very lucky for having somewhere to stay that is so chilled, perfect for my needs at the moment, and for as long as I want. (my eccentric friend is making sure to tell me that I can stay for as long as I want and not to worry about anything as he seems to truly appreciate my company.)
“We are driven either by achievement and perfectionism, or by their flip side, worthlessness and self-loathing, to play out our ideas of how things should be rather than learning to experience directly the pain or the pleasure of how things are.”
This quote is from the book I am reading at the moment, “Yoga and the quest for the true Self” by Stephen Cope.
Pluto has been transiting my second house for several years and after transiting my natal Moon it will finally make its way into the 3rd house of my horoscope. Pluto started transiting my second house in my early 20’s when I was at university studying history. At that time I had just got my first official job in an archive and I remember feeling overwhelmed by the idea of how to spend my salary. There were so many things that I could buy and be left with no money afterwards. I remember feeling confused passing by so many stores with their strong appeal for consumerism on my bus ride to Uni. I remember my uneasy feeling for having an identity that seemed quite flaky, dependant on something external that from one moment to another could be completely gone.
I wasn’t aware of the deeper questions that were beginning to rise. At that time, I could purely sense them.
I was suddenly a consumer on my own right. No more asking my parents if I could have something or not. I felt a tremendous weight of responsibility for the choices I could be making as if I could instinctively sense what the next few years of Pluto transiting my second house would be about. As if I could sense the latent quest for my true values.
I’ve been struggling with money for most of this time. In the process of understanding what is truly important to me I have been basing my choices in what seems priorities to me, even if most of the time that goes against the common belief that security or value equals money in your bank account. My impulse and need to become myself is so strong that it constantly forces me to challenge my fears.
And that leads us back to the quote I wrote sometime earlier in the text. The book I’m reading now is proving to be such an inspiration after my encounter with yoga and sustained daily practice. I feel more and more centered in myself. I feel less and less the need for outer reality to confirm the false sense of self, that I should be “successful” in whatever way. That I should be somewhere I’m not at the moment.
Almost at the end of Pluto transiting my second house is becoming more and more unbearable to do something that I don’t resonate with, that I don’t truly value, just for the money.
Because money isn’t the definition of what is valuable to me.