Out of sync

I’ve been out of sync in the last month. Definitely too much going on around here and inside me.

Tomorrow I’m finally graduating from the first level yoga course that I’ve been doing since January here in Thailand. I was pretty busy with that and with the second exact hit of transiting Pluto square to my natal Moon also taking place in January.

The first one, in March 2015, was connected with me leaving my home in London and many realisations about my mother bringing a lot of old anger back to the surface. (Also with the break up of an important relationship)

The second one had me practicing yoga twice a day for six days a week and a physical breakdown for 5 days that they call “process of purification”. There is definitely something really powerful about yoga and practicing it with awareness. I got pretty sick for those 5 days and all that I wanted was, funny enough, my mother! For the first time in years I really wanted to be with her and truly missed her care and love. I can totally see the connection there, the healing taking place while a lot of toxic energy was making its way out of my body. We spoke on Skype, me and my mother, everyday during that week like we haven’t done it in a really long time.

I’m now feeling a lot better. My mind is much more clearer and lucid than when I arrived in the island. A lot less emotional clutter, even my body is lighter as I’ve lost some weight with the combination of yoga and the sickness.

I have no doubt that I’ve made the right decision about coming here to do this course during this Pluto transit. I highly recommend to everyone having a strong Pluto transit to go for some kind of powerful detox process, a course like this or some kind of retreat. Whatever catches your attention, go for it. You won’t regret. It really helps the purging process and makes you feel a lot lighter afterwards.

This transit still an ongoing process for me, with the last and longer hit on the second half of this year. I have no idea what’s going to happen. What I know is that I’ve quit smoking and feel much lighter at the moment. Almost like a little glimpse of what could be the feeling at the end of this whole process of death and rebirth. Its exciting as well as profound and demanding. What can make a great difference is the awareness that enable you to make wiser choices to facilitate the process of purification represented symbolically by Pluto. Resisting this process isn’t the best attitude and I believe it can only make things more painful. The amount of resistance equals the necessary violence applied to make a change..

Mouldy peaches

I dreamt that I had missed my flight and woke up disturbed. The day started in a funny way but now it has gone from funny to frustrating at the very least. I’ve been spending most of my hours today trying to get rid of the mould that to my horror is growing everywhere in my room. It’s good that I just realised what was going on under my nose though, I think that I prevented myself from loosing most of my stuff. Man, everything had already a foul smell that somehow resembles the smell of mushrooms. Argh…

Well, with my Mercury in Virgo, this whole situation got me thinking about what Liz Greene said in one of her books (which one I can’t remember exactly now) about using daily life situations to be interpreted symbolically in the same way as with dream analysis. And suddenly I can totally see a symbolic relation between Pluto in Capricorn heading for the second square to my Moon in Libra and my mouldy room. Something that has grown in the darker corners of my (temporary) home must be dealt with! The feeling of powerlessness in the situation, the unpleasant surprise.

It also made me think about better ways of tackling the inevitable, or what could be my best conduct in this situation. For instance I could just have ignored the humidity and bad smell and in 2 months and a half I would have had the unhappy surprise of loosing everything for good, possibly including my passport that was inside my backpack. (Not considering my health also). How traumatic would that have been?

Another road is to not ignore and deal with the crap straight away. To be aware that there is no easy way out really, and the sooner I address the problem the better, for there is less mouldy material to get my hands dirty from at once. Now, considering that I’m in a shady and super humid place in Thailand I believe that the mould will keep coming out but my choice is to deal with it daily and slowly. I’m gonna take it as it comes for some things seems to be inevitable in life…