Out of sync

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for homeTrip

I’ve been out of sync in the last month. Definitely too much going on around here and inside me.

Tomorrow I’m finally graduating from the first level yoga course that I’ve been doing since January here in Thailand. I was pretty busy with that and with the second exact hit of transiting Pluto square to my natal Moon also taking place in January.

The first one, in March 2015, was connected with me leaving my home in London and many realisations about my mother bringing a lot of old anger back to the surface. (Also with the break up of an important relationship)

The second one had me practicing yoga twice a day for six days a week and a physical breakdown for 5 days that they call “process of purification”. There is definitely something really powerful about yoga and practicing it with awareness. I got pretty sick for those 5 days and all that I wanted was, funny enough, my mother! For the first time in years I really wanted to be with her and truly missed her care and love. I can totally see the connection there, the healing taking place while a lot of toxic energy was making its way out of my body. We spoke on Skype, me and my mother, everyday during that week like we haven’t done it in a really long time.

I’m now feeling a lot better. My mind is much more clearer and lucid than when I arrived in the island. A lot less emotional clutter, even my body is lighter as I’ve lost some weight with the combination of yoga and the sickness.

I have no doubt that I’ve made the right decision about coming here to do this course during this Pluto transit. I highly recommend to everyone having a strong Pluto transit to go for some kind of powerful detox process, a course like this or some kind of retreat. Whatever catches your attention, go for it. You won’t regret. It really helps the purging process and makes you feel a lot lighter afterwards.

This transit still an ongoing process for me, with the last and longer hit on the second half of this year. I have no idea what’s going to happen. What I know is that I’ve quit smoking and feel much lighter at the moment. Almost like a little glimpse of what could be the feeling at the end of this whole process of death and rebirth. Its exciting as well as profound and demanding. What can make a great difference is the awareness that enable you to make wiser choices to facilitate the process of purification represented symbolically by Pluto. Resisting this process isn’t the best attitude and I believe it can only make things more painful. The amount of resistance equals the necessary violence applied to make a change..

Thoughts on 12th house

by with 9 Comments Astrology and me

Yesterday I had an interesting day.

I’ve been volunteering at the library and connecting with people talking about astrology. Sometimes even giving them short readings when they show interest, which is proving to be very rewarding to me.

So at the end of the day and after taking a look on what is supposed to be a “very good  book in astrology” recommended by the swami at school, I decided to write a little about the 12th house. I think that the 12th house is the most mysterious and misunderstood house in the horoscope. Yes, you still find simplistic views on the other houses too, like 8th house other people’s money or second house your own money. But I think that no other house gets such a bad reputation in the usual explanation like the 12th does. People with jam packed 12th houses probably feel very disempowered, maybe scared even, after reading all those famous cook books in astrology and themes like mental illnesses,  prisons and hospitals, hidden enemies…and the disgraceful list goes on…

One thing that I find to be very important when you see 12th house planets in someone’s horoscope is solitude. That person in front of you really needs a great amount of quality time alone. If we think that the 12th house has a resonance with the piscean and neptunian archetype and what they all share is somewhat the dissolution and urge to transcend barriers, there are usually issues regarding boundaries for these people. It’s hard to separate your thoughts from other people’s when you have Mercury in Pisces or making a strong aspect to Neptune but also and specially if your Mercury is in the 12th house. It’s equally hard to discriminate your sense of anxiety or fear from what you’re picking up in the crowd when you have Saturn placed in the 12th.

The 12th house has also a connection with the womb and our experience inside our mothers so then again we have this sense of merging.

When I have clients with strong 12th house I always speak about their sensitivity to others and the environment, suggesting being more in tune with their need to be alone in order to reestablish a connection with themselves. I think that not realising this necessity is when the “hidden enemies” can show up, most of it unconscious behaviour that also connects with the classic theme of self undoing and the 12th house.

 

Mouldy peaches

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

I dreamt that I had missed my flight and woke up disturbed. The day started in a funny way but now it has gone from funny to frustrating at the very least. I’ve been spending most of my hours today trying to get rid of the mould that to my horror is growing everywhere in my room. It’s good that I just realised what was going on under my nose though, I think that I prevented myself from loosing most of my stuff. Man, everything had already a foul smell that somehow resembles the smell of mushrooms. Argh…

Well, with my Mercury in Virgo, this whole situation got me thinking about what Liz Greene said in one of her books (which one I can’t remember exactly now) about using daily life situations to be interpreted symbolically in the same way as with dream analysis. And suddenly I can totally see a symbolic relation between Pluto in Capricorn heading for the second square to my Moon in Libra and my mouldy room. Something that has grown in the darker corners of my (temporary) home must be dealt with! The feeling of powerlessness in the situation, the unpleasant surprise.

It also made me think about better ways of tackling the inevitable, or what could be my best conduct in this situation. For instance I could just have ignored the humidity and bad smell and in 2 months and a half I would have had the unhappy surprise of loosing everything for good, possibly including my passport that was inside my backpack. (Not considering my health also). How traumatic would that have been?

Another road is to not ignore and deal with the crap straight away. To be aware that there is no easy way out really, and the sooner I address the problem the better, for there is less mouldy material to get my hands dirty from at once. Now, considering that I’m in a shady and super humid place in Thailand I believe that the mould will keep coming out but my choice is to deal with it daily and slowly. I’m gonna take it as it comes for some things seems to be inevitable in life…

Wilderness

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner lifeSearch for home

I’ve been meaning to write another post for a little while and because I didn’t the result is a mix and match of different ideas in one text.

First, a tip for anyone that thinks about living at a tropical paradise: beware and be ready to share your space with creatures of every sort. My first week living in this Thai island and I’ve had a few encounters that reminded me about how much life thrives in tropical weather. Almost eight years of european home and somehow I had completely forgotten that.

I had a bunch of ants mercilessly invading the cereal pack that I left on the table overnight, another big spider’s delightful visit (that one was quite huge for my standards), a little lizard surprisingly jumping on me out of a clothes rack, and the big brown spider that still sharing my room with me. I understood that the table/chair area here is hers and it seems that we have an unspoken agreement on leaving each other alone. I think I might eventually grow fond of her and start a beautiful friendship.

Then I got myself thinking, are we, human beings born and raised on tropical places, also naturally wilder than the others?  Im not sure what the answer is but I have to say that from my experience living in cold and mild England this seems to be so. Like that daring little lizard, I think that I did jump out of clothes racks onto people as well. But that’s another story.

I think is just interesting that I’m settling in a tropical place now, regarding that my natal moon is the ruler of the 9th in my chart. 9th house has to do with travels and living abroad, the moon has to do with home as well. So many memories from Brazil has been brought back to me. Obviously this is also and especially being triggered by that Pluto transit to my moon.

Another tip, for you people navigating the turbulent waters of an outer planet transit to a personal one: keep track of when the fast moving planets get involved in the picture. That’s when is more likely that something might happen or when you might be strongly in touch with the painful process of change. These days Mars made a conjunction to my moon and jeez, for two days I lost much of my perspective and capacity for detachment. I found myself clinging to what I thought I had understood and let go already. I somehow became those childish feelings and fears for 2 days. As Mars moved away, it felt like I came back to my body again. I’m in charge again and with more perspective.

This isn’t an easy process (the outer planets kind of change), but it’s vital in order to become oneself.

Its definitely a helping hand with the task of meeting the wilderness within.

Transiting me..

by with One Comment Astrology and meTrip

Alright, I thought maybe it is a good idea to write a little about transiting Pluto/Uranus over my natal Moon. (Perhaps I can get some perspective and peace of mind…)

I’m in Koh Phangan now, this is my second night here and I already got my room for the next 3 months. My tantric yoga course starts only in January but because is high season it was definitely a good idea coming earlier. Today has been my first official day here and I strangely managed to lock myself out twice. At the first time a random  guy helped me out but on the second time it was quite late and thunderstorming outside. I was surprised to notice the rush of fear running down my spine in such a silly situation. Of course, after struggling a little and almost falling out of the window, I found my way in again. Then, as I am talking to myself and recovering from the apparently “scary” situation I’m yet on another dreadful one: big brown spider inside the room. Obviously I couldn’t kill it and the creature is still roaming somewhere under my bed (hopefully staying down there).

I’m mentioning these two happenings in this post because is clear how much under powerful transits to our natal Moon the challenge of facing our childish fears becomes evident. In other words the challenge of becoming a self sufficient being. Mommy won’t protect you. The realisation that seeking mother under what seems a threatening situation isn’t appropriate anymore. You have to do it yourself. And more than that, also the realisation that many of those fears does not belong to you in first place. I thought about my mom when facing the spider, but my thoughts were really about how much she would be scared in my situation. About how much she is terrified of insects, and I could almost hear her voice in my head.

The process of separation from the “womb”state with mother is really a hard one and we all have issues with that. Without addressing those issues it is simply impossible to forge healthy emotional connections and relationships. And that’s where these powerful transits (by that I mean transits from Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto) reflect an opportunity for all of us, an opportunity to work on our mother issues and patterns of emotional dependency. If we take it as an opportunity, rather than focus on the emotional pain that usually is triggered during these times, we can do our best and work on ourselves, then, and only then, we can hope to have a relationship that is not based on fulfilling our childish needs. Equality is then a possibility.

Jet legged

by with No Comment Inner lifeTrip

Is now 3:15 in the morning in Thailand and I’m super jet legged and having troubles to sleep. Is also hot as hell and I guess I’m not used to these temperatures anymore. It doesn’t feel necessarily bad, is just weird. I’m trying to feel my way, sort of trying to recognise how my energy works here so I can consciously align myself.

When I woke up around 11pm thinking that it was the day after already I decided to go to the backyard of the hostel to get some fresh air. Tired and confused I noticed that an anxious feeling was  growing inside my chest.

In the beginning of my travels I had a goal that was still much too far, or so it seemed. It was keeping me going, it was like the promised land or something like that. And so I caught myself feeling insecure now that I have almost arrived at my destination (I haven’t got to the island I wanna go to yet).

But then something happened, I saw this french guy curled up on his own with people talking to him and trying to help because he wasn’t feeling well.  I think he had thrown up and stuff like that. Anyways, I felt compelled to do something to help him so I offered  and gave him some Reiki.

At the end he was feeling much better and the situation, and I guess channeling Reiki as well, has also helped me to achieve yet another level of clarity about this trip and my path. My anxious feeling have dissolved into a certainty that this is the moment to take spirituality more seriously. Surrendering my ego to a much bigger process of becoming who I truly am is paramount now. Money, travel bureaucracy and etc are just details from now on. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

I think that this hot weather and the energies in this country are going to play a strong part in my alchemical process.

(And Pluto is approaching to make a second exact square to my natal moon in Libra! I really need to write a post only on this topic actually.) Next time.

Symbolifed

by with No Comment Astrology and meTrip

Excuse me the weird tittle for this post, but yesterday I’ve had one of the most interesting synchronicity here in Istanbul regarding how astrological symbols pervades real life. This is actually one of the themes that truly fascinates me about astrology, how the symbols come out, how the archetypal energy gets manifested.

Since I’ve had a phase of exploring one night stands searching for myself I started to get curious about what astrology could speak in terms of attraction in each specific case. For instance we know that interaspects between Mars and Venus usually light up a spark between two people. But I wanted more than that, I wanted to see and understand how I feel the different nuances between each attraction and connection I would have with someone. It has been quite a fascinating journey and I definitely should write some more stuff about that.

But anyways, yesterday I decided to go out on a date with myself. It was one of these days that I just crave my own company. And so I went in search of a bookshop that would sell books in English.

As I was walking in the street I saw this guy sitting on a step listening to a turkish old man playing the flute. I don’t really know how to explain, but I just felt this urge to sit down beside him and have a chat. I didn’t really know exactly why as I didn’t really fancy him or anything like that. But because I’m making sure that I connect more and more with my instincts and wild self I simply turned around and sat beside him asking if he speaks English. He was surprised and asked me if I was from Turkey and was even more surprised to find out that I’m from Brazil because so was he. We went for coffee and shared many stories and feelings. After couple of hours we said good bye and when I got back I was curious to see the synastry or anything that could enlighten me about that sudden attraction. I was searching for meanings, like I usually do. Didn’t find anything in the synastry, so decided to check his progressions and found out that his progressed chart at the moment is exactly the day of my birthday. So most of the planets of his progressed chart is in the same degree and configuration of my birth chart. I don’t know what my conclusions are about this happening, but that made me think a lot about vibration and resonating yet from another perspective. Were we just meant to be some kind of mirror, but very literally at this point in time, to each other for couple of hours in such apparently random situation?

Busy minds.

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner life

I don’t know exactly why I chose this tittle for this post. I guess it has something to do with some left over  inspiration from the full moon in Gemini yesterday.

I just read an article about the astrological configuration and got some food for thought from it. About how the square of Saturn to Neptune got involved in the picture yesterday, or how it was rather triggered by this full moon. Saturn in Sagittarius, Neptune in Pisces,  Moon in Gemini (plus Jupiter in later degrees of Virgo, which would sort of suggest the ‘pseudo’ formation of a grand cross) and this really makes me think about a conflict between truth and beliefs versus reality and delusion, with an input of information or a bit of clarification represented by this full moon. The full moon symbolises the culmination of something, the end of a cycle and Gemini lends a quality of mind and detachment to it.

Bringing this whole thing to a personal level, yesterday I finally came across a piece of information that really has shed some light on a situation that has been lingering on and on for much too long. Clarity really stroke me and I suddenly was brought to think and question my values in relation  to relationships. Saturn in Sagittarius, also transiting my Mars and asking my masculine side to become more mature, is very serious about honesty and morality. Neptune in Pisces is a bit harder to grasp, it has to do with higher realms and trying to pin it down simply does not work. It has to do with dreams and ideals and romanticism. We can sense the conflict between those two archetypal energies, or at least I can. The smoke hitting against the wall. Then comes the full moon, gigantic in the sky and in its brightest moment, just like a spotlight showing you whatever was that you’ve missed in the process. Whatever idea or information that is crucial for at least trying to have a little more clarity and vision over the matter. Be the matter related to the refugee crisis and racism or to religious extremism, or perhaps self deluding about a person in your life. Whatever it might be, the energies in the air are still conducive to grant you some ideas and clues about any conflicting confusion that you have been struggling over. Enjoy.

Turkish delight

by with No Comment Astrology and meInner lifeRandomSearch for homeTrip

The winds of change are blowing hot in Istanbul. I just went for a walk and saw many plastic bags floating around the sky like American Beauty. There is a lovely feeling of peaceful freedom inside my chest and is almost like I can taste the changing air with my lungs.

We made it, all the way from Amsterdam only hitchhiking. 69 days are gone and I feel different. I feel closer to myself.

Moon in Aries has hooked up with Uranus  and both are opposing Venus in Libra, which is making a conjunction with my natal Moon right now.

I somehow feel the electricity of uranian energy coming back to me. With a strong sense of wakefulness and presence I can almost see from inside a different twinkle in my eye.

I’m leaving Europe after been here for almost 8 years and that old sense of home is once again lost. But, from the distance, I can already see a tiny little home that is newly being born within …