Venus-Neptune rant

by with 6 Comments Astrology and meInner life

After much tension for the last couple of weeks here I am to write another blog post. This one I think is more of a need for self expression than anything else.

I feel confused and not sure about how to proceed, where should I be or how should I deal with my situation now. My natal Venus Square Neptune has been transited by Pluto and Saturn for some time, with my progressed Venus just about to conjoin natal Saturn, and I do feel this is potentially a big time of learning. Learning about boundaries and self worth, learning about my self-delusion tendencies in love, etc. Learning to get hold of my longings and to not project into a potential partner.

But these days I met an ex lover and all of that knowing and self awareness sort of went down the drain. I’ve always made a point in meeting past lovers after sometime just to complete the process of getting over someone. Just to see how much that person does not have a hold on me anymore. Banishing someone I like from my life forever, has never been my way of dealing with a broken heart.

But what do we do when even after not seeing someone for 5 years you realise that you still have strong feelings for that person? How can that even be possible? I feel like I’ve had so many lives for the past five years, so much travelling, moving cities, jobs, doing a masters, different relationships, etc. So much has happened, so much growth. How is it possible to still have strong feelings for someone that I thought I left behind long ago?

He is one of the only people I’ve met that I felt completely comfortable sleeping beside me, I didn’t feel restless and could manage to go into deep sleep quite easily. Many of his personal planets fall into my 12th house and I have the feeling that that reflects an access that he has to my unconscious, which is quite nice for sleeping. I don’t know. It actually feels like he has free access to my soul, and that’s the trouble. How can you let go of a connection of this kind?

Although a lot of good things are happening in my life at the moment, I feel sad. I wonder what is the point of having such a strong and deep link with someone if you’re not able to pursue and explore it further. Grow together. Why? What is the point in learning about letting go of someone you like so much, knowing that they feel similarly towards you?

Not meant to be? What does that even mean? …

Brief catch up

by with 2 Comments Astrology and meInner life

I have been feeling a bit nostalgic and melancholic lately. The current global crisis, even with its promises of a positive much needed change, it’s taking its toll on me, most probably on all of us.

Social distancing is proving to be more challenging than I thought it would be. I miss the people I love, I miss hugs and physical contact, I miss the quiet presence of someone else in the room.

When we isolate I believe that we meet whatever is placed in our natal 12th house, and here I am, having my daily meetings with Saturn and Pluto in Scorpio lately.

Don’t get me wrong though, I appreciate the power that both, specially Saturn, seems to have in my chart and in my psyche, and I see it playing out in every deadline that I manage to meet for my masters for example. But there is also something heavy here, something deeply heavy and serious and melancholic.

I feel the deepest feelings when Im on my own and people bring lightness into my life. Somehow that’s how it works and the configuration of Pluto-Saturn in the twelfth versus Moon-Venus in the eleventh is a reflection of what it seems to be my experience.

I can sense that we are onto something big right now, perhaps something to do with the potential for positive realisations which will then enable us to actualise it once we are free to move and get together again. I don’t know.

All I know is that I feel for everyone out there in isolation as well and how this might be challenging your mental, physical and spiritual health, not to mention the ones that are, and have always been, suffering from the many unfairnesses of a system in decadence. I feel for you, for us all.

And I hope that during this most extraordinary time of disruption and change we can all make the most of it and come out empowered, so we can co-create a better reality for us all, including for the animals and nature in general.

 

Jupiterianism and the academia.

by with No Comment Astrology and meProfessional Astrologer

This is a strong Jupiterian time for me.

Transiting Jupiter is making an exact conjunction to my ascendant, while transiting Saturn is conjunct my natal Jupiter.

Interestingly, my Solar Arc Venus has just moved into Scorpio and is forming a conjunction to my natal Pluto in the 12th house. I have been aware of this change for a long time and wondered what would that be reflecting in practical terms.

I thought maybe a crisis in my relationship, falling in love with someone else, an obsessive passion of some kind, perhaps my partner would fall in love with someone else.

It turns out, at least for now, that the obsession that Im getting myself into is actually researching the esoteric in the academia!

Jupiter in my chart rules the 2nd, 5th house and the South Node and I remember in 2009/2010, when transiting Pluto was conjunct my Jupiter, I had a sort of “awakening” regarding my interest in the occult.

I started researching it more deeply.

It was when I learned how to read tarot cards, when I got in touch with Jungian ideas for the first time, when I started understanding astrology with more depth.

Both Saturn and Pluto in Scorpio (the sign connected with the Occult) are placed in the 12th house in my chart and I think about Gaquelin’s connection of Saturn in the 12th with research (he says this placement is common in Scientists).

I have started a master degree in Cultural Astronomy and Astrology (slowly, as a part time Postgraduate certificate student first) and the amount of (academic) reading that I have done already is quite incredible.

Transiting Pluto, after the last hit to my natal Moon (which, by the way, rules the 9th house of higher education in my chart), made its way to my 3rd house (of reading, writing, ideas, etc) and it is going to be there for quite a while now. My progressed moon has moved into the 3rd also and transiting Saturn will move there sometime next year.

I can sense how much the intellectual stimulation, by exposing myself to academic work on the esoteric and the classics (Im currently reading Plato’s Timaeus for this week’s discussion in class), will have an impact on how I think and communicate, without even mentioning the impact on my work as an astrologer.

I know this journey is going to be really powerful and it is so exciting that a lot of the time I feel like screaming inside.

I think this is a good sign…

Brainstorming Uranus in Taurus..

by with One Comment Astrological InsightsAstrology and me

Another busy week has gone by and Im feeling thankful for the well deserved rest ahead.

This week I went through a myriad of strong(ish) emotions.

Uranus has moved into Taurus forming an exact opposition to my 12th Pluto (co-ruler of my chart) and I could sense old issues welling up to consciousness once more.

I’ve been seriously studying/researching/practicing astrology for quite a few years now, and that has allowed me to identify certain themes connected with each configuration in my natal chart. And also to realise how they get triggered each time by different transits and progressions.

Lately I’ve been touching strange and uncomfortable states and feelings that most probably not only go back to the time I’ve spent in the womb, but very likely is also imprinted in the female lineage in my family.

I don’t particularly want to go too deep into that right now. But it is interesting to see the contents of the 12th house as being experienced for the first time during your mother’s pregnancy.

(I heard this for the first time in a talk presented by Faye Cossar at the LSA in London a few years ago and the idea resonated with me very much.)

Anyway, yesterday night, whilst having difficulties to sleep, I started brainstorming what could Uranus in Taurus be symbolically speaking of now.

Uranus reflects sudden change and revolution, disruption and breaking free from everything that holds us back. Uranus also resonates with processes of awakening and individuation.

I feel that while Uranus was transiting Aries (from 2011 until recently) it was asking from us to develop a stronger sense of individuality and “selfishness”. To develop your character and to do what you want independently of what other people think of you. To fight your own battles while developing a new sense of “I”, less dependent on others inputs.

And now, as a continuation in the process, perhaps Uranus in Taurus reflects a time for building something new from that fresh new sense of “individualness”.

It seems to me that Uranus in Taurus reflects a period of time when our most cherished values regarding security are going to be challenged and transformed. Attachments to jobs, relationships and situations that are preventing you from developing your individuality further will probably be removed in one way or another.

Perhaps this is a great time to invest more energy into building solidity and security within rather than without.

Pluto as a family share…

by with 9 Comments Astrology and meInner life

My mother’s chart ruler is Mercury conjunct Pluto in Leo in the 12th house.

When I think of this configuration I sense a split. Leo’s fiery energy somehow drowning in the contents of the 12th house, the most elusive of all.

The need to shine its uniqueness lost in union.

It feels like the sense of self is achieved only through, somehow, the transcendence of it.

Leo behind the scenes?

I am currently reading Lynn Bell’s book about planetary threads and family patterns and   it is blowing me away.

The idea that each and every family has a certain myth (or perhaps a number of them), and that we are all playing it out again and again, really fascinates me.

Im thinking of Pluto again. Pluto and my family.

I have Pluto at 0 degrees in the 12th house. My brother has a t-square involving Pluto. Both my grandparents, from my mother’s side, have Pluto at 0 degrees.

And my mother with her Mercury conjunct Pluto in Leo in the 12th.

So many times I felt like I was touching on very deep seated stuff. Stuff that goes beyond my personal, conscious life.

We inherit so much more than just our parents looks!

Lynn Bell talks about the possibility of being fated to (consciously or unconsciously) heal wounds from many generations before.

During this Pluto transit to my Moon I became aware, through my own body, of so many of my mother’s fears .

I could write more on the subject, but for now my split between self-expression and privacy is somehow speaking louder. It’s also a bit late now.

Perhaps another time…

Thoughts on 12th house

by with 9 Comments Astrology and me

Yesterday I had an interesting day.

I’ve been volunteering at the library and connecting with people talking about astrology. Sometimes even giving them short readings when they show interest, which is proving to be very rewarding to me.

So at the end of the day and after taking a look on what is supposed to be a “very good  book in astrology” recommended by the swami at school, I decided to write a little about the 12th house. I think that the 12th house is the most mysterious and misunderstood house in the horoscope. Yes, you still find simplistic views on the other houses too, like 8th house other people’s money or second house your own money. But I think that no other house gets such a bad reputation in the usual explanation like the 12th does. People with jam packed 12th houses probably feel very disempowered, maybe scared even, after reading all those famous cook books in astrology and themes like mental illnesses,  prisons and hospitals, hidden enemies…and the disgraceful list goes on…

One thing that I find to be very important when you see 12th house planets in someone’s horoscope is solitude. That person in front of you really needs a great amount of quality time alone. If we think that the 12th house has a resonance with the piscean and neptunian archetype and what they all share is somewhat the dissolution and urge to transcend barriers, there are usually issues regarding boundaries for these people. It’s hard to separate your thoughts from other people’s when you have Mercury in Pisces or making a strong aspect to Neptune but also and specially if your Mercury is in the 12th house. It’s equally hard to discriminate your sense of anxiety or fear from what you’re picking up in the crowd when you have Saturn placed in the 12th.

The 12th house has also a connection with the womb and our experience inside our mothers so then again we have this sense of merging.

When I have clients with strong 12th house I always speak about their sensitivity to others and the environment, suggesting being more in tune with their need to be alone in order to reestablish a connection with themselves. I think that not realising this necessity is when the “hidden enemies” can show up, most of it unconscious behaviour that also connects with the classic theme of self undoing and the 12th house.