Saturnian times, no time to waste…

At the moment we have so many planets and points in Capricorn or Saturn ruled: Sun, Mercury, South Node, Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto in Capricorn and Venus in Aquarius, which is traditionally ruled by Saturn.

This is a massive Saturn time and I can really feel it. No mater how much in theory I should be celebrating and enjoying some sort of summer holidays here in Brazil, Im just struggling not to feel the seriousness of this moment. All I want to do is work on my astrological practice, on my master, or whatever else career and commitment related.

I wonder if anyone else out there is feeling the same?

Now is also my Jupiter return, which is in the 2nd house trine my natal Sun/Mercury conjunction, and from the cliche astrological cook book perspective, this is an amazing time of growth and optimism, but I just feel burdened and deadly serious. Would that be because my Jupiter is in fall? Some would probably say yes to that, but I just think that this is Saturn/Capricorn energy in general. The seriousness and goal oriented tendency is very much part of this dimension of life.

I woke up today and all I can think about is setting intentions for making my living solo with what I love doing, no more odd jobs please!

I don’t care where Im going to be on New Year’s Eve, if it’s going to be a good party with interesting people, I don’t even care if Im on my own to be honest (like I have done a few times in the past).

I just want to make sure that I do the important stuff, that I take responsibility for my future success. That I take charge of my life and do something of substance with it.

It feels life Im a hundred years old without any time for frivolous things right now… and I truly wonder how people are feeling out there with such an emphasis on Saturn’s archetype? Could people be really gay and truly lighthearted right now? Maybe they are projecting their Saturn elsewhere… I don’t know.

I secretly envy people’s lightness and carelessness … or would that be Saturn’s archetype taking possession of me?!

Wishes for the coming new decade…

We are heading towards a new decade in couple of weeks and I thought that I should somehow honour that by writing something.

When I look back, from 2010 until now a lot of important things have happened in my life, first it was during this decade that I decided to take astrology and esoteric studies seriously and became a professional astrologer. What a journey this has been…

I also had my first conscious experience of multiple transits and the depth of transformation that this reflects, and feeling the intense pain that was brought up with it… and surviving it all, feeling stronger and renewed.

There was so much growth, sooo much!

What will this coming decade be about, I wonder?

I am currently having my Jupiter return, which is activating my natal Jupiter-Sun/Mercury trine and I have started experimenting with doing videos on social media. I’ve been doing stories on instagram, sharing some ideas and it’s been really enjoyable. After a long period of transformation with a lack of clarity regarding my identity and voice it seems like I am slowly stepping into another place, another phase is slowly dawning and I feel excited.

It seems like what I enjoy doing is to bring the academic discussion into a more popular format, when I did a video on the full moon it somehow didn’t resonate much with what I want to be doing. Im not entirely sure what will be, but that is how I feel for now.  I would like to focus on sharing some of the information I am coming across in the MA with other fellow astrologers and the general public. Bring in the deeper, bigger, questions so we can discuss the nature of our art and work.

I know that I can be inconsistent sometimes, so I will go with the flow and see what comes out of it without expectation. What is really important to me is the authenticity of it all. I don’t want to fake anything just to have more ‘followers’. It has to be real!

So cheers to this decade for teaching me so many difficult lessons, and welcome to the new! May the coming 10 years bring us much growth, understanding, healthier values (collectively speaking) and love.

Love al-ways!

 

Housing crisis

I have a few minutes for catching up with processes that are happening here.

Some posts back I talked about my progressed moon moving to Aquarius, the same sign on my IC, and the continuation of my journey in search for home, but this time,  reconnecting with my Brazilian roots.

During the New Moon in Sagittarius I moved to a friend’s house here in Sao Paulo so now Im living most of the week with her and couple of days with my parents. I was just packing some of my stuff to go back from her place to my mother’s where I will see a client later today for an astrology session.

As I was packing my things I thought about the amount of traveling and moving around that I have been doing since 2015 when Pluto did the first exact square to my natal Moon. At that time things were so emotionally intense that travelling from place to place gave me some sort of solace from all the intensity that was coming up to me.

This time is different, I am more balanced and less haunted by the emotional detox reflected by the Pluto Moon stuff, but I do notice myself feeling a little tired of all of the moving around (at least today?).

Yesterday night I was asking myself where is home?  I get bored indeed and have been consistently moving houses, jobs, cities, etc, but I wonder, is there a time when I am going to be able to settle down a bit more? Will I ever have a home of my own?

I am used to temporary situations, I am used to being quite mutable and taking one day at the time and building a momentary home with whatever I have available, but I am wondering more and more (perhaps the progressed Moon/IC thing) when is this going to end… if ever? Will I have a bit more stability regarding housing?

I have no answer to these questions yet, but it was a great relief to move out from my parents (again) and spend a few solid days on my own. As we grow older it becomes clearer how much space we need for ourselves, to do our own cooking, to decide how to get on with our day without being judged…

These last few days reflected how important for me is to be regularly alone, how necessary is to withdraw from activities and outside stimuli so I can process my feelings and understand what is going on with me. It has been 2 months since I arrived in Brazil and I did not have quality time on my own to feel my feelings, to catch up with myself properly.

I say no to this world populated by extroverted people constantly achieving and doing things out there. I want to achieve and do things in here. Inside me.

 

Mercury Retrograde in the underworld…

Mercury is stationing at 27 degrees Scorpio today and will be moving backwards for the next 3 weeks.

Im feeling an introverted energy in the air compelling to reevaluate and revisit values regarding relationships, sharing and love in general. I think that last week’s new moon in Scorpio opposing Uranus was already calling us to do this work during this lunation, and Mercury retrograde seems to be reinforcing it.

Mercury is stationing conjunct Venus, reflecting the Venusian tone of this cycle of retrogradation.

With Venus and the Sun also in Scorpio I think that we will be able to get in touch with subterraneous intense emotions giving us clues about hidden patterns of behaviour that might be hindering real intimacy and connection with others, and ultimately, with ourselves.

For Scorpio the process of maintaining or reclaiming power is of paramount importance, and a very common tactic for preventing loss of power and vulnerability is by, willingly or unwillingly, stepping into psychological games with others. Manipulative techniques might be necessary in order to get what one wants, but at the same time, is a huge obstacle for what Scorpio mostly craves and needs: deep connections where one is able to be truly seen.

At the time of my Saturn return, my progressed Moon entered Scorpio, making a conjunction to my ASC, and that was the first time that I became consciously aware of these games we play with people in order to hide our heart and true motives.

I suddenly began asking myself what was the point on doing that, on saying no when you really mean yes, and that kind of stuff. I realised that we must make an effort in order to be real so people can also have a chance to be themselves, and as a result, a genuine relationship might be born…

Now with Mercury retrograde in Scorpio I feel the echoes of that time coming back, slightly different, but bringing up a similar theme nevertheless. I am a different person, in a different situation, living a distinct phase of my life, but Im a witness of the fascinating spiral cycles of growth reflected by astrological symbolism.

It never fails to amuse me!

The astrologer Steven Forrest in one of his books, or maybe in an article I can’t fully remember, wrote that Scorpio stands for (radical) psychological honesty. I think that keeping this idea in mind, just like a mantra, during this Mercury retrograde could be of great help to us all…

Progressed Moon conjunct IC

I’ve been back in Brazil for just over 3 weeks and much has happened already, or has it not?!

Since my progressed Moon entered the sign of my natal IC in the beginning of September my attention has naturally turned towards exploring and understanding more about my roots.

I’ve been socialising quite a bit and going out observing everything with the curiosity of an anthropologist doing field work in some remote and yet familiar place.

I used to feel that I don’t belong here, and for the first time I am willing to recognise a slight sense of belonging that seems to be increasing as time goes by…

Not sure.

Perhaps Im getting more comfortable with being part of the syncretism that I come from. Being some sort of Alien Frankenstein (how much Aquarius on the IC does this sound?!) returning ‘home’… home?!

Transiting Saturn is forming its last square to my natal Moon and I don’t feel the typical symptoms associated with this transit: loneliness, depression, etc. I really don’t, which is a reminder to never dismember astrological symbolism too much. What I sense happening instead, is me questioning if I should come back to live here…  or not…

Reflections on life’s changes…

I am getting ready to move out from where I’ve been living for the past year and a half.

Writing down organisational lists, to do lists, to let go lists, getting very organised, after all, is Virgo season!

I don’t feel devastated or fearful.

Having a Pluto transit to the natal Moon works as a kind of painful initiation. The transit is still within orb for me, and I guess all this moving around in the last 4 years is a reflection of it.

This moving out is also marking the end of a relationship that began when Pluto was forming the 3rd exact square to my natal Moon.  I have learned a lot and there are not many regrets, I try to look forward to my next steps.

I actually catch myself feeling excited about these changes as I think that my life was somehow stuck in a rut. My job as a chef and volunteer’s coordinator in the community wasn’t doing anymore for a long time. Working full time in something that isn’t my true passion is very difficult for me. Well… I think that working full time is difficult for me in most circumstances, if we consider full time hours as 40 hours per week.

That is crazy!! I mean, what about time for yourself, for organising your life, or taking care of our basic needs for food and personal hygiene etc, plus our needs for novelty and creative endeavours, plus our need to stimulate our intellect… Jesus, working 40 hours a week makes quite impossible to do all of that in a well balanced manner.

I cannot do that.

I believe, selfishly or not, that the belief that we have to be constantly productive and working is a fallacy. I probably have written about this here many times in different ways, but I cannot stress this idea enough. We need time to wonder, to just be. That is not laziness, is rather a necessity for our mental, physical, and spiritual health.

Screw the full time hours system!

Thats the thing, I feel so excited and happy and relieved that I am free again to think about whatever I want to think about, that the sadness of leaving or breaking up isn’t making such a huge impact on me at the moment. I think I have grieved quite intensely during the new moon eclipse in July so I feel ready to move on again.

As tiresome, hard work and uncomfortable as moving out and changes in general can be, I love and need them rather often… or so it seems. Or is that the Pluto transit still in orb with my Moon?

The fact is, and here is a Uranus/Mars conjunct in Sag in the first house speaking, I thrive in change and it seems to me such a delusional idea that one day there will be a plateau of peace and contentment in life capable of leaving changes and disruptions at bay. And as human beings I think that we somehow gravitate towards this idea of placidity and total fulfillment in a somewhat unchangeable situation. No…

The only constant is change.

We are a process, a life process, constantly changing and expanding, and there is nothing we can do about that other than aligning ourselves as best as we can and dance to the music… life will throw different rhythms at different times, and astrologically we can associate that to planetary transits, and somehow there is less suffering in surrendering to these rhythms.

Cheers to life!

Continual shifts and changes

I just sent an article in Portuguese for a Brazilian blog/website and it was a little challenging to write in my mother thong can you believe it? I think that because I’ve been working pretty hard on writing my assignments for the MA, and also because I’ve been living abroad for almost 12 years as well I suppose… I feel that somehow, at the moment, is easier for me to write more beautifully in English. The words and its combinations come out more easily, I don’t know.

I got the results from my last module and have done pretty well again. Sometimes is hard to believe in your own abilities. The director of my course, Nicholas Campion, sent me an email yesterday regarding some university bureaucracy and mentioned that after two excellent marks he hopes that I will continue doing the course. That was really nice and encouraging as I feel that my sense of self and personal potential gets a bit blurred somehow.

Im also currently writing an article about Saturn in general plus a bit about what happened during my Saturn Return for an online magazine. What an interesting symbol, Im beginning to really love Saturn and its potential for pondered growth, discipline and maturity.  I think that, to my surprise, I am pretty saturnian myself.

Anyway, this blog post was intended to be more about the changes that are happening soon in my life though.

I have given the notice at my job in the community as I realised that I can’t dedicate so much of my time to something that I don’t really want to do it anymore. I want to have more time for my masters and also astrology work, which has never stopped completely but I have been pushing it to the side a bit because Im so busy with other things.

As I was brainstorming about what to do next, Brazil just spontaneously came to my mind, and I decided to go to Brazil at the end of September probably for a longer period than usual. And then I realised that my progressed moon will be shifting to Aquarius in September and my natal IC is in Aquarius. How wonderful symbolism is that? For the first time in almost 12 years I genuinely feel the urge to explore and see with my own eyes, rather than my mother’s, where I come from. I feel that somehow I need to reconnect with that land through like minded people rather than my past only.

It will be interesting going back after Pluto transited my natal Moon and so much transformation and personal work has taken place within myself.

Excited to see what will happen…

Saturn-Pluto nightmares…

Yesterday I had the pleasure to watch a webinar that astrologer Lynn Bell gave on the Saturn-Pluto conjunction in Capricorn (already within orbit, will be perfecting in January 2020).

She made use of some powerful photographs made by artist Nicolas Bruno (who has a natal square between Pluto and Saturn) to illustrate the archetypal energies of Pluto and Saturn encountering each other.

I have experienced Saturn and Pluto’s powerful symbolism through family stuff, even though neither is placed in the 4th house in my chart.

Lately I have been feeling a little unsettled with the powerfully changing energies around, especially because of my father. He has Sun in Capricorn at the exact degree that the conjunction between Pluto and Saturn are going to happen in January next year. My mother has Sun in the last degree of Cancer, and my brother’s Sun is in the last degree of Capricorn with his Moon also in the final degrees of Cancer.

With all of my willingness to focus on spiritual growth and the powers of transformation and healing through crisis, I couldn’t ignore the fact that the Pluto-Saturn conjunction is activating every member of my nuclear family in a powerful and fundamental way!

The webinar was very helpful because it somehow helped me to keep a sense of the bigger picture, not to mention a deeper understanding of that planetary configuration. Interestingly, Lynn Bell shared that most of the pictures taken by the artist is inspired by his recurrent problems with sleep paralysis and nightmares, and she said that this transit is actually asking that we face those paralysing fears ourselves.

Something needs to die and we cannot hold it anymore.

Uranian impulses

I’ve been reading Liz Greene’s book ‘The Art of Stealing Fire’ about Uranus and already had some powerful insights on the archetypal energy that the planet represents. She starts by saying that in her perspective, contrary to what we find in many astrology text books, there is nothing individual about Uranus. According to Liz Greene all of the outer planets represent collective yearnings and impulses that are best mediated by a strong (healthy) ego rather than the person being identified/possessed by it.

In her words: ‘Human nature, without individual consciousness and reflection, cannot contain Uranian vision, which tends to break loose and overwhelm the powers of individual reason and individual feeling.’

I resonate with that, and looking back in my life I feel that there were many moments where I unconsciously had a reaction based much more in ideas and visions rather than how I was truly feeling. I feel that the masculine has somehow overpowered the feminine in me over and over again, especially before my Saturn Return in 2012. (Uranus is conjunct Mars [my chart ruler] in the first house, square Sun/Mercury in the 10th, and opposite Chiron in the 7th).

Further in the book, on Uranian people’s difficulty in expressing feelings, Greene says : ‘Something inside keeps saying, “Don’t get stuck in all that emotional glue, keep the door open so you can leave if you have to.” (…) I think Uranus shuts itself up, because the expression of personal feeling binds us to other people, and the daimon wants us to be ready with our luggage packed and our tickets and passports in our hands.’   This quote really summarises how I dealt with attachments many times, wanting to suddenly break them and just walk away. There is a strong impulse in me that feels pretty much like what she describes in the book.

It has been a journey making this part (the one represented by the strong Uranus in my chart) conscious and stopping identifying with it as ‘myself’.

At the moment, for the last three years,  I have attracted a partner that is also highly Uranian and he somehow had been carrying a lot of the rational, logical, removed from human emotions type of inclinations for me. It’s just recently, after we separately went to see a jungian therapist astrologer, that it somehow dawned on me what was going on. (or at least one layer of it all!)

So now, even finding this book by Liz Greene in a shop in Glastonbury for a very good price seems to be reflecting this new understanding that perhaps Im ready to embrace… I don’t know. But I silently stop blaming him for the lack of ‘human connection’ in our relationship.

An Astrologer’s wishes for 2019

The heat in Brazil is so strong that for most of the day I cannot do much. Sometimes it feels like my brain is melting.

For the last five or six years I consciously went through a Pluto transit to my natal Moon and this is the first time that I came back since. Everything looks and feels strange and familiar at the same time.

That strange familiar feeling of not belonging strongly remains.

I miss my home in England.

I am enjoying some things here, but after couple of weeks its clear to me that many of the structures, customs, opinions, ideas, ideals, cultural identity… have all changed to me? Sao Paulo somehow feels largely small?

Since 2012 I went through multiple transits, I’ve had my first Saturn return and transits from all 3 outer planets to my personal planets. I’ve been dissolved, dismembered and initiated into adulthood. Much pain and suffering was met on the way, but looking at myself in the mirror I can see that it was worth it.

I believe that if we don’t adapt to the seasons we can’t make the most of it. The idea of intermittent happiness to be pursued in life is a fallacy. But being stuck in a loop of sadness for too long can also be damaging.

Nature and its cycles have much to teach us. Accepting and taking action that is aligned with our personal cycle is one of the biggest lessons that I’ve learnt in the last 5 years. (Not that it was easy or that I have ceased to struggle with it. But I feel incredibly aware of it now.) Even if the action is by not taking any action. (something that can also be very challenging in a society that emphasises doing and achievement so strongly!)

So in this New Year Eve, close to a New Moon in Capricorn, my wish is that we can all learn how to be deeply rooted in ourselves, how to feel, trust, and follow the natural wisdom of our cycles, and, in this way, develop more authenticity in a mature and solid manner.

Then, and only then (I feel), we are going to be able to, genuinely, have a positive impact in our society, planet, cosmos, universe… whatever needed.

Happy new year!